Category: Stream of Thought

It is better to be love-starved and alone, than to be in a relationship and still love-starved.

She always started slow and then could outpace the rest once she felt the rhythms of the event and how the others set their paces.

But she turned suddenly from the track, resolute that this race was not one that she was going to finish.

I must be careful about what I form attachments to as I am striving to reach new heights.

That’s it – right there:

I “do not appear to exist.”

Meaning, I am either “just passing through this universe.”

It could also mean that I am “not easily perceived” for my truth of existence.

Or how about most importantly: I am not on this planet to merely exist and do nothing!

My aspirations make a much better story.

The tale of an impish spirit that phased through walls of conformity to prove that love and will’s good intentions are capable of overcoming all obstacles.

It doesn’t need to matter if there is no one to receive or appreciate me.

We must all rise to our own challenges and be our greatest cheerleader.

Just because something mattered at another time does not mean that it still matters today.

Unless someone has a vested interest.

After a lifetime of hiding, it is a delicate process to gain confidence in revealing one’s self – even to one’s self.

Everyone has their own opinions on how their lives should unfold.

I guess mine involves circumnavigating the “fabrics of ‘foundation.'”

A question and an answer:

“A sentence in the Enigma song Rivers of Belief goes as follows:

‘And when the Lamb opened the seventh seal,
Silence covered the sky.’

There is a Biblical reference here. But I would like to know, what is the meaning of the line and what does the line imply?”

***

“The lines are an allusion to the Book of Revelations, more specifically the end of chapter 7 and the beginning of chapter 8:

[Chapter 7: 17] For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
[Chapter 8: 1] And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.
[2] And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.
[3] And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.

(See BibleHub.com for alternative translations of Revelations 8:1.)

The song title “Rivers of Belief” refers to the role that rivers, sometimes sacred rivers, play in some religions. For example, Jesus was baptised in the river Jordan. For Hindus, the Ganges and the Yamuna are sacred rivers in India. While the song almost literally quotes the Bible, the line “I will return” can also be read as an allusion to reincarnation, which is a belief in Hinduism (among other religions).

The meaning of the seventh seal and the silence that follows its opening is a matter of Biblical hermeneutics. The Wikipedia article about the seven seals, for example, summarises five views: the preterist view, the historicist view, the futurist view, the idealist view and the Mormon view. The answers to the question In Revelation 8:1 does opening the seventh seal do anything? on Biblical Hermeneutics Stack Exchange present an additional set of interpretations. It seems that the meaning of that line remains open to debate.”

https://literature.stackexchange.com/questions/15794/meaning-of-lines-about-the-lamb-in-the-enigma-song-rivers-of-belief

Belief was one thing that I had.

Did the Angels thus value me for it?

It must have served me well, though desired outcomes failed.

I still feel that all we wanted could have succeeded, had he and I collaborated.

But it couldn’t be helped when his intentions worked to counteract.

He just…didn’t want it.

There was longing in his voice as he sighed out her name – and a question – as she turned away down the pathway to her car where she could see its outline dimly lit in the late evening shadows.

Or had it been a request, thinly disquised?

Yet, cloaked it had been, which she could not then be certain of his feelings for her, so she dared not reengage to embrace him and become entangled.

Maybe “good enough” is actually enough.

I need to sell my old car to reduce bills, but I feel stuck in proceeding.

It was there for me through my attempts at recovering my life’s stream.

The year things began to disolve in my marriage, crows and hawks nested on our property and had their babies – a sure sign of blessing and welcome from nature’s community for our family.

But when one partner of a pair welcomes signs of hope, joy, and confirmation of prosperity while the other for whatever reason turns away from such positivity, their bond becomes destined for separation.

I think about certain opportunities and realize that time may be limited – therefore, I must make the best of them while I have gained access.

Much about this word tends to be attached to past associations, where a new opportunity meets some sort of reinforced bias.

It is hard for me to say that mine are enough.

At last, my neck will also be investigated.

I’d like to think that I am making progress…

They say that healing occurs over time, but mine seems slow to come. I get the feeling that it is working on many levels – hidden from my own inner eye.

Is it really necessary to quantify and qualify everyone according to some unrealistic standards?

Or is this just another method of attempting to control for unsustainable monocultures?

(Title play with words)

What can I offer in a relationship, anyway?

I mean, really?

People these days want to be “wowed” – as if we all have attention deficit.

And I must admit that after having been put through the grinder, I also want to enjoy life’s “kicks.”

Upon the first day after taking the first dose, my lungs are heavy and throat passageway feels constricted – which leads me to surmise that the mildew spores from the as-yet un-ozonated replacement car from the mountainside have been affecting.

Have Fun and Be Weird!

It could have been even yesterday morning or just the day before that I had noticed to myself my drawing books on the table were still unattended.

But I had thought to myself, “Well, I already have created a full schedule…”

And then right as my beginning acting class was ending, I happened upon the drawing event.

There were a model, refreshments, ambient lighting, music, chairs, paper on clip boards, and colored pencils.

Ready-made and easy to just slide right in to join.

So I did!

The super cool thing for me is that I have only taken one beginning drawing class – like back in 1998!

Yet, it is clear to me after trying my hand last night at a few subjects that I still have the spark of ability!

Since then, I have rarely tried to draw anything.

Did I file the appeal, the report, or check for winning numbers?

No.

Because I am focusing on being here, now.

(Title play with words.)

Sometimes, I’m just not going to do something I don’t want to do.

Was all that I had courage, hope, or energy for.

The inherent component.

I had to distance from a budding friendship today due to the fact that our age difference is twenty-four years (he’s the younger); I don’t feel on solid ground due to effects from my accident and very limited income; and that I need to focus upon finishing this music production training program while at last completing my Bachelor’s.

The combination of factors here includes an overload of prehistory in relationship losses and is akin to my needing to break a longstanding curse placed upon me.

I need to focus full attention on my goals to succeed, and thus must keep to my own path for a while.

It isn’t that I am incapable of working through relationship dynamics at the same time as working on other aspects of my life.

On the contrary, I can be a multi-managing wizard.

But, there is just too much combined in this given situation where a huge amount of the responsibility would weigh upon me – including if I were to proceed with the relationship, there would be further pressures from society.

And honestly, I just need things to be a little more stacked in my favor.

I am still grousing…

It’s one thing to have distance and observe something occurring –

Quite another to have the heart strings pulled and one’s face shoved in it!

12:13pm: “This number suggests that you and your partner are on the right path towards building a meaningful and fulfilling relationship, and that you are supported by the divine realm every step of the way.”

https://whateveryourdose.com/angel-number-1213/

verb

1. Totally bewildered or perplexed.

“an unexplained occurrence that baffled everyone”

2. Restrained or regulated (a fluid, sound, etc.).

“to baffle the noise further, I pad the gunwales”

Oxford Dictionary

What is it that younger men like about me?

Is it my upbeat, inclusive maturity?

Well, sh**!

My youth was spent caring for others’ disabilities and ailments, and now in my midlife prime, I am hobbling around like I’m eighty!

I better be spry in my nineties!

Strategizing to meet deadlines while hoping the funding will arrive to meet and get me there.

It is nice to be able to portion time for myself.

Paused in the parking lot after having eaten some lunch, she just sat quietly in the car’s capturing warming rays of the sun while she watched fluffy clouds pass by.

Before the accident, there was no time or space for me.

Every moment was garnered to giving away limited energy to others in order to ensure my family’s survival.

I felt like I was dying.

My life’s spark was diminishing, and my soul felt like it was withering.

I have this possibly only brief time now where I am unable to work in order to change everything.

No pressure.

If nothing can be said to be “original,” what I am in process of doing is deep creative meditation to access what I have already taken in, analyze what’s important to me, and present my versions.

When I happen across another’s art that I like, I try to compliment them to add encouragement.

But, for the most part, I do not reach outside of my own methods for inspiration so that I can feel genuinely authentic.

(Title play with words)

When I run short of funding, I look to see if there’s an item that I’ve been needing to return.

I just heard “Granite” on the radio.

Welcome to the Main Stream!

You all have worked hard for it!

“Be Worshipped.”

I was supposed to have wriiten down questions regarding who and what I was to become.

But once the accident happened, I began figuring it out and launched into a beelined trajectory.

The exciting morning finding of a wild black one peeking into ours from exploring the neighbor’s.