Given warning, all she could do was keep trying and watch the slide-downward-effect increase its slant as time accelerated to culminate in their launch into the Unknown’s abyss.
Trickle Down Effect
Love and pain in Death’s war over the living:
Sacrificial crucifiction by taking – not giving.
Condemning, instead of repairing;
Suffocating, instead of breathing.
Open palms pressed onto forehead
Keep inner turmoil from screaming.
Street-Wise
“If I’m gonna die on the streets, I’ll do it my way.”
Idiocy
As I maneuvered the moving truck, I waited until the right was clear before merging – yet, some guy came barrelling up behind me, throwing a fit at me for getting in his way by honking extremely.
Of course, I slowed down further, not knowing what he planned to do with his volatility as he swerved wildly around behind me and decided he would speed past me on the right and then slow down in front of me.
Clearly, he wanted to make me angry and acknowledge how big he was for getting back at me. He wanted to engage me in the drama of his jacked-uppery.
So, I just leaned back and gestured big and bright as I kissed my hands to him and called, “I love you! I love you! I love you!” And, I kept smiling.
He hated that and needed to escalate further, so would speed up, then slow down, and finally put on his left turn signal, impatiently having to wait for other cars to pass to get into position.
Then, he slowed down with the passenger’s side open and lined up with me as I carefully eased by while his white girlfriend in the passenger’s seat stared glued to her phone in front of her, trying to not be seen.
Smiling with white-flashing teeth like the leaned-out pimp he was, he threw a crushed and sharp-disked can at me with an arced precision that let you know he had practiced this back home on the streets of his hood – and that he could “cut you good.”
It missed my window by not much and hard-crack-thunked into the cab wall next to it, but I kept smiling because he’d taken his shot – and I threw more big kisses while again shouting big and bold,”I love you! I love you! I love you!”
(Omega Point – Apex)
I Refuse
I will not descend to emotional games other people play. They are wasteful, outdated, and turn blue skies to gray.
Held In Check
She just wanted to blast, “Stay away from me – and get off of my property!” To the landlord’s continuous gay frolicking outside with the workmen as they spread their mess and noise above and all around her in the final days that her family had.
Compromise
Because “forgiveness” in Christianity is often paired with “turning the other cheek” (so you get smacked again), I do not necessarily forgive – but, I acknowledge.
Proclivities
For a moment, I was grateful that I could not remember previous associations that had kept me hypervigilant.
I had been sucked down the rabbit hole of internal terror when that sorcerer from another dimension managed again to capture my attention.
His thrall was something I could not easily look away from: I had to allow myself to be drawn through the eye of a needle, down into and through that blackhole of obsolescence as I nearly lost my identity.
It’s how he has had some power over me, you see? He has been there for a while, terrorizing my sanctity. Such a small, shallow soul full of spiteful enmity, laughing at my struggling to keep in the light while he’d undermine me.
Yet, as I braced into the fear and turned toward it as I began suffocating, the gravity well compressed me inward and I lost track of time and what has beleagered me.
Such inconsequence these other mortals cling to that has entrapped me. I must endeavor with greater purpose to set my self free of societal misperceiving.
Happiness
It helps that I am taking things into my own hands and getting us out of other peoples’toxic, fear-based paradigms.
Opportunism
After a long day in her hiking boots (even working out at the gym wearing them), she had kicked them off and gone barefoot late in the evening, and they had had sweat on them.
So tired that she did not shower, she lay down and tried to calm her system, only to realize she had four small bites on her feet, itch-flaring with pain-filled sensation.
Mosquitos are like scammers, bad politicians, and conmen still addicted to chemicals: they’re always seeking opportunity; like landlords and mechanics who try to negatively leverage their own security.
Assertion
She couldn’t sleep well last night – in fact, she was still shaking with adrenaline. She could not stop the physical reaction when feeling endangered as every cell screamed “Take it to the mattresses!”
So after investigating her rights and options, she weighed what it would take to resolve the issue positively vs. what to do if “worse came to worse,” and then called the mechanic.
She told him in a pleasantly inclusive but firm and calm voice that she would be picking up her car at the original price agreement, and that they could then discuss the next phase because they worked better together in person.
Getting off the phone, she reflected he had been wary, but receptive. Her body continued shaking uncontrollably at this next level need for taking command over her own emotions and another’s fear-based projections.
“Fuscia”
“Patio Delight”
Can’t Sleep
Yeah, ever since the car issue this afternoon and us realizing our cat’s system is no longer regulating, my system’s just gone into high alert.
Stacked Deck
Our cat’s seizures have suddenly increased.
Revisited Themes
Didn’t I jist deal with the whole housing, car, betrayal thing? What is needed to get real resolution?
No Way Out
The line of data points string up tight where clemency of extended time and good will’s kept promises denied thrust lymbic system back into hyperreaction.
Is It True?
You look better than you are:
There’s no driver, but the car.
Though I’d put in the effort,
You’d abandon in the desert;
In reviewing love’s case
There’s too much waste –
And rarely do two
Match time’s pace.
(She Never Tells Me – Phantoms)
The Embrace – A Love Story (Comedic Relief Included, Script Pending)
(Shake – Zedd’s Dead ft. Jauz)
(Body Movin’ – Beastie Boys – Fatboy Slim Remix)
Slippery Grip
Trying to train her body to get out of fight-flight-freeze mode was especially difficult when about to lose housing and now having her mechanic try to fenagle out of their deal to get her car back. Sometimes, being nice was just not worth it.
(String Theory – Apex)
“Today’s Bloom”
It looks like it ought to and even does have a lovely, subtle-sweet scent!
Snapshot
Rocking out to “You May Be Right” turned up too loud so I can hear it while still wearing ear plugs so I don’t hear so intensely the dogs whining and cat yowling for breakfast because they see I have arisen.
(You May Be Right – Billy Joel)
What Makes A Good Day?
If you are under deep duress, is it things going your way? Or if you have a list of things to do, does finishing give “hooray?”
Humility
“God, why has my path led me time and again so close to the edge of failing when I have dedicated my life to propagating good works and healing?”
Mentally scuffing her hiking-booted foot against the graveled pavement, she reigned in anger but allowed out the frustration as she geared up for another day of laborious solo moving.
Community
It seems that the help of agency strangers can at times be counted on when in a great time of need, rather than the people one has worked to develop good relationships with. I am grateful for these “angels” helping to gift us wings to bridge the chasms. It is in such times having “paid it forward” returns to give reprieve’s sanctuary.
(LongMa, Taiwanese Folk Metal – Nini Music)
(Purple People Eater – Sheb Wooley)
How Do I?
I had such bravado, up until covid decimated any chances of my fiance and I salvaging our marrying. I look back now and though a part of me still loves him, I don’t want to try again.
What happened over the three years and how it ended is just not something I want to get close to again. And at this point, I am not sure how to regain my confidence to join with a partner.
Blessed Relief
To have showered after the sticky and sweat of a 95 degree moving day.
Honor
Even though I am often on the losing side, I still choose to uphold morality – despite the lack of it in others
(Tenderness – General Public)
(Sweet Surrender – Sara Mc Lachlan)
Data Points
My focus has been about survival since 2011 and keeping everyone safe and well. Being on low income for so long, we have had the grace of youth on our side for the pets. But they have grown to be older and are beginning to need more resources to keep and maintain their health.
I rarely get a chance to settle down and enjoy their company. Life for me has been a state of constant distress: I work, run errands, do paperwork, chase loose odds and ends. I have fought to keep our family united, but I wonder now if I need more help.
Pressure
We have many pets. They are our family members. It is difficult to find a place that will allow so many, and hard to reconcile being homeless to keep caring for them.
For The First Time
Last year’s young star jasmines and white gardenias are fragrantly blooming outside my open window as a cool breeze enters to relieve heat’s stuffiness and a mourning dove coos its sweet consolation.
Bewildered
My life’s purpose seems to get repeatedly conscripted by the need for survival on life’s choppy seas.
It Begins
The countdown begins today, a day before the first of August.
I know that it is extra expense to rent a truck more than once, but it is better for me to take apart our established mode in layers.
Maybe it will help ease the panic. Certainly it allows me to take this in stages and get acclimated.
It also spreads out the intensity of labor so I can better manage the load and still attend to clients.
Movie Pick: You’ve Got Mail
Word Of The Day: Disassembling
Taking (something) apart.
Translating (a program) from machine code into a higher-level programming language.
(From Oxford Languages.)
Plagued
She did not consider herself an anxious person, but in these recent years, faith was harder to come by as she experienced tyranny after tyranny.
One-sided
When people are disallowed from working to find common ground, the result is loss at the hands of a user.
Rejection
She didn’t feel good about returning to the house.
The questions of why plagued her, tearing calm apart, twisting knots in her abdomen that clenched and would not stop.
To be ejected without a reason and left pondering how she could have prevented was more cruel than straight-up criticism right from the start.
Morning Reprieve
Many elements played their part throughout the night to lead to the coalescence upon one moment of arrival where she had arranged for the renowned instructor to teach students elegant skills of esteemed etiquette-leisure equestrianism.
Somehow she had maneuvered herself into the position of attending and riding a worthy steed and was scanning tomorrow’s details within the program when he happened by her table, laughing with professional collegues.
As he paused to take a breath before further speaking, her enthusiasm bubbled over – seizing the moment to ask him if he knew of the class and if he would be attending. He was considering the concept before her dream ended…
Spinning
The pieces of variance began to move in different directions, planned by enacting yet taking off onto their predilections. It was hard to keep track of them as worry lines creased her brow, unsure if she was timing it all right with little control of the whens or hows. All she could do was set everything into motion and revisit each grouping to its completion, following the flow through the wormhole.
Candid Corvid Productions 