Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense

“I was able to briefly bolster in such a way to lay on my left side despite shoulder and neck injuries.

My heart could at last rest, instead of being perched high, suspended.

My stomach could cozy against intestines, instead of dangling inside, distended.

And my fingers twitched in REM when awakening from a few minutes’ slumber.

Lack of this positioning might be contributing to insomnia.”

STOP!

“It has been extreme since the accident.

Today I am trying a new medication for it, simply because I need to gain an edge on this whole thing.

It is supposed to be like Advil and Naproxin, but I already feel it affecting my brain.

If I clearly can’t take pharmaceuticals and marijuana, what hope is there in using CBD?

WTF – do I need herbs and fairy dust to aid me?!”

“My fingers are finding ways to grip again in order to twist off a sealed bottle cap.”

“If this fragmented existence is all that I can access, then I better figure out how to design new benefits.”

“I’ve been using a machine before my workouts that helped to relax my spine, thereby giving me a sense of being able to work from the core outward.

But I am noticing today that having not done that machine first, my walking gait is better at the end if this day.”

“I’ve been cautious about working on my abdomen, having its distension and internal bulgings and dispacements from the impact.

It’s been frightening to be in a state of blasted torsion after taking on forces greater than the human body is designed for.”

“Every day, I awaken to another version of overwhelm, and ask myself why.

Because at this point in my life, I should be capitalizing on all prior years’ struggles into now’s triumphant progress.

But spinal injury doesn’t give a fu**.”

“As I attempt to strengthen weak zones around my shoulder and hip joints, this is increasing imbalanced pully tension on my  destabilized neck and spine misalignments, causing a new type of numbness in a coursing line in segments of my face, hand, and foot muscles.

“The medical specialist told me that if I had any new symptoms that I should get back to him.

What – like the new dividing, tingling numbness between philanges in my foot that indicate that the lower spine injury you’ve been asserting is not as severe is actually as bad as I’ve been saying?!”

“I am beginning to try adding a few more select machines to my workout routines with the focus of reactivating muscle attachment strength to regain secured joint pliability.

But the response is serious if I ‘get it wrong.’

For example, when in the past I tried quads and hams, the quad portion activated muscles pulling too hard on anterior hip joint tearing = no more quad machine.

Recently, I tried modifying the leg press, including calves, by focusing on smooth alignment stability transference through slow movement up and down.

But this resulted in too much pressure across my knees the next day, which I attempted to counter by adding hams to stabilize the pressure load all around the knees more evenly.

Now I know that if I use the leg press, I need to decrease how low I go and be sure to finish with hams to balance.

Similarly, I tried the free-floating arms pec machine to get at posterior upper rotator cuff weakness from that ttorn muscle deactivation, thinking a little pec activation following would balance.

But while targeting the pec zones to support was a good plan, the followup balancing activation needed for me is actually the bar pressing machine having shoulders pushing upward.”

“I can’t help but find it wryly laughable that I must meet the mark by end of May, when my body is still experiencing reinjury destabilization in striving to.

I’m only able to inconsistently meet a minimal portion of trying to reclaim once greater target cabilities.”

“The difficulty is that where things are stuck, they keep holding for a reason…and I am not sure yet what is safe to remobilize.”

“A thigh’s fear tries to tell me with courage that while it is the inner anterior joint surface that gave way, something along the lateral IT band took the hard hit, as well, which may still be affecting the torsion.”

Hard-shock, sudden bracing against impact caused shoulders, hips, knees, feet, spinal, and neck joint articulation zones to flange outward incorrectly and freeze like ripped scar tissue.

“Trying to untwist my thigh injury while on the boarder of falling asleep yielded a little bit at last due to PT exercising”

“Attempting erratic energy pulses trying to blast back open once-functional pathways.”

More physical therapy exercises that are applying!!!

“Yes, I have been very afraid while enduring a careful and way too slow recovery process.

My head was almost torn off, for f***’s sake – as well other injury extremes!”

“The effects of the car accident were so extreme that I have had to be very careful on how I proceed toward recovering and healing.

I am now pushing, albeit prematurely, at dislodging terror from defying.”

(Playing with the word “terrifying”)

Between my troubleshooting and my new physical therapist’s sports rehabilitation background, the first excercise she propesed in triangulating is revealing itself to be a major key for misalignment renegotiating!

It was commented to me upon describimg my healing therapies to another practitioner that it must be wonderful that I can perform these techniques upon myself to further my own healing.

But this isn’t the case because the type of damage I experienced blasted apart nerve and fascial fibers throughout my body, and even my muscles feel on constant edge of further separation-tearing.

No one has ever described these kinds of injuries before that I know of.

It’s as if parts of me just bamphed into another reality upon impact, leaving ghost remnants in zone patches in the present, and the rest of me is trying to pull itself back together while those blast zones keep glitching and phasing.

As the patient.

For blasted.nerve ends to regrow and torn fascia structures to amend.

“I already tended to elders, watching them whither in their later years.

I already witnessed vitality of adult youth taken much too soon and experienced caretaking a half life barely being lived.

Now as death surrounds me of beloved companion familars, I experience myself further caught in-between realms.

Nerve-endings painfully screaming, high energy sizzle-crackling at frayed synaptic tips.

Torn joints and muscle fibets struggling to reconnect while disconnecting defensively in response to every attempted movement’s overstim.

Spinal cord compressions tensing from contorting, weakened fascial tissues and shorting out my system struggling to keep producing any beneficial productivity.

I am just describing the microcosm of the seemingly unrelenting, next-level personal hell I keep fighting against to push it back behind daily consciousness to just breath and exist in any given moment.

I am living what is a preamble to a type of aging functional decay, while masking and doing my best to simulate walking and normal interactions.

I swear – there better be a HUGE payoff down the line for this painful continuum’s suffering.

I keep living my life fragmented, out of step with the normal patterns of time’s unfolding.”

“It might be that more of my system is coming online after the long period of shock’s suspension from the accident.

I can’t expect that it has been happy…”

“A plan is to get the surrounding, 3-dimensions of support muscular fibers reactivated and working properly again, thereby decreasing the extreme load currently overstressing the joint capsules.”

It was time for her to start reclaiming her abdominal tenacity that had been strained and contorted from the accident’s impact.

I don’t like traumatic brain injury.
It makes office work more complicated than it should be.
Add to this if the internet needs reconfiguring.
Or if the file components to be accessed are distributed between two systems.
There are things needing to be upgraded and new projects to get out the door.
But now, everything requires more effort than before.

I used to believe, but now it’s just about  being relentless against resistance, even if it enforces stopping points.

Fighting to overcome injuries is proving to be a new challenge – but I still plan to win, hedging against inevitabilities.

“It greatly irks me that I ‘should’ be grateful that I can at least now fumble to complete tasks, when others have lost even more capabilities.”

The relative direness of recent findings feels daunting.