A Woman's Plight

Dismantling Constructs

Candid Corvid Productions

The dreams were full of scenarios, including betrayal of trust and rejection, as well as examining belonging and reclaiming one’s sense of self.

In one, she was suddenly being kicked out from a home where she’d been allowed access to a bed and bathroom – but still took a stand on her own behalf as she left, citing the original contract agreement to protect herself.

In another scenario, she was surprised when one of the crew members leaned toward her from the side, silently offering his comfort’s warm shelter for her to absorb, which broke the cold, catatonic shock she fell into when her ex (turned narcisist) appeared across from them, haughtily righteous in his self assertions.

Next, she was on a central street island in some downtown, leaning back on the ground and taking in happenings around her while people watching – but decided that she wasn’t going to be a street gypsy successfully living on the fringe as her life pattern.

And in the fourth, she confronted her ex’s free-loading absence of providing rent while he used drugs and engaged with other women – as she struggled against strong emotions pushing her into hysteria and gave him final notice to be moved out in two weeks, by August.

This last dream’s timeline synced up with current reality’s timeline – which is interesting in context of evicting love’s prior unsuitable tenants to make room for better future partnership.

A Woman's Plight

Confidence

Candid Corvid Productions

“I’m not sure what is needed to obtain any.

I mean, I keep trying to show up and accomplish what is needed.

Remnants of me appear in the moment.

I don’t know if I am developing an anxiety complex, or if I’m just constantly overextending and, therefore, unable to maintain sense of endurant capability.

Am I sleep deprived?

It feels like I’m out of faith and just depleted.

Are my adrenals exhausted?

A lot keeps happening that I keep adjusting and adapting to.

Yet, I keep expecting to catch up to myself,

And I am not sure that this is happening.”

A Return To Innocence

Marveling

Candid Corvid Productions

“Suddenly, I found myself ice-skating on a river with a thickened surface they had prepared for me, and I was the actress they were filming.

Why, and by what characteristics had I qualified?

But I didn’t mind – in fact, it was quite pleasant to have a synergy of interest with creative people coordinating day lighting, sharing cues and prompts, and just playing with the feel of water flowing over ice as my skates slid and glided.

I was mesmerized by the feel and flow of the river’s curves shloopimg ’round, the brisk air against my face as I passed through the breeze, and the varying shapes, colors, and shadows morphing by in the landscape.

My legs felt weak, but if I kept the strokes short, slow, and directly under me with only slight leaning while tilting, I made good progress – and had reason to believe that I might over time get stronger at this.

The experience was quite uplifting, refreshing, and liberating!

—-

(This mornimg’s dream)

Altered States, Society

A Gesture

Candid Corvid Productions

“As other cars and I were coming down the road toward the overpass, something was in the left lane on the one way street, blocking.

So I slowed to a stop at distance in case someone crashed into my vehicle, turned on my emergency lights, and ambled carefully forward on foot to assist the older woman in a wheel chair.

I got her onto the sidewalk, locked in her wheel’s brake, returned to and moved my car to parking, then asked her where I could take her within limitations.

As we rolled along gently so as to not jar her, she lit up a marijuana pipe, and the raw burn of it smelled familiar.

She had complained of being cold earlier, which I could agree with because the weather had quickly gone from intense heat one day, to overcast cool and promising rain this evening.

But she also had her pants down, so I wasn’t going to comment about how this likely contributed.

She had me take her to the far side of a park’s building, positioned just so to be out of the wind blowing around the corners and anyone suddenly appearing to accidently slam into or trip over her.

I wished her a good evening as took my leave, and soon heard her yelling loudly in her reverie as I’d made it further down the street back to my car’s shelter.

I didn’t feel like a hero.

I just gave some kindness when maybe it was more needed.”

A Woman's Plight, Male Bonding

Feeder Breeders

Candid Corvid Productions

A woman must become powerful in her own way to successfully navigate forces in this world alone with children of her own.

Is she then required to relinquish this power when a man wishes to join and bond with her?

To accept a man as provider has seemed to imply societally this trade-off.

Yet, what then is to keep the man’s interest after her fire is given to him?

Too frequently, the woman’s offering gets taken for granted as the man then loses interest.

And then he goes after another in pursuit of fresh fire, rather than learning how to restoke in the first woman what his apathy  depleted.

A Woman's Plight, Myths & Legends

Proclamation

Candid Corvid Productions

Too many years of walking roads
Trying to find solid ground’s hold

Scrubbing dirt from blistered hands
Fighting off crone in demonic lands

F***  you! I shout to the curses made
Underneath the bane where I still toil

No longer sure if a curist or exorcist
Can tame the ills within this struggle

No! Bring me that champion
Who’s also survived flames

Lo! Having heard him now
Let the heavens proclaim!

There’s only one thing to purify vision
That’s proven souls making a decision

To fuse purpose into one in the forge
Reclaiming by alchemy Love’s sword!

A Woman's Plight

Severed Connections

Candid Corvid Productions

“I shouldn’t have been trying to repare and rebridge.

The costs had broken tenability, and my body and soul kept fighting my attempts at healing with him.

But I just couldn’t accept the losses and costs, and I wanted to go back to Eden.

Yet, it was burnt to cinders – with a devil in the vissage of a man who once loved me dancing through them, playing through my mind in awoken nightmares.”

A Woman's Plight

The Price

Candid Corvid Productions

“I don’t even know how we got through the many layered gaps slipping us further and further down into hell – except to say that, sometimes, gravity has its ‘benefits.’

Set up accusations for ‘squatting;’ a contract for slumming wedged between alcoholics and drug addicts; and the illusion of grace by indenturement to a sociopathic narcicist.

These were called ‘reparations…'”