Dancing With Dandeluons Nouveau
(Latch – Sam Smith, Acoustic)
(Falling Into You – Lynnic)
Progress
“I might have a part time job, and my office situation is restabilized.”
(Waiting – Camelphat)
Money
When I wake up
And feel the hit
Coming at me like
A smack from God
I realize that the only
Solid issue is finance
If I have money then
All else can be stable
So that’s the goal
The focus of hack
Redo my marketing
Get out and make it
Then other worries
Really have no basis
Darling
“You make me happy. Can’t you see that in your loving arms is where I want to be?”
In The Making
And he’d scoure the earth to make her be his accountable, but she’d ever been and kept on waiting for his signal that they could begin and love again.
Naughty Boy
Having had little positive experience in relationship, he kept hanging back just out of sight, trying to get the courage to approach her.
My Lover
Her conjurings were always incomplete because she refused to tamper with the will of another.
Heart Strings
“I want to be able to make you laugh,” he confided wistfully.
“I can’t just give you my heart, without it being earned,” she replied, which drove his interest further into frenzy.
She knew that if she showed him genuine affection, he would quickly lose interest.
In fact, he was the type to usually reject her, so her strategy was disinterest.
Meanwhile, she felt hollow inside because her heart belonged to another who would not manifest.
And she had to make attempts at “being present in reality.”
But it was fecking gruelling.
Unfilled Well
There was a man who wanted to love her.
He took her into his arms and gave her warmth.
She said nothing, knowing speech would break the spell.
He projected onto her, made her his savior.
Confided in her while they were undercover.
Told her of his wife and children, and about how he longed for another.
He valued her, protected her because he could fill her with whatever.
She was a vessel – a shell to be conquered.
But she was alone and empty, even with external comforts because he did not know her well.
He did not want her for hersdlf.
He did not give himself to her completely, relegating her to being an outsider.
—,
(Men projecting at the gym)
Space Between Us
He said, ” Why can’t you wait a little longer? I have important things to pursue.”
She said, “What would you have me do? Stay in limbo forever – with no proof of what’s real or true?”
Lover’s Quarrel
He said, “I want to be there in the morning and with you in the night.”
She said, “Then why are you still far away, always out of my sight?”
Blurring
She has the audacity
To keep enduring
But trialed struggles
Keep burdening
By similar cycles
A life churning
Desperate to stop
Whirlwinds spinning
Her like a top
Until she drops
Disheartened
Full stop
Taking Root
“I must get grounded.”
Flying On A Falcon
Wisdom
“It has been implied by absence of much mention that the goddess Athena did not have a deep pair bond with anyone.
But perhaps she did, and just knew better than to share info about it with anyone.”
Emotions
“I’ve always believed that they can help us better understand ourselves.”
Interdependency
“Having to be independent has been continually reinforced, even in partnership, so it would be refreshing to do things better and differently in a loving relationship.”
Plan Z
“Because the rest of the alphabet imploded.”
(How Will I Know – Sam Smith)
Independence
“As a matter of survival and to be a good mother, it has been necessary. But now it seems highly overrated.”
A Warrior’s Creed
“What’s that they say, ‘Pride goeth before the fall-?’
My pride keeps getting trampled on because of the accident’s fall.
It’s not my fault.
I’m still here.
Trying.”
Sword And Shield
“Today I hit my limit.
I no longer want to swing the sword.
I want to support and have my partner’s back.
I want to be provided for.
I will still contribute and innovate.
But I no longer want to be out here, on my own.”
(The Summoning – Sleep Token)
“Raise me up again.
Take me past the edge.
I want to see the other side.”
—-
(Repost from January 2023)
Poverty
“There is no real immediate accountability required by agencies that make mistakes.
‘Give it time and the system will work itself out, they say.’
Sure!
If I have a monetary buffer to float you, this can work.
If not, you are just chopping apart my enture functionality!”
Fu**ery
“How is it that I am encountering more systems with new methods of gaslighting crazymaking in communications which seem specifically designed to target and further inflame my brain injury?!”
(Re past payments made that got lost in the system)
Dog And Otter
Crow And Hedgehog
Dearlings
Self Talk
“I’m not depressed, I’m just tired.”
—
(Crawls back into bed after untangling sheets and blankets, trying to counter effects of insomnia)
It’s Pretty Cute
“To see the three lined up, side-by-side, with a dog on each end eating a biscuit while the tiger is in the middle, playing with and drinking freshly-poured water.”
Resonant Hues
It was as if their hearts’ passions had been kindled by the same flame, resulting in the same aching soul hunger.
Objects Of Desire
When one in the throws of yearning
Speaks so eloquently of love desired
And another follows him on his path
Wishing he could see that he’s valued
A Modicum Of Silence
“Seems necessary to balance the internalized screaming.”
In Dependence
“Where independence is upheld as one of the highest virtues in the American way, it would sure seem logical to not keep increasing the difficulty to maintain this for so many of its citizens on limited income.”
(Night After Night – Fideles, CamelPhat Remix)
Agency Help
“‘Once in a lifetime’ phrasing somehow does not feel encouraging when one is still in a state of need and recovery.
It’s kind of like being swept onto a dustpan and then1 shaken off outside of the door to a house now closing as you land on your butt, unceremoniously.
Of course, I’m grateful…but also extremely embarrassed.”
“Mistborn”
Zoom center to see dragon emerging from where sun used to be.
Lack & Limitations
“No matter what I do currently, it feels like it isn’t enough – and I am becomimg beleagurred by a sense of panicking desperation.”
(Take Aim – Sleep Token)
Everything
Mother
Lover
Wife
Confidant
Protector
Friend
Savior
Saved
Beloved
Kindred Instinct
At the gathering, she recognized a few had traveled from farther away than was usual.
They ranged around her at distance, nonchalantly mingling with the other visitors naturally – separate, yet together.
It was their behavior that was similar in how they looked at her at different times, and then communicated directly to one who was their leader.
She could sense intention pass between them, as if her ears were selective antennae able to pick up on their rare frequencies discussing their impressions of her.
She couldn’t hear what they conveyed, but their signals seemed generally excited and positive, though wary.
And their shared energetic scent signatures underlying individual character roused the queen in her, causing her blood to quicken.
A younger female approached her early on, asking a polite and friendly question – and she was playfully responsive, dropping her guard while inclusive.
For the attractive males, however, their strong energy caused her leadership instinct to kick in, making her walk around straight-legged with tail puffed, displaying that she was no submissive to be dismissed nor taken advantage of.
Phermones of dominance poured from her in waves as self protective response to their presence, and instead of allowing herself to feel intimidated, she found herself rising to the occasion.
Her body had never reacted this way before, so internally she was flustered where her normal behavior was to blend – yet her instinct had been to show her strength’s worth to gain their approval.
Connection
If need is the same
Heaven has no limits
“Strange”
Wisdom
“Only a wise man would not fear to approach it – yet still, it can be learned.”
Sigma B.S.
“While it is fun to get some side reinforcement where I identify with some of the characteristics, I feel like biting back and saying, ‘how dare you attempt to pigeonhole me!’ – which would likely be seen as Sigma, but much else is just too rigid and thus does not apply to me.”
The Arc
“It has come to my attention that true love does not always come in the form society expects and demands it to be.
And if such is the case, it is dependent upon intention to be successful.”
Candid Corvid Productions 