Category: Stream of Thought

I would like to find a backup alarm clock that plays “To dream the impossible dream” as it wakes me.

Are there clocks that can be programmed to different songs, according to one’s latest preferences?

Is it better for you that I remain as a muse, rather than a vital, manifesting woman in love with you?

If he ignored her and kept making excuses, then he didn’t have to show up for himself.

Once I have withdrawn enough, will I again expand?

When and how much is “enough?”

What ratio amends?

After a lifetime of fashioning it from thin air and expending, it makes sense I would now feel tired.

My employment is physical and requires concentrated output endurance, including focused mental clarity to ensure I enact it properly.

I must take my own advice and no longer drive myself so hard in everything.

What would it be like to allow myself space for recovery?

Turning fantastic imagination into productive reality.

I now wear the ring she gave to me.

It’s the one material possession I have of any value – magnified because it was given by a discerning heart which allowed itself to have faith in me.

Our matriarch knew very little about my depths, but we connected on our core family values.

We understood what was important, and we partnered to ensure our family was strong and staying healthy.

Two women 70 years apart in our lifetimes of experience, joined by a common vision.

Dazzling light of dynamic energy reflects outward in all directions from faceted diamonds as I gaze upon it, thinking about that life and how it was stripped from me – how I was cast to the streets and stoned, as if I’d been a diseased beggar now seen as pariah.

How do you wash a taint like that from your system? How does one soothe their own soul as it keens?

My threadbare clothing or the uniform I wear, the pair of nice pants and two shirts of business flare…

Somehow, with these tatters, I must redefine me.

No muss.

No fuss.

No drama.

No llama!

(“Caaaaarrrrlll!”)

Gotta “beat feet!”

Our connection to the earth, to our families, and to each other has been rifted through lifetimes by whatever divisive farce wanting ti take over.

I believe that we each hold the key, and that if we are willing, we can find common ground and heal, together.

How long does it take to recover from it, having acquired the option?

If I’m honest about it and just push aside all the bs still blathering about in my brain, I know I would be good at anything my passion attaches to – as long as security can be obtained.

More bold in energetics than silver, but not as hot as yellow.

It’s to be expected that I’d have this twisting now in my gut, with faintness and dizzied perplexion.

I am calling myself out from hiding.

This is raw and new.

Blark!

It must not matter anymore what critics would say, for clearly they would lack my personal vision.

Leaning in to push against internal resistance.

English and Anatomy.

There’s a wild creature inside of me, tapped into my passions and drinking – growing stronger as each day passes.

She wants to tear out from this skin of conformity and roam the world while learning, growing, contributing, and conquering the fear that keeps her from insatiably experiencing all of the good that life has to offer us as humans.

As if from the Ringworld Series by Niven, when I feel that I or my family is in danger, my body thickens and goes into warrior-class mode.

If I became leaner, I worry I’d become more “wicked” in fighting and life strategies.

What then would my identity be?

Unproven by societal rote standards, but just as – if not more so – relevant.

When I assert something, I still consider other views.

We are all learning and evolving, and may need to adjust how we are comprehending.

That said, I can be incredibly stubborn: you try being a vessel to contain life’s waters within!

Aquarius is the “water bearer,” and I take emotional responsibility seriously.

Luckily, I’m on the cusp of Pisces – so I also love to “swim!”

I sometimes strongly feel like I am either a throwback to an old – or herald to a “New Age.”

Being caught is the raw slew of things going awry makes it difficult to present one’s self well.

I wish that when we had spoken, there had been time to ask for and share clarifications.

Taking time to know each other by asking questions and exploring seems necessary.

Systemic terror that one cannot escape and will be trapped in purgatory, forever.

They call it nervous exhaustion, as if those who contract it have something lacking in their composition.

But, no.

It occurs when one has endured too much – and the system just finally needs a break from struggle.

Aching and groaning with every movement as extend to function attempts to give complex.

Once attention is called to them, they tend to dissipate.

My youngest and I were talking about why I might be feeling things more intensely, and processing on deeper levels to where it feels distracting.

“You have more autonomy; this is the first living situation you’ve had as of late without extended family’s pressure.”

One fire extinguisher for kitchen grease; two regular extinguishers for other rooms; and two fire detectors and 2 carbon monoxide detectors (which I just learned need to be placed close to ground or waist level).

Perhaps this is even more elusive than money.

I just saw a post on Instagram with a family of a mother and daughters who have “Rapunzel” hair.

It was well put together and wanted to take me on a journey of visuals and their family’s story before revealing an answer to me as to what caused their gorgeous hair to grow as such.

I don’t like that kind of manipulation where I am supposed to allow myself to get lured into their tale – ever waiting for the punchline.

I feel conscripted, at least partially lied to, and held in suspension for however long they want to keep me there – against my will – as I’m waiting for the source of success to be revealed.

Look. Just give me the answer – straight up – and let me decide if I want more information.

I would enjoy the journey much more immensely and not feel resentful for the teller taking my time.

If I want the drawn-out experience, I will read – or even write a book.

For example, put something with a headline like, “Man resurrects after dying: cat immortality DNA fragment known as C-9L (Cat Nine Lives) is now found transferable to humans.”

Uh, yeah – gonna read about this one, no matter how cheesy the science is!

The point is, the answer I want is right there, freely offered. Now I’m intrigued and want to hear the entire story!

It turns out that the man inhaling his cat’s hair left on his pillow (the cat had previously slept there) while sleeping was the vector.

(FYI: I made up this story, so don’t go looking for an article 🤣)

Chrissie Hynde, Meg Ryan, and Michelle Pfeiffer – to name a few.

These have been some of my favorite women performers – and later in life, they each had work done on their faces (as far as I know).

This was done to make them feel better about themselves, and/or to keep them continually “marketable.”

I am not discounting their validity, I am just lamenting the loss of each one’s originally unique beauty.

It was part of why I really liked them.

Perched again above the shoppers, this time I am able to look down and observe them passing by as singles, two’s, or small groups.

I am happy for the couples, yet find I cringe as remember incompatible dynamics and the hard work I put in for bridging.

The hope that I had and diligence; the telling myself good messages when lacking reciprocation; and the effort it took to keep my vexation from pushing my emotions into a tailspin were draining.

I find that I’m relieved to be out of no-win situations.

It’s time to celebrate and be silly, as “dawn” brings forth a new day.

I found work with a new office and a doctor who has great, effective technique!

Here I give background info, while Instagram’s “mysterious.”

Finding that a gym membership is out of the question and resorting to home exercise, I’ve still had difficulty getting my abs to engage.

But, I just found a thrift store so low priced ab machine that is exactly what I need!

It allows the spine to decompress by letting the lower body hang to one’s comfort preference and to swing up and back and angled sideways naturally.

Arms anchored and stabilized, this will also increase strength in once-compromised shoulder structure.

It seems meant for me!

Just one store, which used to be of only sports supplement focus, now carries health supplements.

I walked in to check it out and compare to previous version elsewhere experiences.

Immediately I found that the owner carried astragalus tea, emu oil capsules, inulin powder, Zand’s zinc with elderberry losenges, Lifetime Cal-Mag, and arnica gel.

Usually, I have to travel all over the place to find each individual item – or even shop online.

For such a small venue, it seemed designed for me!

I am used to helping others in need, but it’s hard to help myself when I’m the one affected.

I must not worry too seriously: healing is not always pretty – nor easy.

They say there is beauty in the damage, that fierce resilience has a destiny.

But, they don’t talk about the disappointment in one’s self – no matter how valiant or proven – when you can’t stop how surviving against odds just wears on you..

I would think it should be different: there ought to be immediate rewards and release from sense of internal imprisonment.

Not this lockdown still enacted, once I’ve reached new ground.

I should feel proud – not hollowed.

Being in love is fun and much safer at distance than living with someone and having mutual happiness resisted.

I have an interview this weekend!

The man I’d worked for who was younger than me and beginning to fret about his age and graying hair became angry when he asked and found I did not dye my color.

He hid it, but I could see it added to his list of resentments, as if he had something to prove against me. Perhaps it added to the fact I had avoided his desire for an affair…

I can’t believe in it.

It is ever shifting like the wind – as ready to embrace me as to leave me in doldrums, without a boat to paddle.

He’d have to be more solid than me and willing to help flood me with his inspired vitality.

I’m whisped like a ghost without a body, barely tethered to my own while defensively maneuvering.