Candid Corvid Productions

“Cultured” humans are taught that to gain worth we must be constantly moving – constantly producing.

Yet, it is important to stop, sit under the dappled shade of a tree by a river, and just do nothing but watch the scenery.

A result of attachment to outcomes, unfulfilled.

Once one lets go of attachment to prior focus on outcomes, being sick can provide opportunity to catch up on rest and attend to pressing projects that have been waiting in the background.

Did I catch the cold from our snuggling, sneezing cats?

A temporary win over entropy.

Whether dark, in shades of gray, or light – having it is essential to one’s continued survival.

I know I repeat myself.

It is hard to not do so when thematics themselves keep reoccurring.

The point is to move beyond such trivialities – and I keep working at the problems to do so.

But when I keep hitting sinkholes and find myself back where I previously began (over and over again), I have to let myself repeat vocalize as a last ditch effort before at last succumbing to the madness.

They say repetition is the key to success.

Maybe I am succeeding at going crazy.

Nearly all of my few clothes are black.

One shirt has a hole on the side of a breast. One is ripped at the collar. Two are too small and short. Two are large and comfy but attract every dog and cat hair to where I have a fuzzy front when greet people.

Hello, have you seen my sticky wands? I bought two, but cannot find them in this constantly revolving movement between bags, suitcases, lodging, cars, and appointment venues.

Where was I yesterday and where am I going today and tomorrow?

I think I have lost myself in the constant flurry.

Finding potential positives to any negative situation requires effort and an open mind. If one is sick and feeling compromised, this can be challenging.

I find it frustrating and economically challenging when people expose me to their cold, happy to assure that it isn’t Covid.

For the average worker, they are expected to still go in to work, so their pay does not get affected

As a therapist, I am supposed to miss work – which can be financially devastating.

Attempting to be balanced by having a diverse schedule which allows for rest and flexibility is not supported when keeping a roof over one’s head is proportiionately too expensive and work partners are not bringing in clients – leaving the network marketing to me, instead.

I have worked hard to establish a system that works, but carrying it on my own without any guarantees is just not paying – except by what I innovatively put into it weekly.

Adding more official employment diminishes the amount of income I can earn by seeing clients on my own, but potentially brings in better “security.” It also better qualifies to purchase a home because being employed by someone else is what lenders want to see.

I dislike being so squeezed that I feel forced to bend to my knees – limiting my capabilities – when the problem is lack of stable housing.

Where we are, the sun now drops more quickly and it becomes darker earlier than in California.

Yet, it is a more peaceful place: smaller scale – but with more access to desired resources.

I miss the even bathe of light with slighter shifts between seasons. I am definitely a Mediterranean-oriented human.

However, this is a good place to establish a base to call home.

I love you. I just do.

You’re the best that I’ve seen.

You are like me and I believe in you.

I can’t imagine this world without our positive influencing.

We could make an amazing, outstanding team.

Our visions and positioning are better than most can contribute.

Maybe our union isn’t practical when at first assess details.

But for the deepest, best kind of love – we could make room.

There are ways to figure such things out, if two intelligent beings put their minds to it.

Having tried to partner well, only to find that men changed their minds for often arbitrary reasons, she did not feel it was a good gamble to give another man her energy’s time – especially if he was not reciprocative.

They say “misery loves company,” but what I would like to know is can “company” tolerate misery wanting to be overcome – or are people just looking for easy wins without helping each other to grow stronger?

When you are paying more than you should, it is better to think of an amount of this equals an amount of something else.

Do not think about the “waste” that is occurring – otherwise you will inflame into migrained vexation.

(See image of me, currently.)

Look for the little reliefs, for despite best efforts, this is all you can hope for at best.

Rejoice that you got the garbage out of the car and eliminated whatever mystery was creating a stench of rotting.

“It’s the little things that count…”

I fecking hate that all my efforts are diminished to little consequence.

There is no getting ahead – only barely treading water.

For this, I am supposed to be grateful.

“Please, Sir, may I have another?”

(Movie “Oliver” quote.)

RAAAAARRGH!!!

10pm laundry runs and angst-driven cats, demanding.

F**k!

Her mind kept broadcasting distress, loss, and longing, so used to being trapped in isolation and cut off from her own kind that it was as if she were erratically yell-jibbering as his headache pounded from receiving the force of her need’s energy.

I only get stronger – even when initially weakened by pressure’s heat.