Category: Where Demons Tread

I have not known for sure that it is me that you have wanted.

This has created immense insecurity in me.

I have loved you from the very beginning.

My heart’s soul recognized your love as having been made from the same cloth as mine.

I cannot remember what I said to you that first time that I crossed the line.

I thought that perhaps my words would not matter to you – but I felt compelled then to bridge and give them to you.

I sensed something there could be between us – a shared essentiality that I could not ignore.

But I also knew that you needed time to figure out and decide things for your self, in your own way and processes.

I have loved you from behind the scenes, from behind the veils that have ever cloaked me.

I will continue loving you.

I will support you.

Sincerely, from the depths of my heart.

Even when I am pissy, frustrated, and  totally angry at you for misreading my signals and/or seemingly deliberately misunderstanding me and getting it “wrong” – I still love, want, and need you in my life, playing your part.

And my heart – even when it decides to do the crazy things that it feels it must needs to do that also mis-signal you in its own attempts to still self protect – will always want to return to yours, no matter what.

I love your essence.

I love your core.

I still do not know you in our physical reality but I want to – always, and more.

So do you want to figure out how to make our dreams come true together at last, my dearest darling lover baby heart-throbbing, love-aspiring – yet nihilistic existentialist?

If you do, please reach out to me clearly.

Just let me know that you want me too, my honey bun bee.

Your sugar is here, ready to still struggle against the inevitable demise of your securing me.

Yet secretly, hopefully and happily anticipating.

I protect myself because I have no filters.

You matter so much to me that I need to be careful to still hold my own center when I am around you.

It tears me up inside that we can’t share our love in person with each other.

I need you to be part of my reality, every day, so that we may experience and share love and grow with each other.

Your Shelter.

I’m too cold and too hot here, on my own.

Every time you turn
Away from me hurts

And I’m left confused
Warring with passions

I need you to
Risk, find out

I think that you see me, understand me in ways that no one else ever has or ever could.

You bring out what’s been hidden and has dwelled in secrecy, afraid to be redeemed.

I think that I do the same for you.

Something about us just slides into spaces for each other that we need filled the most.

And this both terrifies and exhilarates us.

Terrifies – a sense causing severe contraction.

Exhilarates – a sense causing such rapid expansion.

We have such potential for a wonderful life together, my love.

We draw, shift, and surge each other’s tides.

How do we come together and meet in the middle so that we may both benefit by and guide our passions, rather than being tossed about by their storms?

Please hold me close.

When you stay in the shadows, how can I see or know you better?

Let go of needing to be perfect for me.

We both need to work on this, together.

Surges passionately for yours
Nothing I wouldn’t do for you

It rises like an eagle’s cries
Pierce atmospheric layers

Claiming sovereignty
Over all of creation

Just to be
With you