Category: Stream of Thought

I cannot simultaneously attend every moving component, which is resulting in our leaving before we know where we are going.

“I am not just another moth to your flame.”

It is more difficult to move out of a place than into a new one. This goes for homes, paradigms – etc.

When I first heard “Seas Of Cheese” in early 1990’s, that was when we lived on the upper story of tbe Biddle House, where the tiny fluff, perfectly designed flame-shaped owl feather floated into my open-to-palm-tree-window, and I was sewing our union’s first Ren clothing and patchwork, finely innerlined capes.

Fascinated by the album’s auditory and cover concept art, I wondered how Primus had developed to that point, and how and in what ways I could follow after in expressing my own prospective creative ingenuities.

Her strategy up until 2011 had been to navigate around the crazy. Since “The Fall,” it was as if an unseen force kept pulling her forward, straight through it. She hoped this meant she was on a shortcut to greater gains and positive influences.

Where others weave entrapments, I seek to be released from their entanglements – stretching to fly on new wings.

She was on a mission. It just had not defined its purpose to her in coherent, strategic revelation.

Given warning, all she could do was keep trying and watch the slide-downward-effect increase its slant as time accelerated to culminate in their launch into the Unknown’s abyss.

“If I’m gonna die on the streets, I’ll do it my way.”

I will not descend to emotional games other people play. They are wasteful, outdated, and turn blue skies to gray.

She just wanted to blast, “Stay away from me – and get off of my property!” To the landlord’s continuous gay frolicking outside with the workmen as they spread their mess and noise above and all around her in the final days that her family had.

Because “forgiveness” in Christianity is often paired with “turning the other cheek” (so you get smacked again), I do not necessarily forgive – but, I acknowledge.

It helps that I am taking things into my own hands and getting us out of other peoples’toxic, fear-based paradigms.

After a long day in her hiking boots (even working out at the gym wearing them), she had kicked them off and gone barefoot late in the evening, and they had had sweat on them.

So tired that she did not shower, she lay down and tried to calm her system, only to realize she had four small bites on her feet, itch-flaring with pain-filled sensation.

Mosquitos are like scammers, bad politicians, and conmen still addicted to chemicals: they’re always seeking opportunity; like landlords and mechanics who try to negatively leverage their own security.

Yeah, ever since the car issue this afternoon and us realizing our cat’s system is no longer regulating, my system’s just gone into high alert.

Our cat’s seizures have suddenly increased.

Didn’t I jist deal with the whole housing, car, betrayal thing? What is needed to get real resolution?

The line of data points string up tight where clemency of extended time and good will’s kept promises denied thrust lymbic system back into hyperreaction.

Trying to train her body to get out of fight-flight-freeze mode was especially difficult when about to lose housing and now having her mechanic try to fenagle out of their deal to get her car back. Sometimes, being nice was just not worth it.

Rocking out to “You May Be Right” turned up too loud so I can hear it while still wearing ear plugs so I don’t hear so intensely the dogs whining and cat yowling for breakfast because they see I have arisen.

If you are under deep duress, is it things going your way? Or if you have a list of things to do, does finishing give “hooray?”

“God, why has my path led me time and again so close to the edge of failing when I have dedicated my life to propagating good works and healing?”

Mentally scuffing her hiking-booted foot against the graveled pavement, she reigned in anger but allowed out the frustration as she geared up for another day of laborious solo moving.

It seems that the help of agency strangers can at times be counted on when in a great time of need, rather than the people one has worked to develop good relationships with. I am grateful for these “angels” helping to gift us wings to bridge the chasms. It is in such times having “paid it forward” returns to give reprieve’s sanctuary.

I had such bravado, up until covid decimated any chances of my fiance and I salvaging our marrying. I look back now and though a part of me still loves him, I don’t want to try again.

What happened over the three years and how it ended is just not something I want to get close to again. And at this point, I am not sure how to regain my confidence to join with a partner.

To have showered after the sticky and sweat of a 95 degree moving day.

Even though I am often on the losing side, I still choose to uphold morality – despite the lack of it in others

My focus has been about survival since 2011 and keeping everyone safe and well. Being on low income for so long, we have had the grace of youth on our side for the pets. But they have grown to be older and are beginning to need more resources to keep and maintain their health.

I rarely get a chance to settle down and enjoy their company. Life for me has been a state of constant distress: I work, run errands, do paperwork, chase loose odds and ends. I have fought to keep our family united, but I wonder now if I need more help.

We have many pets. They are our family members. It is difficult to find a place that will allow so many, and hard to reconcile being homeless to keep caring for them.

Last year’s young star jasmines and white gardenias are fragrantly blooming outside my open window as a cool breeze enters to relieve heat’s stuffiness and a mourning dove coos its sweet consolation.

My life’s purpose seems to get repeatedly conscripted by the need for survival on life’s choppy seas.

The countdown begins today, a day before the first of August.

I know that it is extra expense to rent a truck more than once, but it is better for me to take apart our established mode in layers.

Maybe it will help ease the panic. Certainly it allows me to take this in stages and get acclimated.

It also spreads out the intensity of labor so I can better manage the load and still attend to clients.

Taking (something) apart.

Translating (a program) from machine code into a higher-level programming language.

(From Oxford Languages.)

She did not consider herself an anxious person, but in these recent years, faith was harder to come by as she experienced tyranny after tyranny.

When people are disallowed from working to find common ground, the result is loss at the hands of a user.

She didn’t feel good about returning to the house.

The questions of why plagued her, tearing calm apart, twisting knots in her abdomen that clenched and would not stop.

To be ejected without a reason and left pondering how she could have prevented was more cruel than straight-up criticism right from the start.

Many elements played their part throughout the night to lead to the coalescence upon one moment of arrival where she had arranged for the renowned instructor to teach students elegant skills of esteemed etiquette-leisure equestrianism.

Somehow she had maneuvered herself into the position of attending and riding a worthy steed and was scanning tomorrow’s details within the program when he happened by her table, laughing with professional collegues.

As he paused to take a breath before further speaking, her enthusiasm bubbled over – seizing the moment to ask him if he knew of the class and if he would be attending. He was considering the concept before her dream ended…

The pieces of variance began to move in different directions, planned by enacting yet taking off onto their predilections. It was hard to keep track of them as worry lines creased her brow, unsure if she was timing it all right with little control of the whens or hows. All she could do was set everything into motion and revisit each grouping to its completion, following the flow through the wormhole.

In the end, he had given up hope for humanity. Despair had let the cancer eat away at him. He had nothing left to say to his granddaughter as he wither-shrank, once robust and so full of love.

On her own, she affected a solid stance; a slow, purposeful stride of command; an air of easy dominance sitting back with one arm outstretched over the top of a bench.

In a predator vs. prey environment, confidence prevents a lone wolf being tested for weakness.

Life has shown me that the good times don’t come easily. Usually, I have to wade through a dangerous, boggy swamp to get to new Utopia’s.

Angel number 1225 tells you that you have done everything right in your life and that the angels are proud of you. You are on the right path to become a good and successful man and therefore remain as you are now.

https://angelnumbersmeaning.com › …

(I did not know that I aspired to be a man…!)

They look at me and say that I have procrastinated – but, no.

I have understood what this move would require and how it could fragment what I have carefully crafted.

Now becomes the time for action, where before results would not have brought satisfaction.

We are here now, and though we may be without a home again, we are further along our path and in a better city.

I pass an already homeless woman carrying and pulling her bags, weary from traveling in the heat under burden of heavy clothing. Her hair is up in a wisping bun and her eyes are laced with bedraggled worry.

The differences between she and I are few and many: superficial – like I have showered recently – but the angst runs parallel and blurry.

The ability to see more than one side to any situation and to not lash out at others for one’s travails.

I did not say it was easy…(rueful chuckle – feck!)

I pick up the messages that seem good and analyze, then recycle the rest – planning for a future of better prospects.

The angel number 1122 is composed of the Master Numbers 11 and 22. This indicates a spiritual elevation that runs through the life of both twin flames. Angel number 1122 is alerting both of you that you are ready to manifest a noble life purpose that will benefit you both and all those around you.

twinflameguides.medium.com 

A friend informed me yesterday in response to my sharing with him that we might be homeless again that corporations are buying up all of the housing properties

Rather than reacting to his words with the well- cultivated panic induced by those in charge of the continued demise of humanity, I replied with a stoic, “Ah…dystopian.”