Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense
Back To Work
“Well, all of this has certainly sucked – and I am pretty much back to fending for myself again, despite injuries.
Yeah, I need to file for disability – because there is no way that I can attain previous numbers, again.
And yeah, the physicality of the therapies tears me apart, but that is why I’ve entered into modality retraining.
But I have to get through another year before I have things shifted onto a new track, and any help from society is waning.
At least, my neck having surgery is not a viable option, because at this point, it wouldn’t help anything.
My hips, however – they won’t consider surgery due to my age.
So I am just sh** out of luck – literally, no matter which way I turn.
At least I can try to regenerate some cash flow, again.
And let’s not even discuss my shoulders or spine…”
Yeah…
“It is kind of brutally funny, this living amid personal tragedy.”
Suspended Animation
Although she seemed to have little control over the direction that her ship was hurtling, she could play with the gravity adjustments and attempt to reduce her discomfort.”
Maybe
If she could get the jammed cervicals to release and reintegrate, the others would not be so sliding-compression-pinching hypermobile.
ReCalculating
“If hip joints are being twist-pulled forward and out away from structural stability due to over-torque tension in the quadraceps, will lower abdominal restrengthening pull back and tighten the sheaths that should wrap tight the capsules – or will this just increase the overall load?”
Genetics & Accidents
“It turns out that I have hip dysplasia.
My hound has it, too.
Only her left hip will twist out of its socket – even in her youth.
I have to rub her associated muscle spasms to get them to release her hip so that it again properly repositions when I see her limp.
Oh wait…
Both of mine now behave like this, too.”
EEE-YA-AH!
“Aparrently, lifting weight makes my hip joints lose their sh**!”
(“The PAIN!!!” – original Dune quote)
Flush
“”I was helped today in getting my car insurance turned back on so I can function, then told that I could pay it back when I am ‘flush.’
Flush…
How am I going to attain anything near that spectrum, again?”
I Am Reminded
“Of specifics in how I made it through past versions of rough patches.
I did not want a refresher – yet more advanced course in this.
‘No Sir…don’t like it.'”
I Hate It
“Wearing the poverty cap.”
Laughter In The Dark
“I see younger couples carrying their toddlers for distance – and even a single mom with like a 6 year old as she carried a cumbersomly frontloaded baby carrier with a newborn in it.
My muscle synapsis scream as I phantom flex remembering how I, too, used to do such things.
And all I can think of while viewing these still-resourced wonders is, “Why aren’t you utilizing strollers and carts?”
Damage Control
“What is that again, exactly?:
I Am
“Liking these curls, though!”
For A Moment
“I can stand straight – because I fight hard every day to regain such brief moments.”
You Know
“It’s kind of shitty having disability.
I already knew this from caring for others outside of it.
But gee, look – now I get to have the same prize!”
A Woman’s Reality
“I need to be provided for.
Not just want, now – but need.
Where’s pride and safety come in?”
Tired Thematics
Unrequieted love
Injuries twisting pain
Financial instability
More Financial Battles?
“No…just fecking no.”
Nope
“No school work today, and no rest tomorrow as bills and services cancel.
There is no easy way through.
No wonder I just want to stop and not try anymore.”
(Lost Elevation – Vibfy)
Full Body Muscle Spasms
“I could help my body recover, if I were the therapist on the outside, rather than stuck within it.”
The Ripple Effect
“I must be losing weight because as I lean forward typing on my phone with arms resting on upper thighs, shadows cast from an overhead light show in extreme relief the myofascial damage done by the car accident to tissues on the inside of my upper arms and across my biceps.
I’ve got to try slide-cupping this, again”
Identifying The Issue
“I have some brain injury that interferes with visual data perception – ie: icons, pathway navigation relationships, once I engage my eyes to use the computer.
It also interferes with brain to vocal throat and jaw verbal transitions from thought to speech.
I mask this last bit well, but can feel the lag and glitches in stream of thought disruption and delays in muscle activation when I externally communicate.”
Walking Stick
“‘Cause this. is. fun. – and oh-so se-xy!”
Dropping Things
“Gravity likes to display its effects around me.”
Highs & Lows
“Oh, yes….
They like to tell me that I am perimenopausal.
But I know for a fact that my temperature fluxing disregulations are from my neck injury, for I can induce these quite easily, accidentally.”
Simple Tasks
“We expect to be able to take ability to do such things for granted.”
Twisting Motions
“Oh, that’s right…
I helped change a series of light bulbs requirimg over head twisting motions.”
Confession
“I did spend time tending my roses that the dogs had shredded…”
Like A Rip Cord
“I don’t know what I did, but my anterior shoulder tendon attachment is pulling hatd and very angry.”
Dear Alex,
“It turns out that surgery will not be the answer – and that though the pain and symptoms are severe, there is still hope for regaining my structural capacity.
Thank goodness – and back to feretting out the neurology.”
In The Waiting Room
Is disengaging the same
As freezing dissociation?
My mind does not want to
Be going in this direction
Dear Alex
“Tomorrow, I meet with the surgeon’s office.”
Someday,
“I will let out a mighty scream of pain when my right hip joint at last repositions itself correctly.
But though it keeps indicating through a crazy spasming pain, this will likely not happen yet, today.”
Going To Extremes
“It’s a consistency now after mopping floors that the next day or so my muscle attachments spasm and twist, attempting to dislodge shoulder and hip joints from their hitches.”
Puffy Eyes
“It’s better to cry over love, than over injuries.”
If I Leave My Room
“Everything else will demand my attention – but the day’s worked-for calm has been shot to Hell, anyway.
Now I have to put my body into movement to try to ride out the cortisol.”
Pragmatic B.S.
“Well, at least this injury is new…
That’s good, right?
Evening out to more territory being f-ed up is positive, right?
More terrain taking on load damage surely means I’m healing – RIGHT?!!”
God, Why?
“I don’t even know what I did, but now my right shoulder blade is twisting-tight ginked.
Perhaps because I need to PUNCH something real HARD!
So fun being ‘wrecked’…”
Give It To Me
Just give me some actual peace
Where not only can I recover but
Then next emergencies just feck right OFF
Instead of causing adrenal muscle spasms!
Another Fight
“Past benefits taking current benefits, and I’m still in the hole – FECK!””
“Clyde”
“Also for ‘col-lide’ – har har!”
Clyde
“Like Bonnie and Clyde – but where the terrible demise ending happened first, and now we must partner for having fun.
Or maybe it’s just another big illusion – another ‘hitchhiker’ putting me under its gun.”
The Accident
“At this point, I think I should name it, for it is surely a dominant character in my life now – albeit muchly unwanted.”
Finally
The pain backed off…
(As Alive As You Need Me To Be – Nine Inch Nails)
The Great Escape
Don’t think about it
Identify the objects
Put on clothes
Tie up the hair
Turn on plants’ light
Grab stuff and leave
Without diverting
To tend animals
Without pausing
For conversation
Hold body in tight
Ignoring the pain
Screaming as you
Grab basic pain pills
And shamble quickly to
Rehab’s transportation
Squinting and flinching
As light sears into brain
I Had Hoped
“That once I had gotten my children fledged and successfully launched into their new lives that I would have something left to offer – instrad of these fried circuits.”
Another Word Of The Day: Fantasy
“A way to cope with and survive despite the hardships of reality…though these days, reality is pressing to crush me.”
Candid Corvid Productions 