Sinew tightened as jerky cord,
It’s a wonder if any movement.
(Title ref to a Fleetwood Mac song)
Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Impact Zones
Will holds its own while forces attempt to dethrone inherent right to claim one’s home within mind-body connections
Overstim
Creates an inflexible intolerance of outside influences attempting to manipulate my decisions.
The Night Shift
Groping around for any sense of familarity, she felt confused and bereft because she couldn’t feel how she used to be anymore
Come On
Much of my life seems a continuum of pain, pressure, and pushing forward against odds.
Still On Hold
So far, any attempts to address the injuries to my neck only bring more destabilization with increased pain and nerve flare.
Out Of Body Experience
I try to be present in my body and reclaim internal territory that I have lost.
But it is hard to gain a center amongst so much nerve pain and structural injury.
(Joy – For King + Country)
Dear Alex,
I keep maneuvering to stay within the eye of the storm, but it is difficult to not fear the destructive power raging all around me.
Justice
Sometimes, no matter how much it is greatly needed or wanted, it is better to just even the playing field and restart toward better horizons.
Dear Alex,
I am confused regarding how to manage my situation.
I can’t discern clearly which priorities to focus upon.
They say “look within for the answers,” but I am too bogged down internally.
Or “give it over to a higher power,” but there is not one that I trust implicitly.
I have an external support team, but each person helps with only a fragment of my “dilemma.”
Ultimately, I am the center; the designer; the full weight-bearer.
I am also being argued with where it is not helpful, which is agitating.
Meanwhile, the disruption of the accident has caught up with me regarding finances.
I have been addressing this by staggering bills, but it feels like my grip is slipping – which has been causing me to panic.
While the insurance companies pressure me in attempts to prematurely discontinue responsibility, I also feel my own instincts trying to ramp me back up into going out to make my own money.
This is how I have primarily functioned until the accident: adrenaline bursts into intensive activity, spurring innovation for my family’s continued survival.
But I can’t currently perform in this way in order to overcome the challenges that I am facing.
My mind and body are unable to comply performance-wise – though spirit is struggling to keep willing.
These “multi-verse” pressures are jumbling up my instinctive impulses and skewing abilities to focus on what I can attend to right now.
Time is running out for my somehow being ready for launching into a new career by end of summer, if not forced to do so sooner.
I had hoped to use this recovery time to also finish my script and Bachelor’s degree while proceeding with the career retraining I am already halfway through.
But external resistances have been countering my worthy attempts.
And survivalism again conscripts.
Poverty
Makes it difficult to buy food, pay for (or even find and secure) housing – and definitely forces creativity onto the back burner in the struggle for survival.
Unparalelled
I am beginning to work directly on my injured nec, spine , and leg regions.
Incident On Walnut Sreet
This time, we will not run.
This time, we’ll fight the lion.
Cascade
As yet, there is just no way to stop nor counter the countless miniscule tremors and sudden redirection diversions within my muscular synapses – which makes doing anything quickly or smoothly a bumbling and frustrating venture!
Casting About
As yet, I have no solid idea of how I may reenter the workforce at at least comparable rate of pay to that which I worked hard to earn before the accident.
Keening
I feel it and sense that part of me, gibbering and wailing in my mind at how the accident has bumped me into the ranks of disability.
Slippage
I projected the patterns and recognized this zone I am now navigating could be problematic – but the injuries make it harder to weather.
Transition
I wonder who I could have been, but try to focus on who I will become.
Lag
It occurs to me as I move through this latest phase of having been injured that those many times that I was picked on as a child and called “stupid,” or accused of ignoring subject matter, or not responding quick enough to people’s demands – just not immediately gyrating to their puppetry – was because of multiple bouts of experienced head trauma.
But I was inside here all the while, observing, thinking…
And not allowed any room nor encouragement for reemergence.
Sometimes, I wanted to scream.
Other times, I would just lapse into despondent, drawn out silence.
But always, I was just waiting…
Waiting for my time.
Waiting for safety.
One Notch
Abdominal inflammation now beginning to shift, it seems I have decreased in belt size.
Tangental Thinking
The psychological evaluator suggested after four hours of testing that perhaps, as apparently many females in our society, I had gone through life undiagnosed with ADHD.
I pose an alternative theory: that the mind learns to diverge around repeated traumatic physical and mental-emotional injury for survival of its host body, and alternative preservation of its soul’s integrity.
Mixed Messages
The accident made it impossible to continue im my healing career (at least temporarily) and forced my hand in reaching for my next level of ascension.
But there has been great cost to my body’s well being in pain and damage, which leaves me feelimg as if I have been back-handed and reprimanded.
Sometimes I Feel
Moments of “better.”
Jitters
I had known that my spine was greatly compromised by the accident, but even so, seeing visual confirmation along with evidence of at-that-time spinal chord compression is distressing.
At least I can see that my reactivation efforts have preserved the disk spacing, and that my spinal chord is repairing.
(Walk – Foo Fighters)
“Where Do I Begin?”
Music: “Walk” By Foo Fighters
Note the chainlink fencing…
“Hey, I Needed That!”
“Corben, I-I-I have no juice in my spiiine, Corben!” (Movie “Fifth Element” reference)
L1-L2 disk needs rehydrating, from center-punch rear-ending car accident at a stoplight August 2023.
Spinal Injury
I am missing an important Oreo (TM) cookie double stuff filling.
Here, Now
As the effects of concussion flared their sway upon her brain’s processing capabilities in its next stages of recalibration, she experienced bouts of panic as distortion coated perceptions.
Rallying
To counter the disruptive effects of the accident, I immediately lept back into school, hoping to pull myself forward into a self healing paradigm.
Progress
Some of my muscles are beginning to reactivate!
Ghosts In The Machine
Re-exploring exercises I used to do years ago in hopes that my body will remember and reboot to how its muscles and nerves used to function…
The only drawback is revisiting prior associations.
(Be Ok – Ingrid Michaelson)
Brachial Plexus
Literally a “break through.”
Processing
It p***es me off that mine is mitigated.
Keeping Pace
Dodging
Weaving to and fro
Bypassing
Neuropathy
Tracking and
Triangulating
Where progress
May advance
Before next
Impinged.
The Lockdown
I used to be capable of caring for others, and though I felt isolated and met external resistence, my heart beat red and was willing.
But since the car accident, this capability to love others has been narrowing, funneling down into my center, where there is only room for me.
Dodging Crocodiles
It seems to have become my lot to keep jumping from lilypad to turning log – then to lilypad and only briefly solid rock – and then on to further instabilities while frequently challenged to validate my already proven realities.
Fizzled
From a 4 hour assessment.
Setbacks
I tried doing a little therapy on a loved one this evening and found that I am still too injured and destabilized, which remains alarming.
I mean, it makes sense how I was injured – because I was the one in the accident.
But I have never heard of such injuries being acquired or experienced in the ways that have happened to me.
Tissaia: The Price Of Chaos
“One of the first things we learn about Chaos is that it always has consequences. There is a cost to this magic. And eventually, we all must pay. It is not a gift. It is a trade. And often, that trade leads us to dark places. But there are always bright spots.”
The Witcher, Netflx
It’s Funny
I keep expecting myself to get out of pain, although the impact happened only a few months ago.
What I Want
Full recovery into a life of vitality.
And the extra good and joy that comes with it!
Gold Linings
She had been hurt, but also afforded new opportunities.
Tensile Elasticity
The accident had overstretched the connective tissues so that when she pushed against her own internal boundaries to gain strength, they blew out, which left her emotionally exhausted.
Social Elevation
It was not easy, nor comfortable, to be among the first to promote an improved value system.
(Title play with words)
A Case For Humanity
Was she foolish? She fretted as she limped through the kitchen to let the dogs out.
It was customary to sue for pain and suffering, and clearly, she was experiencing plenty of that.
But her will was determined to overcome – or at least bypass – her multiple symptoms.
And she was retraining for a replacement career that could be very exciting.
She did not believe in causing harm to others because she had been harmed – except when necessary in the most extreme situations.
Pause Of The Claimant
People she spoke with assumed she would sue because “she had a right to.”
But she also knew that the person having to pay had not been at fault. It had been her partner driving.
She was surprised and a bit disgusted with the toxic money-hungering liturgy in society’s system.
Perhaps she did not have her own priorities correct – especially after having endured repeated homelessness and poverty.
But it was one thing to pursue what was owed to one’s self from a huge agency set up for such compensations.
And quite another if the tally directly affected another person who personally could not afford it.
Facing The Lion
A trip to the surgeon.
Candid Corvid Productions 