Candid Corvid Productions

No…it’s not comforting at 2am in the morning when one’s hair dryer suddenly turns on in the other room – especially when the switch is hard to adjust on or off.

Suuurree, it must have been on edge under tension when I turned it off, initially.

Yeah…that’s it!

(Nervous laughter)

“There’s this concept that partnership can help cushion and positively redirect difficulties.

But my memories of relationship show most of the work of showing up placed upon me.

So in reality, how would partnership benefit when the ideal has no manifesting history?”

“Perhaps there is a type of depression that occurs when one is continually thwarted in accessing their synergy as a result of injuries.

But I was already there for every else’s struggles, helping them to overcome them.

Now, who is helping and nurturing me?

Feeling compromised doesn’t seem just reward for all of my past supporting.

Yet, independence helps give illusion that I am ‘still standing.’

Does all of this reinforce self determination?

Is that why isolation digs in more deeply?”

“It’s like I’m not allowed to have or keep anything that I want.”

Prepping for attending the concert had been a joyous occasion to look forward to.

“It’s not that I can’t see things to do, but that a huge wall of fatigue and deep internal disappointment has caught up with me.

While I have maneuvered difficulties toward directions that can ultimately benefit, it just seems that my drive has shorted.”

“It used to be that I had to wait for others in my family to give them a chance to catch up, but I could often see where they were going and what they needed, so even in going slower, I had a sense of purpose.

But for myself now, it just feels like I’m being held down from performance, and I’m not sure what to pinpoint to clear cobwebs from my perception – which is unusual.

I used to always find a path and reason .”

“‘I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress…’- lyrics I repeat again from a King Crimson song.

You see I’ve lost a lot, and the gains I’ve made – though incredible in their own way – just don’t seem to heal the damage.”

“When we are alone, there is only the self to turn to, seeking ways that we could be and imagining conversations/experiences that we wish we could have with others.”