With insurance having unlawfully cut off my partial wage loss support and resulting pressures attempting to shove me back into the workforce prematurely, I have to decide if I allow this landslide to carry me where it will – or do I leap again with whatever skills I can muster to reach for a life less orfinary?
Category: Where Demons Tread
(Kissing Strangers – Usher)
Habibi
There was the hope that we could return to innocence, together.
An Honest Woman
When one is no longer wanted but has invested in a partner who lives in another country where women are still viewed as property, it would seem best to keep to self mother and child born into their freedom.
I am thankful after years of prayer that though disappointed, there was no reason.
For in the dream I wanted him to know – sacrificing our safety for honor’s reason.
(Title play with words)
Little Grace
I dreamed that I had a daughter from a man in another country. She was an infant to toddler – but could’ve been by now six.
Nehme نعمة
(Title play with words)
(It Don’t Matter To Me – Bread)
Forest Creed
Either we are hunted,
Or we are on the hunt.
Dream Time
A younger David Gahan beckoned a younger inside me personally to keep going to the crest of the hill where he promised to help ease my worry by song and good company.
As I zombie-hunch shuffled, trying to not slide backward, and rallied to keep moving by resistant leg coordination, a starlet emerged next to me as the other striders streamed around us, onward toward their own destinations.
I in a ragged medical gown askewed by my struggles, and she in her top-dressed “nines” with makeup and hair perfect, turned right over the hill’s top and curved into his downward sloping vacation rental driveway.
Whereupon, she excitedly exclaimed it was amazing and that she had never been there before, and I sighed with relief saying “Ah, I like this house” (having recognized I’d been there before) – and wondered if David would let me first sleep some more.
(Valle de los Espojos – Eduardo Gatti)
Externalities
Functioning in each moment requires more multiple efforts to just perform one task smoothly and effectively, creating an overage of conscripting more broadly further related processing capabilites to support and enact such operationd, which compounds complexity in what “should be” simplicity.
Reclusion
I do not like being around peers when having to deal with these “disabilities.”
(Bad Dream – Cannons)
PFFFFFFTTTT!
“Maybe once…maybe twice…”
Frequently
(If You Love Me [Let Me Know] – Olivia Newton John)
The Inevitability Of Demise
I withdrew from Bachelor’s degree classes to preserve their hope for the future and not allow any further damage to occur to them.
(One For The Road – Arctic Monkeys)
Epic Proportions
“At least in my own life, I get to play the hero.”
Blasted Aftermath
“No, I do not agree that I should be happy with your decision to leave me for another in your pandering-to-stereotypically-accepted idealistic ludicrousy!”
One-Sided
More often than not, men are attracted to independence in a woman because they don’t want to put in the work’s effort to ensure a relationship is functional.
They want a woman who will cater to them, but ask very little in return.
Self-Sufficiency
Oh sure, men claim to want this in a partnership – until they compare their own performance and find their selves lacking.
Uncertainty
“Without recourse” intrudes upon the mind – throttling life’s security, forcing by fear self compromise.
(Elixer – VonnBoyd)
A Sense Of Right And Wrong
“I have always been of the devoted type, but upon crossing the line of half a century old and reviewing how I have been abandoned time and again while I lead and rallied for love’s cause, what endurant reward truly exists to encourage my ever trying again?”
The Breakup
I need comfort’s
Sense of home and
Hope, love, and trust.
But he can’t be with me
Wishing he was some place
With someone else, another time.
Pipe Dream
To think that I would be given the time, space, and stress buffer to focus upon my Bachelor’s was a long shot, I know – but I have to keep trying to make its successful completion a reality.
(Arizona – Kings Of Leon)
Aftershock
Thank goodness I am easing off of the hyperburn as I work to regain system regulation!
(Breathe – EMBRZ)
Being Stalwart
A key to endurance in survivors.
Every Little Grace
It helps my pounding-pained brain and adrenaline-riddled system that at least, for now, it is the weekend – which limits the amount of “running around in multiple directions” that I can do.
Are You Kidding Me?!
I had, of course, worried that the 3rd party doctor would claim some biased reason to discount my current inability to work – especially since she refused to perform the neurological assessment duties that I, my main doctor, and even my insurance company had requested and thought she was going to do.
But no.
Her eyes had glazed over during my interview and she seemed distracted and agitated when I told her my after-car accident current symptoms that I have been working diligently to have identified and strategies of rehabilitation formulated.
She was not interested and responded lacklusterly, telling me vaguely that she was not allowed to assess me for these things.
Then, her eyes lit up alive and she became animated when I told her of the many physical traumas that I have had since childhood and outgrew and overcame.
I stated these honestly because I was required to, and proudly because these have been previous “wars that I have won” and was very functional afterwards despite of.
After performing a brief exam that any walk- in clinic would offer after first shrugging her shoulders and indicating by body language and slight comment that it was useless and wouldn’t matter, her 16 page I-am-sure-templated-report did not dispute that I could not currently work – but that the accident was not the cause of my current inabilities!
What-what-what?! the warbling dodo bird comedian sqwuaks at this ridiculous claim in the face of all actual evidence that has been given.
The cascade of allowed and unchecked resultant destabilizing force from this claim has put all of my rallying defences under the gun.
State Of Belief
“The dominance of the attempted shutdown hits with such force that I have no choice put to hurt myself in the process of matching that force and pushing even harder to fight it back.”
“The Light Of Truth”
Painful Overload
How to progress to finish my retraining and obtain my bachelor’s when under attack and actively defending…I must succeed.
Sweat
Hot flashes propel my system into internal molten overdrive since I’ve began receiving craniosacral therapy for cervical injuries.
These episodes are further excercises in tolerant endurance as my body attempts to flux-recallibrate after impact’s shut down.
A New Version Of WTF
Cut off income.
No grace period.
Still unable to work.
Need more time to heal.
Prospective loss of housing.
(The Kill – Thirty Seconds To Mars)
Valiance
Ever to the end…
(Adrenaline – Shinedown)
Further “Hilarity”
Having yet been unable to appeal the wrongful retraction of earlier unemployment wages, I today received a notice stating that they think I additinally instead owe them.
How the creatures do love to prevent one from Hell’s leaving.!
Dear Alex,
Having to “conquer foes within the depths of hell” over and over again makes me feel unwortby of someone like you.
I am as if in The Witcher’s position, eyes magic-crazed and determination bent on overcoming any obstacle oozing from my pores while blood and slime covers my bearings – how thus could you account my beauty?
What would beguile you into thinking that we are matched in our wits and comprehension’s understanding?
“An Ally’s Strength”
They say that flowers help to absorb negative injury.
It seems that last afternoon’s reveal has pushed them beyond tolerances.
Thank you, sweet friend, for your cheerful comraderie.
Right Or Wrong Timing
Though extremely distressed by what is happening, I am not surprised.
It is often the case in important struggles that when rays of hope appear in darkness to signal there being light at the end of the tunnel – that is when the forces of resustance to one’s leaving appear.
Yet still, the experiencr of “being attacked and sabotaged” is terrifying!
In The War Zone
An attack has been made, and I hunker down, distressed while assessing damage.
The sun is shining outside brightly, and I have just had the incredible win of selling my youngest’s car for the exact amount needed to buy them the one they needed.
I showed up yesterday to my final and took to the stage spontaneously to pantomime along with my song in leiu of being able to finish it in the software properly.
Making no claims for the greatness of my acting, the point is that I innovated.
The internal clouds had parted for a moment, allowing me to remember as strategy that performance art could indeed be used for my presenting.
I have accomplished great, important things, one-by-one in sequence and by staying focused upon one step at a time.
Therefore, where is my confidence?
Why is it not safe to smile at the day’s mere delight and whim?
Because my home is under attack and the truth of my situation has not merely been called into question – but immediately acted against.
When a wounded person’s injuries are arbitrarily discounted, where does reclamation of justice and reclamation of security even start to begin?
Have A Care
The identity of cause is not yet shown in the few scans so far taken.
They have merely shown proof that what I say has occurred is indeed in those dimensions.
For the body obtains injury not only to bones and muscles – but to nerves, organs, and interstitial vessels.
Fie to those in power that continue suppressing the truth’s humanitarian efforts!
MIDI
An accronym for a durection wherein resides my salvation.
Injustice
A deceitful game of “winner takes all” – unless the valiant resist to stop this.
3rd Party Arbitrary
As I thought would happen, the 3rd party doctor who was not listening to my current symptoms and was looking for any reason to discount what I was saying filed against my continuing to receive support. She was even reluctant to do a physical assessment, shrugging and saying “well, let’s go through the motions” – and then not even following through with any real testing!
(Compress – Roland Carriage)
Bounding About The Place
It is difficult to feel uplifted and hopeful upon receiving the usual payment, knowing we are now further “in the red” and my funding could be cut off before my career retraining is completed.
It often feels like before my wings can just begin flexing, it is as if machetes come swinging at my legs – propelling me to keep leaping even harder to try to fly, long before I am ready!
Candid Corvid Productions 