Category: Stream of Thought

How do I gain confidence in self when what I will commit to for me personally is constantly renegotiable – being erased from the screen in response to daily life tending?

What can I rely on? Who do I want to be? What talents ought I to be further developing.

It seems to just comes down to I evolve to meet emergencies: what is left of me is confused and trembling because there are no reboot defaults to rely upon in my core, anymore.

Much of whar I see gets filtered through a preset of “how will this best serve my family?”

Not a bad thing – in fact, highly necessary.

But, the process makes me continually break apart and grind down any potential for frivolity.

If any interest that I have cannot be picked up in a moment, continued briefly, and then put down again until the next time I get to it and still be able to advance in progressing, then how can it hold relevancy and benefit me?

This nomadic type of lifestyle has infiltrated my programming of what a “normal life” would be.

Now, quite frankly, I get restless if I am for too long slowing down for rebooting energy!

My heart feels like it is expanding with Lifeforce that wants to expand and go exploring.

How do I tend to home needs and yet be allowed to go wandering?

Maybe that’s it: I need more positive experiences to better choose my new directions.

Angel number 1200 is a message from your angels to stop and take a look at the bigger picture. There’s no need to panic, stress out, or worry – things will be ok… Your mind needs time to rest and relax so you can gather new creative thoughts.

ministryofnumerology.com/angel-number-1200-biblical-meaning-symbolism-love-significance/#:~:text=Angel%20Number%201200%20%E2%80%93%20The%20Hidden,can%20gather%20new%20creative%20thoughts.

(This is exactly what I needed to hear today!)

Speaking of my insecurities and where I feel the weakest, the average onlooker would not know this about me – for I have become competant in external navigating.

I had a saxophone that I named my golden goose, but I sold it because I was afraid to play it for lack of privacy.

I used to tinker at the school’s lesson piano, but then realized that my peers whom I wanted to impress might be disuaded.

Singing is something I do passionately when the moment takes me – but then, in public, my throat closes to clenching.

I am too deep of an accomodator – an empath afraid to go further down on her luck.

There is a thin veneer that I rely upon, having had my barriers infiltrated and burned through.

But, if I had a man that believed in me, I wonder if there would even be limits to what I could do!

For I belirve it comes down to insecurity from not having solid ground to stand on.

When it is just me advocating for my dreams, it is safer to chameleonize and keep moving on.

It’s Spring Break!

No wonder energies have scattered!

Gold and blue flames casting heat in their glow, I and the hound and the wolf shared a small bowlfull of canned, reduced-salt peas for the first time this evening.

One by one, pea by pea, they each gently sucked the green tartness from my pinched fingertips and either promptly, delicately chewed and swallowed – or rooted about on the floor after dropping them.

It is moments like these that must be made room for and then partaken of in order to create new patterns of trust between each other, and within our new surroundings.

It all feels like the same to me – just ten years+ later, more worn as reclaiming scattered pieces.

I have no real reason to think that love will happen “again” for me. Afterall, I never really had it from a partner.

Oh sure, they made some noises and professed some things – which soon after seemed easily forgotten.

No…I am the one who rallied and strove, while they just chose to not leave sooner.

It isn’t the same.

How to care for another human has always seemed more accessible than figuring out what I need. How does one give their self nourishment beyond what I have been doing?

Every night, I am stripped down to less than nothing – and the next day, I struggle to rebuild myself again.

I have always been a big life dreamer: more interested in the larger picture than the minutiae of tiny details.

Athough I recognize their importance, they can bombard the senses – leaving little room for imagination.

A combo that when finished with elliptical, thigh, and ab routine helps restore lymphatic movement.

Seeing the 844 angel number means that you are safe. Growth is often inhibited by our fears, but 844 is here to tell you that you don’t have to be afraid. You are allowed to grow and trust in your progress.

https://lifefamilyfun.com/spiritual-health/angel-numbers/844-angel-number/#:~:text=What%20Does%20Seeing%20The%20Angel,and%20trust%20in%20your%20progress.

(I pick and choose them :D)

It is nice to know that over time, I am consistent.

The more I settle into myself, the more I have fun by myself.

I like me.

I am a lot of fun!

Often when and after I post, I worry what people will think of me.

I have gotten such flak in the past for being a romantic.

A spoon left on a napkin for later reuse; a takeout soup container returned to the fridge after 10pm slurping: these are the hallmarks of bachelors.

The master healers gave me some things I needed – but was not yet ready for. Now, I’m paying for it.

(the receiving)

My foe is me.

My youngling has been sick and spending time with a friend, who is also sick from the coworker who brought it to their workplace a few days ago.

We miss each other greatly and are too long overdue on our popcorn-and-movie binging.

But, they are trying to stay away from me as I am already fatigually compromised.

I appreciate this because lately I have been feeling like I am just dodging and weaving a next catastrophe.

I need time and space to resettle into my bones and reboot my confidence.

In the firelight’s evening flickering, she remembered how she had asked for him – and then received.

There are important events, but then, nourishing sanctum is best.

She asked if she could someday, expecting to be told never again – but, instead was told in four years. Time to heal and recuperate for the event.

Pulled downward into the abyss, she was held in safety as the virus passed over.

And with that request, she succumbed to Oblivion.

Her body begged for it.

But, her instincts fled from it.

What I like about the best of them is that the heroine may have become broken, but she is cherished and regains abilities.

The prized unit was perched on the edge of the curving lane which passed the pool upon entering the small group of condominiums and crossed an upper loop of the golf course which traced a large pond with ducks, cooties, reeds, and black swans – depending on the season.

As she grew to maturity, she wondered what it would be like to have it bequethed to her after their passing, for she loved this home dearly and was the first born of their grandchildren.

But this was not to be. It was given to her uncle who sold it for the brief gain of money.

I haven’t been ok.

Therefore, I am ok.

Just not always instantaneous.

1. The angular distance of a place north or south of the earth’s equator, or of a celestial object north or south of the celestial equator, usually expressed in degrees and minutes.”at a latitude of 51° N”Similar:parallelgrid lineOpposite:longitudemeridian

2. Scope for freedom of action or thought.”journalists have considerable latitude in criticizing public figures”Similar:freedomscopeleewayelbow roombreathing spacespace

(Google search)

Planning to garden seems neither here nor there.

(Meanings – haha!)

This is me.

This is me.

This is not me.

This is me.

Sometimes I see them and can’t help but track them.

Afterall, listening saved me – and not, betrayed.

He had to corrupt everything that she was doing to cause her reaction so that he could have reason to leave her.

There is no cure. There are no reparations.

There is only walking forward and figuring out how to unlock doors to greet the present’s future.

In these vast echo chambers of a catacombed mind, to hear myself lost and alone in the darkness was frightening.

But even worse was when I became awsre of it – and then they became aware of me and came scurry-crawling in their eagerness to feed.

Dark abominations of imagination came greeting to where I’d been cast after the garden was closed to me by my own hand’s sealing.

A child’s attempt to divert trauma walled off normal relating.

So I can hear myself think.

I heard something…

But that doesn’t mean it was anything.

Or is it my own perceptions that are glitching as pain throttles complacency?

An outstretched claw contracted in tension as she remembered how the wizard had vexed and tormented her.

Becoming aware in pain and fitful napping, she extended it – willing it to acknowledge this was a new beginning.

Relationships are give and take and require at minimum two identities.

I morph too easily and try to accomodate, blending into the scenery.

Until I form my opinions, and then – surprise! – I’m unique.

Spirit embodied.