Category: Stream of Thought

It can keep a true believer caught in a web of another’s deceit – of which there is no ending.

Jaunty gents.

He refused to let her help him truly recover, so she turned away from the healing profession – hoping to avoid further conflict and to be given a chance for them to find a new way to thrive together. However, this wish was never granted.

I have become very proficient at leaving when I realize that I am not valued.

Most people do not notice nor understand the undercurrents – and to be with a man, I would most likely slip (as they have) back into denial.

Fighting two infections but determined to get to work to make rent, I turn off the waking alarm and misread the message as saying, “All dreams are now off.” Kind of my life’s current situation.

“I must rely on adults to keep me safe – yet, every move I make has a consequence.”

“But, you haven’t seen the darkness in me – the terrible, terrible ugly…”

A cell’s job is to retain internal “homeostasis.”

It is designed to resist exiting and entrance.

It is not always guaranteed that its’ holding something within is either good for itself, or the contents.

(Title of multiple meanings)

A peer lost his family’s puppy to a sock and a loved one lost theirs to gut torsion.

Last week, our wolf tore her toenail, and today our hound dismantled her plastic cushion mat.

I am unsure if pieces are in her belly.

I have given – more than I should have been required to.

Because what I gave was not returned even halfway (and in fact, my “reward” ensured that I was devastated), I have no personal experience of a healthy partnership being a possibility for me.

I see and hear about it for others – but in this, my life has not been easy.

Doppelganger versions of my ex-fiance have been appearing in too close vicinities to me.

I find it hilarious – yet, not funny at all.

What is the intention here?

I am not interested.

I’m appalled!

Behind our home is an open meadow with trees that have seen many seasons.

For once, it would be wonderful if humans did not have to build over it.

In these brief moments, my time with you is real.

“What do you want from me?” she asked quietly.

“Everything,” he replied.

They get more clear when the fears settle and anxiety yields to love’s candor.

It comes to a point where my will must just push against internal and external resistance – rather than expecting to understand the reasons for it.

I did not realize how stand-offish Californians were until I moved away from there.

Still, it would be nice to again visit and feel a part of my life’s origin culture.

Pretenses that move into my sphere irk me when disingenuous – making me want nothing to do with them.

Some things are outdated and no longer apply in “old school. Yet, some values are still relevant and important to retain.

There were none in the other.

When putting on my black sneakers, I emptied one and found the end of a green bean from last night’s vegie baking.

I am beginning to hear it within my own sphere: individuals considering marriage where the married couple lives separately from each other.

A partnership relegated to distance and control- portioned intimacy. How is this different from just being friends?

Rather than purchasing the intestinal cleanse capsules containing cascara sagrada which was sure to harm her more sensitive system, she instead invested in triphala tincture, FOS, and Ojibwa tea.

Avoiding running around unnecessarily.

Dragged through, and then traveling through life, I have met Greats to littles – yet have remained my own anonymity.

No showing up early like a young spring chicken to feed for me!

Nope!

More of a wisened-hen look, “Are you kidding me?” as I slowly saunter.

Come to think of it, maybe I have always retained a bit of cinicism.

Where’s my “me in early teens standing behind a younger Jerry Brown” picture?

(I liked him, but have never trusted politics.)

Pending…

Adapting to light armor, rather than heavy metal slagging.

Tight legs; one hurt shoulder; one good shoulder; and an OMT appointment.

I can no longer access my stats on WordPress unless I download a certain program – which I refuse to do because I dislike being shuttled forward through doorways not of my own choosing.

There are fresh-baked and crisped-chewy peanut butter-infused oatmeal with walnuts and raisins cookies waiting for me in the kitchen.

“F*** The Past!”

(Quote from movie, Man Up)

Whatever it takes, I must remove the dragging, suppressing weight of the past from me.

I am haunted.

Stalked.

Like zombie-powered ghosts, these issues keep respawning in their attempts to consume me.

Enough already!

I no longer need care about my bachelors, further English training, nor money lawfully due to me!

I hack at thee, o tendrils of my maddening – ever reaching for me!

Be gone!

Be GONE!

I RENOUNCE Thee!

After so many efforts, correspondence with, and even court ruling in my favor, years later the unemployment final background processors went against all of the proper documentation and wrongly decreed I had not been twice terminated (due to Covid politics) – thereby refusing to disburse underpayment refunds and keeping my “income” to refuel their corrupted system. I wonder if they will also charge me for this as claim against my taxes., showing it as “income earned” with that lovely adage, “insult to injury?”

At this point, I do not know what I need to do or change to help my life work better.

But, maybe that’s what needs to end.

Maybe I need to stop picking at myself because I am not “the problem.”

I have always been a part of the solution.

There are too many variables and I am too burnt out to keep striving.

I gained the one English training, but have decided as of a few minutes ago that I am done trying to find space in my life to finish the next three modules.

This horse is just finished with plowing.

I was fretting about income, but then got a call to do two sessions today.

After completion and directly upon exiting out of my own acupuncture treatment which focused on trying to calm down my adrenal system, I got the emergency text.

The wolf had snagged and ripped a hind toenail in the porch – inital estimate of which was the amount I had just gained.

Twelve years before us; twelve years behind.

Growing exponentially to catch up in time.

The only way to overcome is to beat back the accusations by declaring what I would have/could have done had I been given the real data – instead of it being masked and hidden from me.

Was it by the jeweler’s will or energy dug up from the wrong hill which cursed the lustrous gem and targeted the innocent who donned it?

(Title of multiple meanings)

She reached for the shining, white-rainbowed spectrolite, knowing it was not meant for her but wondering what she would see.

She was met by her youth being drained before her reflectioned eyes by a spirit that was angry and filled with envy.

I suspect that mirrors are not the best mirrors for me.

It happened right when I first returned home from Egypt in 2017.

We both saw my image become distorted suddenly.

Whatever was in that pendant I tried on was not friendly.

Or maybe whatever it was lept from it, and now flits between mirrors – harrassing.

What do I do with the space of silence?

How ought I strive to be?

(Hee hee!)

I write and post in order to define and evaluate my inner workings.

It is a way for me to reconnect with myself, process, and grieve.

Part of my healing process is to declare lost faith while seeking strength again to believe.

This is my forum to announce intentions and promote joy for others to receive.

I will state my truths so that I can be properly perceived.

A New Revolution casting aside pretenses so who we are truly as individuals can be tended to and nourished positively. Maybe then, we can end atrocities and killing – for they are unnecessary.