Category: Stream of Thought

“Equally wretched are the meek, and the strong.”

I find I linger when in either because there is where I have privacy, and no one expects something of me.

Once I am “up” or “out,” “Game on!” influences vie for my attentions and pull at me.

I need external reinforcement of my boundaries.

I prefer to avoid it in other people because I am battling plenty in my own consciousness.

Except where I see opportunity where I can help aid or provide healing – then, it parts way for me as targeted and changed to positive productivity.

But, in order to maintain proper focus, this means I must self isolate. Too many polar influences try to conscript me.

I just haven’t met enough people who share similar values and morality to where I feel reinforced and that it is safe to relax again.

I find moments of clear brilliance, and step from one – leaping across darkness — to another.

I get distressed working within confines of time if there are many things I need to be doing, or places I need to be going.

Once I am in the groove of where I need to be in any given situation, it is easier to relax and focus.

It is the winding up and coordinating many plates a’spinning that now overwhelms me.

Mainly, because they are all important – and I feel too much pressure to be choosing them all.

I used to work and pile-manage like a rockin’ “Type A,” disguising my “B.”

Now, I realize I am a “Type C” – yet, am struggling to find a new balance.

Maybe I am frazzled from longterm crisis management.

(Title of multiple meanings)

It is frustrating to be a healer and not have other healers be able to address my needs.

They just don’t know my techniques.

I am going to try training a friend of mine to help me, because I discovered yesterday just how much pain my fascia is holding.

I also realized that I cannot start training my tiny core stability muscles until I first get the larger muscles strengthening.

This is odd to me, because I usually approach training from tiny muscles to large.

But, my fine fiber fascia already has too much load being placed on it.

After trying to work it yesterday, today is as if my nerves are screaming.

But, if and when they occur, I try to curb them – immediately.

Sometimes, knowledge is learned by accident, if I have had no prior experience.

Then, I make adjustments to correct given situation.

“Necessity Breeds Invention.”

Many people are choosing to live with positive intention.

When I desire something that is being resistant, I work on other aspects in life to strengthen my position.

My mother was the first to step out proud and strong to raise an independent generation.

It is too easy for one partner or both to take the other’s needs for granted, once “locked in” to this system.

And yet, without this type of commitment, it is too easy to take things lightly and give in to self indulgences.

Will the Angels chide me for not having crossed more lines – for not having experienced things that they can only view from veiled boundaries?

Or will they welcome me home as one of the valued – having ranked as a higher form of human?

I will prove it to myself.

When you are a force for Good, the Angels watch and listen.

It tears me up to do the calculations, to see the damage that forces I had nothing to do with – Pandemic, idiocy, and poor government management – have wrecked upon my finances.

This is not an accurate reflection of me nor my abilities, but a testament to my sheer strength of will and determination to overcome and improve our life – no matter imposed, arbitrary dictates.

Whether by “Right Timing,” “Guidance,” or my own intuiting, I have developed an unwrapping-of-tension-patterns therapy that is succeeding.

My beloved told me I have real good in me, genuine and true.

But, what good has this brought me – except the good that I do?

Climbing up into a tree, perching and watching everybody – wondering when it is safe to come down.

They tell me not to want or look for the one who would catch me.

I don’t know what he’d look like, anymore.

I descend, run awhile, and climb – looking for my welcome shore.

Senses Need Stimulation.

I do everything the “hard” way.

The most difficult part of all was realizing I could not trust anyone, despite my own dependability.

A lifestyle for others who are not seeking what I seek.

I must look to where I am going – not where I have been.

By word, thought, and deed.

Dynamic personalities see my strength and think I can take the hits they throw at me.

No.

No, I can’t.

Get off of me.

Thank you to my friend for the mind sensory and emotional bombardment that for a few weeks made me feel unalone, yet realize that I do prefer the calm, constructive management of independence – rather than the swinging ups and downs of others’ raw chaos.

Why do these invade and the positive ones evade?

Exactly how do I shift my paradigm’s attraction?

I realize now that he and I may be two halves of a whole, born of the same starseed mother, as mirror reflections of each other.

As I wrote and thought this, the clock turned to 12:21am – “Hah!”

It is sad to learn that I was merely a surface for someone to project upon.

I am regaining flow of efforts between pushing myself, and easing down to unwind.

I had moved the abdominal machine into the inside of my bedroom’s boundary, which shoved it into a dark and cramped corner, making it hard to access and depressing to use.

I figured out yesterday what was bothering me about it, and revamped my room’s enclosure to where the machine is back at open access in the front room, facing outside to look through curtains, should I want to.

Things look more bright and airy.

There’s a bird that’s just flown in, chirping outside our building!

Witnessing the recent volatile vagaries in fellow humans, I will not be inviting many (if any) to our home.

It is something uniquely defined for each individual.

“Positive growth and collaboration.”

My PT listened to me when I explained I knew what I needed, but couldn’t find anyone to train to give my shoulder the therapy.

He pulled from his tools techniques congruent to my preference – and wherever I guided and he tried, I could feel my muscles responding!

“I am my own canvas.”

I want someone who wants the same kind of love that I do, who can match me in capabilities, and who is wanting to partake in fulfilling each other’s dreams.

This is the clearest to date that I have defined this craving.

I pick up nuances of language, like imprints upon my mind – depending upon who I am frequently interacting with.

So like, when my phone slipped out hanging from my robe as if to angle perfectly – then fell smashing hard against my forefoot, I exclaimed, “Ouch! Bitch – gonna hurt my toe?!”

And then, rubbed my toes roughly to dissipate the pain’s ache, laughing at my capacity ruefully.

I have waited years to do this, but now is quite possibly the time to again paint my toenails the deep, lush dragon-phoenix colors I love.

Then, when I look down at my feet in solitary contemplation, I will see reflections of my inner beauty shimmering back at me.

“Angel number 1033 implies that everything in life is available, but not everything is necessary because a good life chooses its aspects.”

Grains of salt (“taken with a grain of salt”) at SunSigns.org

The little girl inside doubts her abilities – while the warrior wields her sword without compromise.

I was taught that “God takes care of His own.”

Where does that place me?

It is nicer to be on this side where I can more easily attend to what needs to be done – rather than always being behind and at deficit, working on impossible to complete projects.

I have had my insides out more with my friend recently, than clamped down as I’ve usually been.

However, I made the hard decision I always do to abstain from easy pleasures.

Sheesh – do I really know what’s good for me?

I’m a Fecking Ascetic!

I have been looking for a trainer who will do trade of services with me, yet have not found the right fit for my ideal workout – and they are not looking for new exchanges.

Wherever she went, she could sense people’s pain, and did whatever she could to help soothe it – regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, politics, or economic status.

I must pay attention to where I find “yes,” and not further fret where I find “no.”

I am of the force which pushes original boundaries, taking us to further levels of achievement.

I just can’t walk the same paths others still do and have gone down before.

Even when I try, I am shown the door because I am not a cookie-cut replicant.