Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense

“Yes, I have been very afraid while enduring a careful and way too slow recovery process.

My head was almost torn off, for f***’s sake – as well other injury extremes!”

“The effects of the car accident were so extreme that I have had to be very careful on how I proceed toward recovering and healing.

I am now pushing, albeit prematurely, at dislodging terror from defying.”

(Playing with the word “terrifying”)

Between my troubleshooting and my new physical therapist’s sports rehabilitation background, the first excercise she propesed in triangulating is revealing itself to be a major key for misalignment renegotiating!

It was commented to me upon describimg my healing therapies to another practitioner that it must be wonderful that I can perform these techniques upon myself to further my own healing.

But this isn’t the case because the type of damage I experienced blasted apart nerve and fascial fibers throughout my body, and even my muscles feel on constant edge of further separation-tearing.

No one has ever described these kinds of injuries before that I know of.

It’s as if parts of me just bamphed into another reality upon impact, leaving ghost remnants in zone patches in the present, and the rest of me is trying to pull itself back together while those blast zones keep glitching and phasing.

As the patient.

For blasted.nerve ends to regrow and torn fascia structures to amend.

“I already tended to elders, watching them whither in their later years.

I already witnessed vitality of adult youth taken much too soon and experienced caretaking a half life barely being lived.

Now as death surrounds me of beloved companion familars, I experience myself further caught in-between realms.

Nerve-endings painfully screaming, high energy sizzle-crackling at frayed synaptic tips.

Torn joints and muscle fibets struggling to reconnect while disconnecting defensively in response to every attempted movement’s overstim.

Spinal cord compressions tensing from contorting, weakened fascial tissues and shorting out my system struggling to keep producing any beneficial productivity.

I am just describing the microcosm of the seemingly unrelenting, next-level personal hell I keep fighting against to push it back behind daily consciousness to just breath and exist in any given moment.

I am living what is a preamble to a type of aging functional decay, while masking and doing my best to simulate walking and normal interactions.

I swear – there better be a HUGE payoff down the line for this painful continuum’s suffering.

I keep living my life fragmented, out of step with the normal patterns of time’s unfolding.”

“It might be that more of my system is coming online after the long period of shock’s suspension from the accident.

I can’t expect that it has been happy…”

“A plan is to get the surrounding, 3-dimensions of support muscular fibers reactivated and working properly again, thereby decreasing the extreme load currently overstressing the joint capsules.”

It was time for her to start reclaiming her abdominal tenacity that had been strained and contorted from the accident’s impact.

I don’t like traumatic brain injury.
It makes office work more complicated than it should be.
Add to this if the internet needs reconfiguring.
Or if the file components to be accessed are distributed between two systems.
There are things needing to be upgraded and new projects to get out the door.
But now, everything requires more effort than before.

I used to believe, but now it’s just about  being relentless against resistance, even if it enforces stopping points.

Fighting to overcome injuries is proving to be a new challenge – but I still plan to win, hedging against inevitabilities.

“It greatly irks me that I ‘should’ be grateful that I can at least now fumble to complete tasks, when others have lost even more capabilities.”

The relative direness of recent findings feels daunting.

Why the darn it (!)
Am I wide awake?

Oh…

Perhaps all drowsy
Has fled the body

As compressing
The impact zone

Hoping to release
Torsion tension

I feel and feel deeply.

And as the injuries take new dimensions of increased swelling and pressure, I feel afraid.

“I will get better…

Somehow, I am going to recover…”

(Crash and burning noises in the background)

As some systems begin coming back on line, more pain and instability is encounteted.

August 15, 2023: a year since the accident.

In a couple of days marks the year anniversary of the acident.

I’m not supposed to be worse – but better!

Everything is too much to handle right now.

My situation has so many interwoven and expansive complexities.

“Why is this happening to me?! I’ve been Good. I’ve worked hard. I’ve advocated for others and contributed…oh yeah…none of that “matters” to the forces that be…”

But more effort.

It makes me angry to have people not help and then project their issues onto me.

I have my own to contend with!

A doctor should not shrink and take on a victim role when a patient is hurting and needing answers – especially if the patient has not done anything to elicit this.

Inward pressure, outward bound.

I self isolate by choice because it gives space where imposed upon, yet I am around other people frequently.

I will no longer allow any kind of steroid shot. This last one exacerbated brain injury.