Category: Stream of Thought

Usually when people would speak truth, it is about something political or contentious.

Why, then, do I tremble to share my own truth?

Why does the body’s form at first look worse when it is responding to muscle toning?

Two new, individual men have made their presence in person known to me, and I am finding that I am just no longer interested in getting entangled!

As I repot seedlings into next stage containers, having paused my quest and laboring to get more larger pots and soil, I know that it won’t be long before I repeat the process.

But, there is satisfaction in watching my comfort in the garden unfolding while chiding the pup to not eat plastic pots; to stay out of the plants; and to focus on the bone she’s got.

Nights when I have the house to myself, I can not grieve because it means that we have made it this far, and my youngling gets to be social while flexing their wings.

I have decided that my strength is connecting individually with prospective clients, rather than mass marketing.

Word-of-mouth recommendations of my services are the best way to build business, although may happen more slowly.

The quest to find one’s self can last a lifetime, but does not mean that we must do this alone.

I have observed and assisted others on their journey, but did not expect to have a personal necessity. It is much to adjust to, and at times a bit disheartening.

I go out and do things, but must be selective to conserve limited energy while recovering.

It is common to have an inner life that most people do not see, but to hide on’s very essence can trap one in relationships, inadvertently.

If not the same as life,
What worth in reality?

Higher ideals, perhaps…
Otherwise unobtainable?

My rotator cuff had stopped responding.

Now we are on our way to reactivating!

I look back upon all of my good efforts where not recipricated and cannot grieve for what was wasted.

Our yards is home to varieties of jumping spiders – and today I even had one in my car!

I shared laughing cajolery today with a friend as we sleuthed as to why I have been pining for my Starbuck’s drink and homemade smoothies don’t make me feel so clear with energy: I didn’t know that my Pink Drinks (TM) were loaded with caffeine from green coffee berry!

When I cleaned out the car the other day, I realized while sorting that I had comparable amounts of Starbuck’s recycling to trash, which made me realize that I have been living as if we were still uprooted.

“I deserve neither such praise, nor such censure.”

A&E’s Pride And Prejudice

Having the grace to accept my current limitations, even if they are discouraging.

Fish
Cat lumbar
Sense of purpose

(Lol)

Where the heart gets stuck
Without sense of purpose.

Why am I so tired? My system just wants to sleep.

I push up into gravity’s weight as I pull my body out of bed to its much protesting.

Millions of followers vs. a grouping’s few: some rate such as currency, status, and influential power – but I am just curious about and thankful for you.

The plants throughout the house had been crowded onto my bedroom desk next to where I slept last night to keep the loosed cats from tearing into them.

Their varietal moisture emittance must have breathed subtle atmospheric scent into my subconscious, providing a dream portal to transport me through time back to a place of once comfort in nature’s environment.

Taking the dogs out onto the green, I came upon a disassembled controller for a drone left in the longer side grass and placed its components on the short-nipped turf for some grandfather to find and return it to the youth’s piloting.

Zigging too and fro, one dog plunged its nose into the edge of the water leading to the pond. I thought with delight “Let’s go see it!” since we were there anyway and we had somehow arrived from one plane of existence to there just by sitting awhile in my car as it was idling.

A woman came out onto the grass behind us as we headed foward to explore the banks further, and I realized that at last the next generations’ mingling had taken over, blending once divided lines of status and prejudice into acceptance with dignity.

Humans cannot stop the waves of time’s change, and though it was confusing to feel the shifted social atmosphere where my grandparents used to live, it gave me hope for the world’s future.

Recording numbers has been like a twitch: a necessary continuity that must be encoded by scripting into my phone’s notepad in order to wedge apart premises and keep them from colliding.

I had needed something to cling to that could represent aspirations, but now I have come to accept the basics that I do and do not want.

And I am recognizing that I only look for and listen to those messages which speak to me positively.

I do not know who it really was that I spoke briefly with, but “He” was right.

Discovering things that I like and pursuing them leads to more and more moments of experiencing pure euphoria on my own.

I have deduced that they are from chlorine, caprylic acid, and boric acid overexposure.

If I stopped relying on food and drinks outside of the home, this would likely assist with slimming.

I discovered that my food insecurity began in childhood and it’s time that I let go of the road.

Reframing the feeling/concept to be like a wall or door reached when we come to the end of what is known,

A place to dump presets
And redefine preferences.

I had come here to share aspects of myself that the average person would not see because I have lived a life hidden from view – and the only thing that I gained was anonymity.

But now, I am not so sure about anything.

What do I want to give? Everything.

What can I give right now? Minimal

I prefer to obtain used blenders because A: they are inexpensive; and B: they are shaped and powered to capacity preference.

The newer ones are too expensive – not formed for utility, but for pretension.

However, it is a balancing trick to get enough blending vs. how much dying motor smell fills the kitchen.

Take your lashes, then claim the badge of truth burned clean by fires of your own work’s retribution – yet, do not pass forward harm.

Instead, learn to properly defend your inner dimensions and prize your soul’s love. Share its blessing with the world despite what’s been taken.

It isn’t numbers of people that are the problem, but the disassociation being propagated which causes harm.

It is up to the rest of us to not fall into slumber’s charm, and to awaken and salvage whom we can take with us.

Though we are forced into corners with no way out it seems, we must choose the difficult paths where we recreate new beginnings.

I was told to be silent – to not infringe
Upon the checking out of others’ sins,

For they’d paid good money, honey,
To not give a damn about reality:

How dare I say what’s bothering
And argue in favor of solutions!

“Weed is cheaper than therapy.”

A local street advertisement.

Youth’s resilience resides
Within our cellular matrix.

“Did I get it wrong?” she wondered.

“Am I completely ‘off base,’ or ‘spot on?’

Have I somehow crossed a line?”

That’s the trouble with following the truth one feels inside.

It remains unclear if who is read will not confide.

It’s funny how she had seen right through him down to the core of his essentiality, yet how differently he functioned externally.

It sucks to be injured.

(Play with words)

The only real advice after promises of love and twin flame reunions is that I need to do my shadow work and obtain a new balance.

I would like to embark, but at present prefer to stay local while healing.

I did not realize that survivalism could be so energetically depleting!

They are my true friends, giving their all with only honest hesitation – then full commitment as they adjust to changes of seasons.

Drawing that to myself which reinforces my core identity.

“Stocking my well” to replenish the font of my creativity.

Recharging strength to launch into further complexity.

It’s a challenge to drop pressure after hardships.

What they do not mention is the prior necessary contraction relative to being able to recognize and then participate in such ventures.

On the busy weeks, it has felt good to come away with enough money to feel like we will make it.

On the lighter weeks, there is insecurity paired with attempts at acceptance because I have needed the rest due to my injuries.

These ebbs and flows get a bit daunting when paired with past shut downs due to Covid and the ever unknown prospective yields in the future.

Shyness in self assertion compounds when dwelling in a zone of such experienced, yet random bounty to limited restrictions.

The bird leaves varigated with maroon underbellies have perked up in my bedroom, serveying all they see with pride.

Dew drops of water slow-dripping off its tips let me know it has more moisture than is needed.