Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Taking Damage
“Something just tore painfully in my knee, and tomorrow I take the wolf to a 2nd opinion vet.”
Innervating
There is this crazy red mottling
Covering my entire quadraceps
I hope this is good news
Meaning next recovering
Self-Correcting
How do I get my spinal chord to
Stop its inflammation-swelling?
It’s as if by its doing so it
Hopes to undo impinging
(Title of multiple applications)
Pure Honesty
I absolutely love my work, but
I’m dealing with spinal injuries
Muscle Tov
Migraine torsions as reward for work well done.
(Play on ” Mazel tov” congratulations!)
Pain = Gain
“A fu**ed equation.”
Response
“Although I weigh more now, I think some of the puffyness is subsiding – almost 2 years later.”
To Not Move (Song)
Snug in the perfect position
Almost all gone by omission
There used to be a time when
Many could be choosen from
Now nearly every one presents
Pain from an unrelenting thumb
After lovemaking the body resets
But haven’t found that partner yet
Drugs and alcohol are out of the question
Don’t need addiction adding complexion
Tossing and turning
Whining and burning
Screamimg and yelling
Are just mental blurring
Ain’t got no cure
For what’s ailing
System hijacked
By hot inflaming
Internal Dichotomy
When others do not respect requested boundaries to the self’s detriment.
(Yes, something has happened)
Tacking
Leaving the clinic
Due to worsening
Injury symptoms to
Design a better plan
Dancin’ Fool
“All of this core restabilizing alignment work has me here and there momentarily able to put out some sharp moves.
Of course, then I tweak something coming across limitations – but at least, then I have a funnn reason for being in severe, throbbing pain!”
(“Let me see you do it!” – Lil Jon)
Dog Paddling
“In the struggle to just keep showing up and maintain consistency, prospective advances are left by the wayside.”
(Indigo – Sam Barber ft. Avery Anna)
Clipped Wings
I can only do
Short flights &
Gentle landings
(Waiting On The World – Bob Moses)
Whiplash
“My struts are screaming
I don’t know what I did or
If it’s from increased load
But I must say this means
That I am getting better
Otherwise – I’m fu**ed.”
Imaging
“Re-scans for neck and spine since that backwards fall over and into the open suitcase – and now the other hip – are now ready to be performed.
At this point, though, do I really want to know?
This experience since the accident has carried too deep themes of humiliation and intimidation.
Having to advocate for myself while injured, yet doing all that I can to mask as ‘normal,’ creates an internal dichotomy.
Am I injured, or am I well?
Every moment is a type of phasing between realms, stuck in between and pulled waywardly-twisting over crucial pivot points – painfully, if not vigilantly careful.”
Lag Time
“It has been highly vexing how stuck I have felt – prevented from moving forward on projects.
Yet suddenly, projects are at last completing, and I am beginning to feel a bit set free from the mire!”
(Schism – TOOL)
Repost – when it’s good, it’s good.
Momentum
“Becomes key is generating propulsion progress with any masking for perceived smoothness.
‘Gee – she’s got a peppy step!'”
Grace & Coordination
“It’s like every move is a dance coordinating and transferring energy of movement along fine line barely functional tracks passing between muscles willing and able to briefly take the load – but these groups are always shifting.
Who needs external distractions, when there’s a whole internal world to manage and govern?”
I’M FIIIINNEE!!!
“So far, torn disc and torn joints with neurological cascade causing muscles to turn on and off and a foot intermittently collapsing.
I think they call this ‘Progress'”
A New Numb
“There is a new spot of numbness…mri’s again, soon.”
(Parody on “a new norm”)
Morph
“No matter how I grapple with it, it is disconcerting to see my body differently shaped now since the accident.
This is not age progression.
I guess bracing through limbs to take on tons of accelerated force can cause one to bulk up around joints and throughout fascia in response!”
Shame
“It makes no sense that I should feel ‘less than’ because I am struggling to regain traction after injuries.”
Giving
“It sucks when the reward is pain.”
Loosey-Goosey
“Increasing client load is degrading structure while attempting to embody capability.”
Getting Back Into Alignment
“Attempting to heal these injuries has been difficult due to loosened, twisted, and adhesed connections.
My best hope for recovery seems to be time, unraveling locked down torque ateas, and remobilizing.”
Like A Stick Shift
“I keep trying to get my hip to unstick.”
Pain’s Haze
“What would it be like to feel good?”
Distress
“With increased work, my joints are further destabilizing.”
Abacadabra!
“There used to be two incomes for the house before the accident, so now with injuries still recovering I must pull even more rabbits out of the hat.
I guess that’s why they call it ‘magic.'”
Cupping
“I am beginning to target zones to see if I can reactivate and smooth what looks like adipose tissue – but is really zones of trauma to fascia from the accident.”
(Tether Me – Galleaux)
For A Moment
“I was able to briefly bolster in such a way to lay on my left side despite shoulder and neck injuries.
My heart could at last rest, instead of being perched high, suspended.
My stomach could cozy against intestines, instead of dangling inside, distended.
And my fingers twitched in REM when awakening from a few minutes’ slumber.
Lack of this positioning might be contributing to insomnia.”
Just Make It
STOP!
Inflammation
“It has been extreme since the accident.
Today I am trying a new medication for it, simply because I need to gain an edge on this whole thing.
It is supposed to be like Advil and Naproxin, but I already feel it affecting my brain.
If I clearly can’t take pharmaceuticals and marijuana, what hope is there in using CBD?
WTF – do I need herbs and fairy dust to aid me?!”
Unavoidable Impacts
“While it was happening, I would grapple the consequences absorbing into my being from the negative messages and influences.
Everything was about regaining any sense of self afterwards as the blows kept coming to topple any sense of internal balance.
I was determined to not become like any of them – committed to not passing on the infection to further generations.
But the car accident blew apart the partitions behind which the damage from hits were quardened off in me.
And it turns out, there may also be a direct link to a recently-remembered extreme past life trauma that got carried into this life, whereas usually we can at least have separation by time’s generational barriers.”
(Damocles – Sleep Token)
Reposted from April 29, 2025
Moments Of Reckoning
“My fingers are finding ways to grip again in order to twist off a sealed bottle cap.”
Forging New Pathways
“If this fragmented existence is all that I can access, then I better figure out how to design new benefits.”
Hmm
“I’ve been using a machine before my workouts that helped to relax my spine, thereby giving me a sense of being able to work from the core outward.
But I am noticing today that having not done that machine first, my walking gait is better at the end if this day.”
Core Issues
“I’ve been cautious about working on my abdomen, having its distension and internal bulgings and dispacements from the impact.
It’s been frightening to be in a state of blasted torsion after taking on forces greater than the human body is designed for.”
So Fu**ed Up
“Every day, I awaken to another version of overwhelm, and ask myself why.
Because at this point in my life, I should be capitalizing on all prior years’ struggles into now’s triumphant progress.
But spinal injury doesn’t give a fu**.”
Chirp!
The Issue Of Trying To Advance
“As I attempt to strengthen weak zones around my shoulder and hip joints, this is increasing imbalanced pully tension on my destabilized neck and spine misalignments, causing a new type of numbness in a coursing line in segments of my face, hand, and foot muscles.
There’s A Tingling Numbness
“The medical specialist told me that if I had any new symptoms that I should get back to him.
What – like the new dividing, tingling numbness between philanges in my foot that indicate that the lower spine injury you’ve been asserting is not as severe is actually as bad as I’ve been saying?!”
Benefits Of Isolationism
“Nobody startles or jumps when I suddenly cry out in pain from an injured mistep.”
Experimentation
“I am beginning to try adding a few more select machines to my workout routines with the focus of reactivating muscle attachment strength to regain secured joint pliability.
But the response is serious if I ‘get it wrong.’
For example, when in the past I tried quads and hams, the quad portion activated muscles pulling too hard on anterior hip joint tearing = no more quad machine.
Recently, I tried modifying the leg press, including calves, by focusing on smooth alignment stability transference through slow movement up and down.
But this resulted in too much pressure across my knees the next day, which I attempted to counter by adding hams to stabilize the pressure load all around the knees more evenly.
Now I know that if I use the leg press, I need to decrease how low I go and be sure to finish with hams to balance.
Similarly, I tried the free-floating arms pec machine to get at posterior upper rotator cuff weakness from that ttorn muscle deactivation, thinking a little pec activation following would balance.
But while targeting the pec zones to support was a good plan, the followup balancing activation needed for me is actually the bar pressing machine having shoulders pushing upward.”
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