“Heating blanket controller says ‘E,’ so check for loose connection.
Attachment completely unplugged is definitely an ‘E’ reason.”
Pain
“Believe it or not, I don’t like complaining – but I keep getting driven to mention it in order to attempt to obtain some sort of psychological release.”
Dear Alex,
“It seems silly to say this, but at least I know it wasn’t my fault that when I’d literally lift a finger, my eyes and brain kept trying to short out.
This is why I could not continue attempting piano and guitar, and why the pressure of survival pinging would not release to let me return to prior editing.
I’ve been having a hard time not getting a complex about these inabilities.”
Dear Alex,
“I’m frightened.
The MRI shows I likely need intervention surgery, asap.
I find out more tomorrow.
It isn’t something that I can fix on my own, and is getting worse too rapidly.
I wish I was wrong about this.
I hope it is better than this.
But it seems pretty obvious my life is at risk.
Maybe there’s another way to interpret this.
I’ve worked hard to keep my grip from slipping.
I don’t know how I can control this fall.”
Dear Alex,
“Many forms you present, but which is the real you?”
“Spirit”
True Dat
Ah, If Only Could’ve
Ocean Playtime
(Amen – for KING & COUNTRY)
Repost from November 14, 2024
Epitaph
“I want mine to say more than that I struggled valiantly.
I want it to also say that I got to live.”
(Almond Eyes – Brandon Lake)
Humans Being
What would we say to each other
If no longer labored in disruption?
How would we treat each other if
Acknowledged sisters / brothers?
Pragmatism
“I’m going to have to shift how I’ve looked at all of this in order to create a new form of hope to carry on.”
For Now
When paths forward
Erase into fading dim
Going becomes slower
As insecurity increases
One must take hold of
Frightened heart/mind
Carefully testing steps for
Stability’s further slippage
(Sparrows – Cory Asbury)
(Little Whip – Daggy Man)
How Rapid Is Rapid?
“Two years to this state is pretty darn rapid.
Gee, migraines and symptoms validated.
Why, thank you!”
(Sugar – Sleep Token)
The Game
Counter-strategies
First Born
“Breaks new ground the hardest.”
(Don’t You Give Up On Me – Brandon Lake)
Roles
“We have lost our bearings without at least some good aspects to guide our growth by.”
Dear Friend,
I know you
We are the same
In how we transform
Adversity
A rare finding
Indeed
Black Dragon
Laughs at machinations
Opening her own maw
To swallow them whole
Feasting on own blood
Transmutating power
Back into her hands
Leaving them gaping
In awe and wonder
As she takes to
Broken skies
Chem Trails
The hyper-sexualized narcicist thought he’d had her in his clutches by way of hormones procurred soaking into her bloodstream.
But to his vexation, she didn’t give a sh** about addiction when it came to there being an absence of love involved.
“Blood Magic”
“I am told that healers bound by this suffer such draw from their own life force that if they cannot find a way to recover strength, they are in danger of becoming vampires.”
Dear Friend,
“Where is it?
That wound that still bleeds?
Lead me to it, and I will try to help absolve and heal it.
Will you do the same for me?”
I Knew Myself
“I knew I was worthy of love, even if I couldn’t feel it.
Yet they were treating me this way, caught up in their own past internal disregulated programmings.”
Child Custody
“They use this term to mean which parents have which kids at which times.
But for a child who is unwanted, negated, disregarded, and neglected – and maybe only used only to get access to a younger sibling – the term can mean repeated sentences of termed incarceration with torment.”
Dear Alex,
“I don’t know what to do…
I don’t know how to bridge this gap to you.”
Now
“What to do about it…”
Why
“The spinal cord was overstretched, cervical stacking stability shorted out, and brain is being pullled at in every movement, so constant distress signals’ flight/fight/freeze signals keep alternating and prevent fascial proprioceptors from regulating.
But that’s not what many doctors would say.
They will look at where it is pinching, compressing, and/or grindng…
Because they still do not understand how to treat actual causes to system ‘failures’ by looking for underlying reasons in order to troubleshoot and provide restorative therapies.”
MRI Results
Worse than before…why?
(I’m not freaking out…I’m not panicking…my blood pressure is fine – I’m fine, da** it!)
4am Bed Wrestling
Pushed shoulders &
Further ripped hips
From slipping on carpet
Working to disassemble
That extra foam layer proposed
I had hoped would’ve benefited
Testifies to the extent of
Unnegotiable discomfort
Merry Travelers
(So Close – Brandon Lake)
Dear Friend,
They’d slander many things,
But we know truth from lies.
Yes, Please
Sweetlings!
“Monster Pie”
Dear Alex,
I don’t like them
What they do
How they think
They have rights
“Tree Of Life”
Selective Functionality
I can still attend many things
Just not the same drudgeries
Bear In Mind
“Games are fun, but I do not like being manipulated.”
(Title play with words – Raar!)
RueFallBack
“Yeah, ’cause I just knocked myself loose again, jumping around and dancing, getting hardcore into to that song.”
(Ouuch…but worth it)
Disclaimer
“I’ll need your help to rebuild myself, yet in return, I will help you, as well.”
(The Offering – Sleep Token)
Dear Friend,
“You lit-tle beeas-tie…”
Dear Alex,
“Please, love…let us not further delay.”
Candid Corvid Productions 