In the end, he had given up hope for humanity. Despair had let the cancer eat away at him. He had nothing left to say to his granddaughter as he wither-shrank, once robust and so full of love.
“Scattered Pink”
Being Thick
On her own, she affected a solid stance; a slow, purposeful stride of command; an air of easy dominance sitting back with one arm outstretched over the top of a bench.
In a predator vs. prey environment, confidence prevents a lone wolf being tested for weakness.
“Golden Kiss”
(Paradigm – Bad Computer ft. Karra – Monstercat Release)
Prepping For The Worst
Life has shown me that the good times don’t come easily. Usually, I have to wade through a dangerous, boggy swamp to get to new Utopia’s.
Hahaha – I Am On My Way!
Angel number 1225 tells you that you have done everything right in your life and that the angels are proud of you. You are on the right path to become a good and successful man and therefore remain as you are now.
https://angelnumbersmeaning.com › …
(I did not know that I aspired to be a man…!)
Gathering For The Storm
They look at me and say that I have procrastinated – but, no.
I have understood what this move would require and how it could fragment what I have carefully crafted.
Now becomes the time for action, where before results would not have brought satisfaction.
A Year Later
We are here now, and though we may be without a home again, we are further along our path and in a better city.
I pass an already homeless woman carrying and pulling her bags, weary from traveling in the heat under burden of heavy clothing. Her hair is up in a wisping bun and her eyes are laced with bedraggled worry.
The differences between she and I are few and many: superficial – like I have showered recently – but the angst runs parallel and blurry.
Dignity
The ability to see more than one side to any situation and to not lash out at others for one’s travails.
I did not say it was easy…(rueful chuckle – feck!)
Careful Wending
I pick up the messages that seem good and analyze, then recycle the rest – planning for a future of better prospects.
11:22 – A Shared Life Purpose
The angel number 1122 is composed of the Master Numbers 11 and 22. This indicates a spiritual elevation that runs through the life of both twin flames. Angel number 1122 is alerting both of you that you are ready to manifest a noble life purpose that will benefit you both and all those around you.
twinflameguides.medium.com
The Housing Crisis
A friend informed me yesterday in response to my sharing with him that we might be homeless again that corporations are buying up all of the housing properties
Rather than reacting to his words with the well- cultivated panic induced by those in charge of the continued demise of humanity, I replied with a stoic, “Ah…dystopian.”
The Choice To Stand And Fight
“Taking the pill erases your memories, dulls tbe pain, and lets you ‘start over again.’ Without it, have fun swimming in your broken paradigms.”
I have not regretted taking the alternative path away from medications – only that I have not met many others as determined, so the “still aware” seem a minority.
“Easy Breeze”
“Reclining Duchess And Her Petitioners”
Zoom in…
“Petitioners”
“Reclining Duchess”
Growing Pains
I get impatient and caustic with myself – as if I am to blame for what has been done to me. It is vexing to be operating at only partial capacity.
I should be happy and satisfied by how much I have accessed and utilized; of how mindful and attentive I have been in all things; of how much I have created against such odds.
But society – and unfortunately, available “life mates” – have been brainwashed to disregard the greatness of such accomplishments.
And if a prime directive within me is to claim love for fulfilling my destiny, well…the options and opportunities available do not seem favorable.
I am not like any of the other candidates: there’s been a glitch in my system.
I am proud of it at times, but I am still learning to own it – and I must defend, not trade it in for a pipe dream.
Delayed Emergence
There is danger in reunifying pieces of a rifted consciousness, for in doing so, each may suddenly download an onslought of past sensate-emotional experiences that the other aspects have no seemless ability to process.
The concept being that a once-unified identity having taken many head-shot blasts is barely clinging to sense of its own defining. If pieces just rejoin willy-nilly, there’s apt to be a lot of pain with uncontrolled screaming.
Kicking At The Waves
Soul Mates, Twin Flames, Love Matches – it was all a game for thought’s mainframe to become haywired!
The reality she faced was bachelorette loneliness drinking cool replenishment of thick mango juice straight from the fridge and warmed-up leftover Chipotle remnants.
Responsibilities of ensuring the plants, humans, animals, and stuff all had a place to be during the next bridging transition was not “attractive.”
Guys wanted those plastic, simpering doll faces that changed their appearances every day to keep their inner thighs elastic!
Alien-nation
As the so much younger man went on with manic stars in his eyes, he spoke of his dream of feeling inclusiveness at his own wedding, where the men separated from the women, and each gender had their own party after the initial ceremony of life union.
He spoke of family and community rebonding that was shared and magnified at such events: how the brides were dressed beautifully and revered; how there was dancing and so much laughter; how a money tree was lavished upon for the honeymooners to enjoy and have solid financial footing for the start of their journey.
And the more he spoke of his desire to ride sitting high on the top crest of a convertible’s back seating, smiling and waving while the caravan of beeping ceremony attendants wove their ways through shouting, happy responses from downtown anonymous well-wishers, the more her heart became burdened.
Every aspect he mentioned by default was excluding her: she was older, unknown, and a foreigner. She would be seen as a “cradle-robbing interloper” depriving one of their younger daughters of the opportunity. In fact, hadn’t she already been married and had a family?
As the immaturity of his youth’s doubt tore apart her maturity’s valid worth in standing, heavy shame was cast over her heart’s connection with him, cutting her off from the source of love’s joy and prosperity – relegating her to the view of a sallow future frought with others’ biased judgments and consternations.
Love’s Truth
I know you like I know the back of my own hand; like I know a cool summer breeze’s kiss after the heat’s brand; like I know the will of time continues to withstand. And yet, you still remain a mystery.
Mismatched Agendas
They wanted to assert themselves while folding into what others made of them.
She realized that there was no sanctuary in being a puppet for narcisism’s training.
(Nanox – Singularity)
(Inner Space – Apex)
Master Plan
I have been designing a schedule that will accomodate work traveling. My goal is to collaborate with people who have altruistic tendencies and that have the power to help me propagate my therapy’s benefits.
Principle
I stick with something that is worth investment – even if it doesn’t pay out monetarily.
The Exchange
As the little girl lay on her back, terrified and frozen into catatonia, she cast wide and delved deep into her imagination, projecting hard and calling the woman warrior she would someday become to arrive and protect her spirit.
In the realm of the unseen, two phases of mind crossed time’s boundaries and she was given the strength to endure, though the fortification jarred her out of being able to act naturally as a child again.
Through the years and layers of assault as she grew, she’d come back to consciousness of herself after enforced hypnosis and periods of waking coma, feeling as if pieces of her were still missing.
Until one day after she matured beyond half of a century, the older her turned to look backward and opened her arms to welcome the child self who had escaped through that first portal to reunite with her.
(Forevermore – Yuna)
Out Of Breath
She was not sure she’d make it:
Lately she felt like she was dying.
There are only so many times that
A life can go through same traumas.
It felt like she couldn’t keep up the fight:
She was too bone weary from struggling.
The numbers kept advising her to pray,
But she didn’t really understand how to –
And every poser presenting truth’s ritual
Had been found flawed in their character.
Waking Nightmares
Knowing she was edging up close again to the abyss and remembering how hard it was the last times, she could not look away and could feel the pull of its gravity – but began fighting hypnosis to recognize that this time was not the same as then.
(In The Twilight – Phalaeh)
Unobtainable
She began to suspect she had a penchant for desiring that which was.
(Fun with multiple meanings…)
(Save The World – Swedish House Mafia – Zedd Remix)
“Idalia”
“Dancing Dragon”
“Cascade”
(Let The Sky Fall Down – Mr. FijiWiji)
The Great Divide
To walk a unique path means that you do not match others nor fit predefinitions.
It can mean you are at risk for not belonging and may even experience repeated homelessness.
It can also bring great rewards because you might be a groundbreaking innovator.
It’s just a matter of time before the pendulum swings your way after long and arduous journeys.
I am ready and waiting for such positive yield that’s been debating.
Autonomy
I prize collaborations where I have space to contribute my way.
Disbandment
The cats must go there.
The plants must go there.
Our stuff must go there.
We and the dogs go there.
Floating like rif-taf on the sea.
(If I Could Be Where You Are – Enya)
Avoiding Disaster
I take risks in writing here, unsure what other people will think of me.
Doing so provides a sense of comfort in that I am chronicling my growth and striving so that I can see and acknowledge my efforts – yet, it also adds a unique level of anxiety which I must make sure balances to gain by benefits.
I also write here because I never want to again experience a lifetime invested relationship that just gets corrupted and crumbles into nothing.
Entropy was allowed to win over truth and light’s decree: to avoid this, my partner must better know me.
Instinctual Memory
Being on campus for receiving physical therapy, it strikes me how close I am to such parallel realities which could see me back in school again, further pursuing dreams.
But, to cross over into these scenes requires that the rewards must be greater than the efforts – as I just cannot afford to misplace my time and energy to any growth that is less than worthy.
Recalibrating
There is an ageist belief that at 50 the body just begins breaking down, heading toward decay.
But, I do not think this is what is going on with me: it’s more like battle-weary muscle torsions and chemicals still carried in the system are weighing on me.
If I can figure out how to get a clear path of integral internal smooth functioning again, I believe the rest of a needed purge will just follow.
It takes an understanding of what brought me to this condition, and a willingness to let go of it – to the point of adapting my internal matrices.
Self Redefining
Some people have “their ducks in a row,” yet I find that I am still finding my way.
Paradigm Shift
I will find the exceptions:
I am going to be The One
Despite negativity’s evidence
Begging to maintain attention.
I do not need to get into wars, anymore:
It’s time to merge dark and light into one.
I must surround myself with the influences
Where positivity wins before strife’s begun.
The State Of Things
I was sharing with a fellow professional how it feels like my life is one of disparity, where I give good to others externally but am sloshing about through the bad, personally.
She told me that she has been hearing this as a common theme recently from many others who give so much to society.
She blamed it on “late stage Capitalism,” but worldwide there is much of this same tyranny where healthcare providers cannot afford nor obtain housing stability.
Candid Corvid Productions 