Category: Stream of Thought

I shall pretend that their uncertainty in every step is because I have just come into port from a long sea voyage.

I really love being back into the music scene!

Will there be enough of it to achieve my next great advancements?

Has it taken this long for me to learn enough to now begin doing what I came here to do?

Or has the delay been from time needed to reclaim ground that traumatic events blasted?

I wonder how many artists are, in truth, tormented souls.

Sometimes it is from economic influences.

Sometimes it is from one’s own or another’s choices and behaviors.

And sometimes it is from sheer determination to make a life better for one’s self and their dependents.

“Maybe it’s your side that needs fixing…” with regards to Twin Flame reunions.

But then, the whole Twin Flame relationship seems like a b.s. racket in how its dynamics are set up.

Why be bound to someone spiritually who by splitting off as a half from a whole is possibly no longer alike you in any way?

And what would incentivize them to “rejoin” with you, now that they’ve acquired a new sense of freedom?

(Title play with words)

When it was taken, I was trying out the concept of wearing glasses and had just reached a level of modified stability after recovering from the first bout of homelessness by extreme circumstances.

I was at last feeling a bit recovered then, and that the world was again opening up for me.

I was determined to make the most of it – as can be seen in my hopeful and youth-filled smiling.

I reflect in review how it is said that negative patches in one’s life can be seen over time as just blip-hiccups in the relative scheme of comparative positives.

Yet, it seems that my life’s trends have been full of managing some sort of substantial loss and tragedy.

That being said, I can still hope and reach for someday flipping circumstances to represent more in my favor.

I must learn to become this regarding my own flights of creative-expressive whimsy.

Being a visionary, I tend to observe patterns and realize that I am not in the same “giving to others” capacity as I have been through my earlier adult years.

I am still generous of spirit, observant-empathetic, and lovingly caring, but I now need to carve out space for my own self to exist while attempting to push aside event and circumstantial wreckage.

In other words, it seems that I have a lot of “personal housekeeping” to attend to.

I don’t even want to talk about the lifelong persecution complex I seem to have had plaguing me – it already attempts to divert my attention from what really matters to me!

If I begin creating and producing my own projects and fulfilling my own personal dreams, will the messaging at last recede?

It would be great if this time would last where I am buffered and supported as I recover.

But it has been my experience that grace periods get cut quicker than I could adapt if I relied upon them.

Being with someone on any form of drug that changes original personality seems to make it difficult to bridge communication distortions.

Listening to the leaf blower as she sat in the relative serenity of the open compound courtyard, she reflected upon the quivering inside of her that was learning that it could begin to broaden and slow in its wavelengths.

Being back on a campus now that her children were no longer caught in the ragged throes of their disrupted teens gave her an awareness that the world was truly at last coming to be within her reach.

She had become so used to stopping and being still that her features now would settle as if granite.

How is it even possible and such a struggle for me to feel any self confidence?

I guess I am too busy attending to other things to nourish my own ego.

I mean, what would that process even look like?

Puffing and strutting my stuff in front of a mirror?

Talking nyself up to myself with words of pride and praise?

Maybe I just give out so much energy that only scraps are left for my basic reboot functioning.

And now I am overcompensating due to more injuries.

Why do some people “have it easier” where others seem to not?

It’s all relative, depending upon which angles you examine any given situation.

“I have abilities,” she told him nervously but earnestly.

“I know you do,” he affirmed.

“My confidence is just shakey and insecure because I keep phasing.”

The idea is that God is manifested in our expressions of love and forgiveness.

All the love she had put into him, he then gave to another –

Which is not the best way to show the giver appreciation.

Of love, regard, and virtue.

It seems best to hide one’s insides at times to avoid being ridiculed.

I cut my hair to dissolve entanglements.

Often a facade meant to hide pain.

It is better to be love-starved and alone, than to be in a relationship and still love-starved.

She always started slow and then could outpace the rest once she felt the rhythms of the event and how the others set their paces.

But she turned suddenly from the track, resolute that this race was not one that she was going to finish.

I must be careful about what I form attachments to as I am striving to reach new heights.

That’s it – right there:

I “do not appear to exist.”

Meaning, I am either “just passing through this universe.”

It could also mean that I am “not easily perceived” for my truth of existence.

Or how about most importantly: I am not on this planet to merely exist and do nothing!

My aspirations make a much better story.

The tale of an impish spirit that phased through walls of conformity to prove that love and will’s good intentions are capable of overcoming all obstacles.

It doesn’t need to matter if there is no one to receive or appreciate me.

We must all rise to our own challenges and be our greatest cheerleader.

Just because something mattered at another time does not mean that it still matters today.

Unless someone has a vested interest.

After a lifetime of hiding, it is a delicate process to gain confidence in revealing one’s self – even to one’s self.

Everyone has their own opinions on how their lives should unfold.

I guess mine involves circumnavigating the “fabrics of ‘foundation.'”

A question and an answer:

“A sentence in the Enigma song Rivers of Belief goes as follows:

‘And when the Lamb opened the seventh seal,
Silence covered the sky.’

There is a Biblical reference here. But I would like to know, what is the meaning of the line and what does the line imply?”

***

“The lines are an allusion to the Book of Revelations, more specifically the end of chapter 7 and the beginning of chapter 8:

[Chapter 7: 17] For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
[Chapter 8: 1] And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.
[2] And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.
[3] And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.

(See BibleHub.com for alternative translations of Revelations 8:1.)

The song title “Rivers of Belief” refers to the role that rivers, sometimes sacred rivers, play in some religions. For example, Jesus was baptised in the river Jordan. For Hindus, the Ganges and the Yamuna are sacred rivers in India. While the song almost literally quotes the Bible, the line “I will return” can also be read as an allusion to reincarnation, which is a belief in Hinduism (among other religions).

The meaning of the seventh seal and the silence that follows its opening is a matter of Biblical hermeneutics. The Wikipedia article about the seven seals, for example, summarises five views: the preterist view, the historicist view, the futurist view, the idealist view and the Mormon view. The answers to the question In Revelation 8:1 does opening the seventh seal do anything? on Biblical Hermeneutics Stack Exchange present an additional set of interpretations. It seems that the meaning of that line remains open to debate.”

https://literature.stackexchange.com/questions/15794/meaning-of-lines-about-the-lamb-in-the-enigma-song-rivers-of-belief

Belief was one thing that I had.

Did the Angels thus value me for it?

It must have served me well, though desired outcomes failed.

I still feel that all we wanted could have succeeded, had he and I collaborated.

But it couldn’t be helped when his intentions worked to counteract.

He just…didn’t want it.

There was longing in his voice as he sighed out her name – and a question – as she turned away down the pathway to her car where she could see its outline dimly lit in the late evening shadows.

Or had it been a request, thinly disquised?

Yet, cloaked it had been, which she could not then be certain of his feelings for her, so she dared not reengage to embrace him and become entangled.

Maybe “good enough” is actually enough.

I need to sell my old car to reduce bills, but I feel stuck in proceeding.

It was there for me through my attempts at recovering my life’s stream.

The year things began to disolve in my marriage, crows and hawks nested on our property and had their babies – a sure sign of blessing and welcome from nature’s community for our family.

But when one partner of a pair welcomes signs of hope, joy, and confirmation of prosperity while the other for whatever reason turns away from such positivity, their bond becomes destined for separation.

I think about certain opportunities and realize that time may be limited – therefore, I must make the best of them while I have gained access.

Much about this word tends to be attached to past associations, where a new opportunity meets some sort of reinforced bias.

It is hard for me to say that mine are enough.

At last, my neck will also be investigated.

I’d like to think that I am making progress…

They say that healing occurs over time, but mine seems slow to come. I get the feeling that it is working on many levels – hidden from my own inner eye.

Is it really necessary to quantify and qualify everyone according to some unrealistic standards?

Or is this just another method of attempting to control for unsustainable monocultures?

(Title play with words)