Category: Where Demons Tread

Ok, so here she was, sobbing for being unable to reach out to and hold him.

No way to assuredly contact, so just hoping he was listening.

Can’t go and directly petition because not even confirmed what they are to each other.

Yet, in person immediately defaulting automatically to high self suppression because the situation is so important that her system overloads and freezes.

Let alone, it has never been safe to express her deepest feelings in person about loving a man.

How to be authentuc in person on such a profound level?

Especially exposed out in the open?

What if she suddenly burst out into tears and crumpled?

Was it acceptable to fling herself forward into hugging him?

What does one say simply when entire internal worlds press in wanting to rush out through a body for greeting and welcoming?

How to reach out and touch without clear permission given?

And then, how to unthaw one’s system to respond in any measure to match right timing?

It’s an equation that she had never before experienced – and therefore, could not ensure any perfection.

She had made it to the edge of a land mass and had just enough energy to drag herself out of the water – but not enough to seek shelter – before collapsing onto the shore.

“Oh, and I am done dancing to alarm bells
No wonder my ears are still ringing

And I am done fighting off change
No wonder my arms are still swinging”

“I was able to show you my rare phoenix, but mostly I have to scrabble for sustenance in one of my other forms – and there’s a lot of concern, worry, and even fear for my survival involved.”