“I thought I heard you calling me.
Are you ok?
You are not here – and I don’t know why.
I am here for you.
Do not worry.”
“I thought I heard you calling me.
Are you ok?
You are not here – and I don’t know why.
I am here for you.
Do not worry.”
I didn’t know I would hesitate
Though shy, I’ve always risen
But you are more than human
You coalesce my heart’s vision
Caught off guard while wishing
Struck dumb by dream arriving
Come back to me, Baby.
Say that it’s not too late –
Say it’s never too late
For a love true as ours
I’ve been traveling through time
Stuck in so many gray life lines
Jumping through death’s door
Followimg light to even score
Tell me we’re not too young or old
To know what grace is given to us
I paused running to you because
I needed time to get to know you
I didn’t want to trip and falter
Giving you wrong impressions
I wanted you for real connection
Yet couldn’t control my emotions
You looked so good and gave me that smile
It tipped my center – disrupting composure
Given both our history
I can’t dare to proceed
Without clearly defined
Understood permissions
And time to build trust
As building connection
This does not mean that
I want distance – in fact
It means quite
The opposite
—
(Last two lines reference end of A&E’s Pride & Prejudice)
I couldn’t tell you everything I needed
In that lightning-bolt moment waiting
I’m sorry I didn’t respond immediately
When everything mattered suddenly
I needed time with you to unpack
& for us to get to know each other
So that we could share confidentially
In safety’s security-assured building
I miss you terribly and hope that
You’ll give us a real chance soon
“Oh, to be able to reach out to touch and grasp your fingers, reassuring you as you reassure me…”
“Are you my ‘Jekyll and Hyde?'”
“Please do not judge your light and dark sides against each other.
They both have validity and compliment each other.”
That I should avoid influences
But you made it impossible to
So tell me now, love
Where’s our reward?
In this quiet, we belong to each other
Yet in the ‘real world,’ we are far apart
Until I feel you then, too, permeating
What madness pervades my senses
Causing such desires blooming
Without ability to touch you?
Teach me your desires so that
I may give you what you need
Freeing you from anguish
So we both may fully feed
“I know we think that it is perhaps safer to keep things the way that they have always been – but this is because we are afraid to be vulnerable in order to receive and give.”
She had loved being able to breathe in his scent, and had forgotten that that was an essential element in bonding relationships.
—-
(Neurofeedback altered states internal experience as if in a waking drean)
Look at me now
See my suffering
Did I truly do something wrong to
Deserve my beloved’s distancing?
See how it turns me inside out &
How I try to redirect to creating
You and I are not so different
Caught in the wakes of losses
Therefore, let my pain
Absolve your suffering
The guilt you felt and feel
Let my regard forgive you
Awaken, my love &
Accept being loved
We are both broken so
Let’s start the mending
“Was it you who saved me years ago – not ‘Alex,’ afterall?”
From worse to hopefully better
You’ve pealed off the bandaids
By Athena Stairs, November 11, 2025
Violets
Violence
Violets
Violence
I’m smelling violets
In silence like violence
Violets
Violence
Violets
Violence
I’m smelling violets
In silence like violence
There’s something in the air
I sense you everywhere
If I turn when feel you stare
You evaporate into thin air
I’m smelling violets
In silence like violence
I’m smelling violets
In this silence like violence
This scent is in my brain
Keeps pinging my membranes
A garden fresh in bloom
Tears my heart open to make room
Violets
Violence
I’m smelling violets
In silence like violence
Violets
Violence
I’m smelling violets
In this silence like violence
Violets like violence
Turn violence into violets
Violets like violence
Turn violence into violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violence to violets
Violets
—
Electronica Dark Goth Song
(Please contact me for permissions)
I just want to love you and
To have you loving me, too
All of the rest is just
Trials and frosting
It was neither of their fault (just a valid misinterpretation) that upon first meeting their chemicals combined to create interdimensional fissions – blasting them far apart from each other, accidentally chastised in the confusion.
“My love, are we ‘in this together to win this?’
Because from my point of view, our souls are pretty invested in our having success.
If you also believe this to be true, how do we overcome our shyness?”
She’d had to allow the corruption to become a part of her in order to survive, neutralizing and owning it while bound to its puppet strings.
He’d met her there in the darkness – had called out to bridge with love’s intention, awakening the passion she’d held under tight leash as it ignited her need to embrace him.
But when she saw him suddenly in person in a brief glance shared that none before could ever compare, her hidden innocence suddenly recognized his hidden innocence – and two pairs of wide blue eyes starled back to their cores in a flash of white gold brilliance.
Transformed into unicorns and both confused by their suddenly repairing souls’ clammoring to take this union seriously, their high spirits kicked up heels in overwhelm – and tossing heads fled to opposite directions for safe distance.
How can it be that where truth resides I am very shy?
Why do I still wear these glasses that poke near my eye?
With all of our life experiences why did we both run?
Bolting opposite directions instead of toward the sun?
She came upon a singing class practicing low pressure, cozy outdoor performances in a little cafe outer nook with supportive atmosphere.
He was there, phasing in and out of his younger to now form and they linked somehow at distance.
Both extremely shy in person, their nerves became more secure over time during the practice as when one would look toward the other the other would receive and give back just a tiny bit more.
“Yes…hello…I’m here…I like you,” careful yet clear signaling throughout the session passed between them.
Toward the end of the class, she sang a little over the recording, just trying to get the words smooth and right, and then he followed, lightly playing with stretching tones upward.
By the end of his song, she felt some slight confidance inside bloom where she never had before – and got reinforcement from his glance lingering in her direction that he felt the same, too.
Her heartbeat quickened as the class began to end because she felt the first sense of real hope that he would want to spend time with her – and that maybe their connection would grow and become something that they both could keep, instead of something shallow that often quickly ends.
—
(Last of last night’s dreams)
“So this issue regarding the marriage conundrum is still a thing…
There seems no way to escape that door shutting after a couple marries and they are ‘shoved close into the room of their lives’ together.
From what I can surmise, the only way their relationship will have a chance to survive and grow is if they unpack everything right then and there – truthfully and honestly while identifying strengths, weaknesses, goals, dreams, desires, where they are vulnerable to outside and internal influences and strategizing and committing to be a team dedicated to each other’s mutual flourishing.
But most people don’t know this about marriage needing to have a blueprint or survival kit – and then suddenly the ghosts and ghoulies from inside and externally decide to come visiting.
Pressures, ‘babes’ – they get squeezed, pulled, crushed & compressed, and then project negatively onto each other for it.
I’m just speaking of the casualties – the ones who don’t make it.
I don’t know how those who make it get through this stage – except to say that it would seem to be an essential part of due diligence to at least discuss these things prior to marriage for ensuring that the couple at least starts off on a same page that they could return to and refashion for reconnection and rebonding with each other.
And, I can say that having already tried longterm relationships without marriage, something vital in commitment was always very much lacking.
What do you think about these concepts, what has been your experience, and what do you think could work well to ensure evolving success in partnership?
“I’m not ok.
I’ve been literally set back.
I am needing to dissociate.
I couldn’t remain exposed and overextended.
The reality is that I am alone inside here.
And who and what I am is withdrawing due to the injury.
I mean, getting smacked by the universe turning and dumping me onto my head is just purely unnecessary.
I am in shock and not progressing on things even to prior limited capacities.
I am upset somewhere – very upset.
And lost in the undertow of things.
And you are not here, so what is real?
I reach out and just find me.
I need more than this to keep bridging.”
“I wish we could be real with each other.”
Yes, I’m thinking about you.
But I’m also trying to sleep.
Why is it that I can only sleep once I have sought for you – but then once I close my eyes, I am again sleepless?”
“I went into a crystal apothecary shop today looking for a bracelet to help ward off the static harm that keeps persecuting me.
Without intending to, I found something rare and special that is perfect for you that they let me put on hold for when I can afford its simple expense.
Funny how I went looking for me and found something for you.”
“Someday, we may speak privately.
I have no desire to be public except to use this as a means to stay in contact with you.”