Category: Stream of Thought

“I am my own canvas.”

I want someone who wants the same kind of love that I do, who can match me in capabilities, and who is wanting to partake in fulfilling each other’s dreams.

This is the clearest to date that I have defined this craving.

I pick up nuances of language, like imprints upon my mind – depending upon who I am frequently interacting with.

So like, when my phone slipped out hanging from my robe as if to angle perfectly – then fell smashing hard against my forefoot, I exclaimed, “Ouch! Bitch – gonna hurt my toe?!”

And then, rubbed my toes roughly to dissipate the pain’s ache, laughing at my capacity ruefully.

I have waited years to do this, but now is quite possibly the time to again paint my toenails the deep, lush dragon-phoenix colors I love.

Then, when I look down at my feet in solitary contemplation, I will see reflections of my inner beauty shimmering back at me.

“Angel number 1033 implies that everything in life is available, but not everything is necessary because a good life chooses its aspects.”

Grains of salt (“taken with a grain of salt”) at SunSigns.org

The little girl inside doubts her abilities – while the warrior wields her sword without compromise.

I was taught that “God takes care of His own.”

Where does that place me?

It is nicer to be on this side where I can more easily attend to what needs to be done – rather than always being behind and at deficit, working on impossible to complete projects.

I have had my insides out more with my friend recently, than clamped down as I’ve usually been.

However, I made the hard decision I always do to abstain from easy pleasures.

Sheesh – do I really know what’s good for me?

I’m a Fecking Ascetic!

I have been looking for a trainer who will do trade of services with me, yet have not found the right fit for my ideal workout – and they are not looking for new exchanges.

Wherever she went, she could sense people’s pain, and did whatever she could to help soothe it – regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, politics, or economic status.

I must pay attention to where I find “yes,” and not further fret where I find “no.”

I am of the force which pushes original boundaries, taking us to further levels of achievement.

I just can’t walk the same paths others still do and have gone down before.

Even when I try, I am shown the door because I am not a cookie-cut replicant.

External output keeps being more than ease of returns.

Being a single parent in survival mode has blocked doors inside that would open to me.

I had invested in a life as middle class, but was relegated to continuous, grinding poverty.

At least I make my own decisions in how to proceed, but repressed creativity haunts me.

I am not going to apply for a career job because I cannot depend upon a career job.

Out of gas, out of ink, out of patience.

“We are going to send this document to you by mail that takes several days to arrive, yet if you do not respond within 5 days of the date we printed this notice, your benefits will be denied.”

A way to move from one paradigm into another is to cultivate the characteristics within yourself that you wish to bring into being.

Mine are not the correct proportions until I accidentally overflow the machine.

I have not figured out if I need a bigger blender – or if this is just my nature.

Today’s Special: mango nectar, 1 1/2 cups whole milk yogurt, 1 cup walnuts, 2-3 Tablespoons molasses, 3 bananas, and 1 cup of blueberries.

So rich and yummy!

Seems like “everyone” is on it, but engages in “blasphemy.”

I cannot recommend it, and have exited.

I have now begun a round of antibiotics where two a day for two weeks is the regime.

I must be careful what I eat and when around taking them, and they inflame my system.

I am hoping they will target a possible years’ long hidden internal infection, which I only recently realized could be the reason I have felt so poorly – despite determined positivity.

Tomorrow, I meet with a trainer whom I hope will mentor me and also receive a physical therapy session to begin rehabilitating my left shoulder.

I am trying to make space for my own recovery and rebuild cherished longevity, now that we are where there are resources.

The work I have been doing with clients ends up unwinding spiral tension patterns.

This evening while praying, I felt it begin to happen to me.

I did not realize comprehension could affect the healer.

Tides are shifting.

I must be ready.

I have decided that I am not going to apply to local career jobs except for my health industry – and only to those that remain fluid and flexible.

Where there are gaps in income, perhaps I will apply for temporary positions.

The point being, I need to be available for my dream opportunities – and survive while aspiring

I asked that the blade tip broken off in my heart be removed – that it work its way up and out of my system.

Then, when others rage and project at me, the metal will no longer be there to heat and ignite me.

Then, I will no longer quiver in pain as it tears at me, and I will no longer be afraid to lead.

Then, the fresh memory of once beloveds hurting and/or leaving me can fade – as I expand into my self’s infinity.

I went again this evening.

I cannot remember if I have been since we’ve moved here – that’s how disjointed everything has been.

I went and I prayed to Allah.

That’s right.

Because Allah is the same God as in Christianity and Judaism.

It is just that in Islam, I am already different.

I don’t have to pretend that I “belong.”

I’m a hybrid and will sing my inclusive song.

There is none – not when forces conspire to prevent it.

Therefore, choose wisely when to do what is important.

It is amazing that people feel the need to project negatively onto each other, when between us we find the answers.

I need a coach to support my goals so that I may overcome my own weaknesses.

I checked out some gyms today and have realized a new wave of reactivism may be coming. It is not a good time to be boxed in with numbers of other people.

I need to get back to working on my abs.

(Title of dual meanings)

There are those wanting to cause strife, despite better solutions.

Belonging to a group is an innate human need, but we should not sacrifice sanctity to gain it.

When danger signals are jangled, I listen deep and analyze carefully.

Some have mitigating and/or disastrous consequences.

When politics and personal motives get mixed into power plays.

I guess I have been searching for it all of my life.

What makes humans bend and break to where they are mere fragments, acting out on remnant and corrupted programming – and how do we help mend these rifts?

But, I no longer want to be so close to the action of it. I need conscious and willing functioning that avoids reinfection.

Understanding enough about the self and others to be able to make fine-line decisions – where if slipped would have consequences, but in executing well, has great benefits.

A well-rounded, fully developing human being.

Women are denied freedom, unless they ascribe to presets in society – whereas men are still allowed to get away with the worst obscenities.

My main calling card.

Coupled with will power, erupts into action.

First, pulling inward – then catalyst added.

I managed six minutes of chasing the ball around, looking like a dork, because my focus was not on looking graceful, but on getting my left arm to extend from its shoulder and respond as it used to.

(Title implies self judgement, as well as venue.)

I do not need trauma bonding.

I need an exit from Hell.

Reading the surface veneer of people is something I have become able to do.

“Smiling back” on a dating app invites people to become attached to you.

However, we are taught that it is impolite and disheartening to another if you do not want to.

I speak out loud to myself to connect thought to vocal.

I am powerful without you, and I do not need your glory –
But, if we joined forces, it would make a wonderful story!

(Title has multiple meanings)