Category: Stream of Thought

Oi vey!

Welcome to men too “old” for me and incompatible with my personality!

They are weird and wonderful.

I find her reckless abandon liberating, intoxicating, and alluring – and it calls to something within that has become restless.

Thinking one can handle temptation, when they have reached critical mass.

Being confined by others’ projections.

When one has been in long term pain, at some point they yearn to embrace the darkness to find a way through to the light of day.

The belief that the self can never have where they long to be.

As I passed by, I misread the name of a dispensary called “The Green Room” as “The Groan Room.”

When words do not make sense by current spelling, I default to logic: judgment = judgement.

I do not know everything about you because I do not want assumptions to cloud my judgement.

I could destroy, but choose not to.

It wasn’t just how he left me – but that everything I’d worked for was taken, and how we now looked to society.

I began writing so that the madness would let go of me.

I try to flow with where the universe is leading, and if something does not work, I reorient to see if there is a message to seek more clarity or aim more truly.

My current part-time job not being consistent pushes me to branch out into other areas that I have long been considering.

In this new venue, I am reassured due to the population base of diversity and potential job opportunities – compared to where we have lived for the last three years.

However, it is tricky designing a new lifestyle when dependent upon congruency and follow through by others.

Thus, I will apply to established agencies which perhaps commit more seriously.

Always being sun shine and care free.

The trick is to seek the messaging we want to believe – and to hold onto this tightly while learning how to debunk negativity.

It i clear to me that I have a capable gift for healing.

However, if no one wants or needs it, I will divert my attentions.

I don’t like shutting down with my “nose to the grind stone.”

It’s a temporary solution at best, which limits ingenuity.

Nestled in bed under layers of covers, squinting at the screen in shadowed light as thoughts channel.

I was making a list of items needed from the store, and meant to write “pie” crusts, but instead typed “poe” crusts.

Kaw! Kaw!

A whole different type of crust – with corvids emerging from it!

(Reference to Edgar Allan Poe.)

My one client canceled.

When I make my movie series, I would like to bring those consigned to living on the fringe of society more into the Limelight.

The agency will not help with my online education of remaining 13 units because the college is based in Arizona, and my employment suddenly only has one client scheduled. Unemployment benefits are still mired due to first employer’s f***ery.

Job instability seems a trend in my industry.

Dieting can be stressful because withholding food from oneself is stressful.

However, adding a variety of dieting item options changes up normal routines of what I am eating, and makes my digestion think about food in an adaptive way.

In the yeast-free diet, I found it made me even more sensitive to allergens once reintroduced, and realized that I do better if I have a general bombardment of broadened exposure.

In the specific carbohydrate diet, recipes rely heavily on honey. However, honey is a densely power-packed and “hot” sugar, which I do not do well with in large quantities.

I am trying a modified way of dieting where I am selective, yet have flexibility.

I went to the ER again yesterday, knowing I had an infection that needed antibiotics because something shifted inside me and my body began swelling.

After many tests and scans – all coming up “negative” (which I figured would, as they usually do) – I asked the doctor to triangulate what he would target, given the details I knew of.

He finally gave me the medication, and upon my taking one pill, after an hour, I knew we were on the right track for kicking the infection’s booty

I work a certain amount of time and am trying to keep my options open as to what further structure I can build into my weekly itinerary.

I want to go to school, have friends, have a solid base income, and travel.

I would like more opportunities for income where I relax and enjoy myself.

There are certain people I wish to collaborate with, to synchronize and expand capabilities.

I am building what my dreams are made of.

“Evil” has had its time, and now will come its reckoning.

I am not the source – nor even the messenger.

I am just another bystander, witnessing what is becoming.

It is amazing that I still cling to hope for a good relationship, as 75% turns to 85%, turns to 95% doubt that having one is possible.

I will say this now, because circumstances will likely change: it is much needed and appreciated to not have to push myself so hard.

It has been like signing up for a play with the goal of getting a lead role, but getting stuck in sub par cameos which haven’t fit my ideals.

Today during one of my therapy sessions, I was shown a next step unwinding to shoulder torsion tension. The key was in releasing trigger adhesions along the planes of terres major and minor, pectoralis major and minor, and subscapularis myofascial spiraling. The client’s muscle patterns told me what was needed.

I told my friend I feel as if I have always known her.

Like I saw her in high school (though we are years apart) and she was one of the “cool” kids with her “cool” friends – mainly emo, goth, and empathic spiritual with creative ingenuity externalized expressiveness.

Now, the planes shift to where our paths connect in the present, after we have both gone on our own quests, seeking emergence of humanity’s true purpose.

We lament how so many people seem determined to prevent our species’ growth, and I reassure her that our time is coming.

I wonder if there is a natural order and flow to things that I keep running up against and resisting, as I am carried along within streams of intricacies.

(Title has multiple meanings.)

I like it when individuals open up and invite me to engage with them.

I’m beginning to meet playful people who are witty, creative, and intelligent!

I found that if I no longer focused on remembering them, for some reason, the trauma could not hurt me so directly, anymore

I want your world, and I want my own.

“Now, I want both.”

The pain was insane Tuesday.

I tried a prescribed NSAID topical cream – and it just sealed in the heat’s pressure!

For eight hours, mostly non stop, I worked physically hard to help others recover, wondering at what point does the mind snap?

I got a sudden jolting, as if I was readying to go shopping for seedling herbs and vegetables with the coming of spring at the hardware store’s landscape area, where I used to seek specialties like low-to-ground chamomile sprig clumps.. They have an exquisitely-sweet smell when fingers are brushed over the tiny “leaves.”

The many layers of brain’s consciousness can be subtle – to the extreme.

I have noticed that if I am happy in the mirror, I do not see what the crone casts to harm me.

It drives my youngest crazy, and I will admit that I am pushed to borderline, but at least I know peripherally what the dogs are doing, as they focus on accessing any hint of micro spec remnanted almond butter left in the medium-to-small Kongs (TM).

I must begin healing myself.

The online college is readmitting me for finishing my Bachelor’s – eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I must be my own “safety” zone when others turn this on.

I’m sorry Mr. “”, but you’re just too good to be where the others play lightly.

That’s all they’ll have, whereas you are just at your beginning.