It appears that any type of manual labor is no longer going to be something that I can easily nor frequently do.
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Adjustment
At this point, I am just focusing on trainimg for a new career because I do not see how or when I can return to performing healing therapies.
Sequential Order
The doctor is waiting to investigate my neuropathy until the back injury is analyzed.
His reasoning is that the neck will remain malpositioned until the spine is stacked correctly.
(Title play with words)
The Meltdown
It was not easy hearing that I might have a blown disk requiring surgery. MRI’s ordered will soon reveal the tale.
Trusting The Process Of Alchemy
I had asked for “an intervention.”
You know, like praying.
Yet on the day of the accident, I felt extreme anxiety.
Smoke from fires in nearby regions was hazing the local atmosphere thick down to the ground, making it hard to breathe, think, or see clearly.
My parents had just bought me an airplane ticket to visit them and I was worried about the timing of leaving my family.
When we had lived on the mountain, isolation made fears like the potential of fire suddenly spreading a grim and desperate reality.
I was wrestling with the odds and felt picked upon by the smoke energy’s chaotic influences.
It felt like forces that were once trapped in time’s matrix had been suddenly released by the fire’s combustion of matter.
I could feel the energies running rampant, like some great beast swirling, greedy and hungry to influence and devour everything.
I had to leave the house to escape the psychic bombardment grappling at my psychology.
And thus, I inadvertently found where the energy was free-flowing, thinking that by going straight to my physical therapy appointment, I would be securing a “free pass” by clear intentioning.
But the beast caught me at a stoplight, where I was forced to stay still while the opposite flow of traffic began resuming.
At least I saw the car coming from behind about to hit me – and could jam on the brakes so that the impact would not hurt anyone in front of me.
But this camel got suddenly “pushed through the eye of a needle.”
Yeah, that’s me.
I always try to be an “acception to the rule.”
Now, I am back in the realm of the “In-Betweens.”
I have to laugh because revisiting here is becoming another thematic.
Maybe I should just stay here.
Stop struggling and aspiring.
The scenery is lovely and the people seem to be genuinely caring and receptive to my being friendly.
Meanwhile, I am gathering resources to rebuild my ship’s integrity.
But my body’s strength got left back there on the street’s pavement.
Maybe if I keep driving over the spot, my scattered pieces will return to me.
I can’t go backwards in time, and I can’t make any external commitments while I’m healing.
And I do not know what the future holds for me.
What Phoenix Fire of rejuvenation can redeem?
I am working on generating magnetism.
Project Completion
Striving to achieve any success so that I can see and feel patterns rebuilding is the goal here.
But I must find out why this is happening, the implications, and what I need for recovering.
Retraining
It is alarming to feel nerve resistance and pain when attempting to play a few piano keys.
My fingers yelling suddenly – “Hey, don’t do that!” – brings doubt as to the direction I should be pursuing for recovery.
Beyond Set Back
Before the car accident, I had begun feeling at last that someday I might be able to run again.
I had relished the idea of being able to ride my bicycle.
I had flourished in the warm heat of summer’s baking into my bones again.
Now, my joint connections quiver.
My steps are unsteady and hips insecure.
The nerves in my hands flare and muscles begin overtightening if I use them beyond minimal.
I am minus back-to-the-beginning.
In fact, I am so far back as to be set into a state of coordination’s confusion.
Movement pings my consciousness into sensations not reassuring – and if I am not careful, I can tip too easily into panic’s desperation from fear of stumbling and falling.
I drop things more often, as my outer finger grippers are nerve-pathway overstimming.
And this is being allowed to still “reach for” rejoining disrupted synaptic connections, whereas other people have been barred.
Possibly forever.
That’s where the panic comes in – and the desperation when I’m thinking I must push harder.
It is frightening to feel my body and mind short-circuiting.
I can feel the maw’s edge closer than most of us would normally ever perceive – again – and it is terrifying.
It is more convincing now that I should just submit to it and give up.
It is Demanding.
Maybe I need more rest.
Give me back that buffer – that place that for a moment, I believe that I am still capable of achieving nearly anything.
Without A Shell
Getting center-punch-rocked from behind through the spine while experiencing one’s neck go “whippy-snappy” strips one’s nerves of any artifice – exposing them to more raw stimulus than should be taken in, and leaves one feeling paper-thin.
Candid Corvid Productions 