I thought that I saw yet another version of you.
I must be going mad…
I thought that I saw yet another version of you.
I must be going mad…
I dreamed of us together…
We wete in a house, preparing food on a large kitchen ‘island,’ talking about real life things and making plans.
It felt so easy and natural…
Like we fit well as a couple.”
I am fighting off something in my throat from the other day’s too long outdoor damp and cold exposure.
But I sure wish that I could hold and kiss you.
Sweet dreams, Baby.
“I told you this…
I am a switch in love.”
—
(Multiple meanings)
You must be crazy if you think that I will give in so easily
Things we buried low
Coming to the surface now, my love
You must be crazy if you think that I will give up the game
—
(Sleep Token lyrics)
I need you to understand that your presence in my life is enrichment – no matter what difficulties are ever occurring.
There is no perfect timing…
Only dreams that we, ourselves, put work into creating.
Sometimes, I have thought that we have seen each other.
But you do not approach me.
Why won’t you?
—
(Deliberate neutrality of tone, here)
I am under self lock down as I am having to carefully navigate shark-infested waters where chum is being spilled and old military-type super mines are bobbing – hidden submerged under choppy waters, ready to snag my makeshift raft with their rusted and randomly shifting-about-in-the-waves spike extensions.
I am just in the thick of it…
Passions inspire – but
How to confirm and
Build solid pairing?
I have not told you about the extremes that my situation has been flipped and exploded into, capsizing my every good and productive, mutually-beneficial-to-everyone strategies while having the tide turned suddenly hard against me as I am rapidly being swept toward a whirlpool without a life boat…
Turn back the page once again
Give up the game and let me in
My arms belong around you
—
(Sleep Token lyrics)
Oh lift me out
Of my own skin
Of all my doubt
—
(Sleep Token lyrics)
Yes, of course I still love you.
It’s just hard to need you so much while on my own, going through more trials.
I think of you always.
Every day.
Frequently.
No matter what I am doing.
Wanting to be with you.
I have to move.
And I am worried.
I wanted you to think good things about me because I live my life clean and work to achieve.
But now, people are lying about and defaming my character so that they can make other gains.
“Yet in reverse you are all my symmetry
A parallel I would lay my life on
So if your wings won’t find you heaven
I will bring it down like an ancient bygone”
(Sleep Token “Euclid”)
I will want to love you, for always.
So treat me well, Darlin’ – so that I can keep on tryin’ to treat you even better.
Let’s make livin’ this life together so very much worth our every effort.
It’s always been here between us…
I just couldn’t afford to bleed out if you needed to keep running.
“When ignored and villified, provokes ‘Its’ baser needs to surpass healthy limits in its defense.
And are we not ‘cast from God’s image?’
Therefore, ‘Gods’ are also like humans and need what we need to thrive and succeed.
And any worthy ‘God’ wants its worshippers happy.
It’s just common sense biofeedback.”
Had become a mere whisper barely felt or acknowledged in a world under seige.
Until “He” found two worthy souls and helped them bridge their hearts for mending.
Look what “He” has done for you and me.
He is offering us clemency – if you’ll swing your sword to cut the Gordion Knot for our freedom.
Your love has always been the key.
For all of this time, she had been a sacrificial pawn of the “God” of Neglect and Denied Needs.
She’d done it, again.
She’d fallen for the messages – had allowed her heart to reveal what she had been hiding for so long, underneath.
And the man had withdrawn – just like the others had before – leaving her circuit board lit up with suffering and never-ending hunger aching with longing unredeemed.
What did “He” want from her, after all?
What did “He” want to see?
“Bleed for me…” came The Need.
“Prove to me how much you want me to grant you this man’s offering.
Show me that you’ll be faithful, no matter how much you grieve…”
I need your arms around me.
I am pushing so hard to overcome.
Difficulty levels are escalating pressures.
I hope that all is well with you, and that your sleep is peaceful and rejuvenating.
I want the mess of you, too
The reality, as well as fantasy
This afternoon I got a wrong number text asking, “How about dinner, tomorrow night?”
It got me thinking how it would feel and what it would be like to have it be you and me.
It is not easy for me to say how I feel about you publicly.
Externalizing vulnerably causes me to need to withdraw for safety…
Especially when I do not know where I stand with you.
No rules.
No punishments.
No more secrets.
I have not known for sure that it is me that you have wanted.
This has created immense insecurity in me.
I have loved you from the very beginning.
My heart’s soul recognized your love as having been made from the same cloth as mine.
I cannot remember what I said to you that first time that I crossed the line.
I thought that perhaps my words would not matter to you – but I felt compelled then to bridge and give them to you.
I sensed something there could be between us – a shared essentiality that I could not ignore.
But I also knew that you needed time to figure out and decide things for your self, in your own way and processes.
I have loved you from behind the scenes, from behind the veils that have ever cloaked me.
I will continue loving you.
I will support you.
Sincerely, from the depths of my heart.
Even when I am pissy, frustrated, and totally angry at you for misreading my signals and/or seemingly deliberately misunderstanding me and getting it “wrong” – I still love, want, and need you in my life, playing your part.
And my heart – even when it decides to do the crazy things that it feels it must needs to do that also mis-signal you in its own attempts to still self protect – will always want to return to yours, no matter what.
I love your essence.
I love your core.
I still do not know you in our physical reality but I want to – always, and more.
So do you want to figure out how to make our dreams come true together at last, my dearest darling lover baby heart-throbbing, love-aspiring – yet nihilistic existentialist?
If you do, please reach out to me clearly.
Just let me know that you want me too, my honey bun bee.
Your sugar is here, ready to still struggle against the inevitable demise of your securing me.
Yet secretly, hopefully and happily anticipating.
Please come home to me.
I don’t want to make do without you.
I want you in my life, night and day.