Candid Corvid Productions

“I know that part of an issue is that sometimes when I see something worrying in a relationship, I get stuck and cannot respond effectively to it.

I think this is residual behavior from having to play possum in unsafe childhood trauma zones, and I have not experienced enough ‘safety’ in partnership to be able to retrain.”

“I think in some ways, this has now become my default as a form of self preservation.”

“You’re a guy…a guy can almost do, be, and look like anything by today’s standards.

If a woman wants to self express, she’s supposed to be some oversexualized stringbean glamour model.”

“I guess what ails me is the fact that I’m injured, after having cared for another person with severe injuries that did not resolve positively, and where I did not get back the love, care, and support that I gave.

Reciprocity was lacking, so as a partner relagated to caregiving, my spirit became drained after decades of disregard.

So here I am, with this constant physical load beleageurment now of my own and a past history of needed love’s lack, so where do I find faith in concept that a man would step up for me when I am struggling to meet my own needs?

There’s a correlation conclusion in my reasoning that sucks away at confidence.

If I was not valued in my valiant youth’s high achieving performances before, then why would I be valued when I’m struggling?

And taking it further, would I still be valued if/as I moved into better recovery and claimed a new version of my prior bright energies’ emitting?

I feel at risk for being loved only for my current diminishment.”

“Maybe if I were with a dedicated man who could and would love me with equal depth and endurant tenacity, I’d have ‘a chance in Hell.'”

“One minute, having hope and running back to champion it – and the next, having it ripped forever from one’s grasp – is beyond tragic, and unforgivable…it’s something worth screaming at the heavens to demand amends for.”

“It’s still f****d that he was taken from me when I had just figured it all out and was on my way to tell him.”

(Early twenties, 1994)

“What I see around me is a tease.

None of it is mine – except what I brought with me and seem to be in process of losing.

I am only allowed to give to others, but rarely receive.”

Sometimes, patience is overrated.

“I’m either all in, or not involved. I don’t understand how people can play only partially. “

“So olllld – ah-ha ha-ha-ha!”

(Society takes ageism way too seriously)

“It’s likely ok that I’m out of faith because I sustained radical positivity for so long that there’s bound to be an accounting.”