There actually IS a limit to what my mind can endure over what matters.
(Play on phrase, “mind over matter”)
“Fifty Year Mark”
I guess faith that a good man would be here for me longterm is just something I no longer have to extend, having given it to my marriage, then to my fiance – and then to the unknown identity person who recently took advantage of me.
Will I ever get it back? This is something that perplexes me.
I am not used to my optimism being less than empty.
(Daily Bird Show)
(I love watching their patterns flow and evolve.)
Do I Want To Be Like Them?
Women are told they should “doll themselves up” – basically alter how they look with artifice, reshaping, and color.
Men are told to strengthen and enhance what they already have – and to unapologetically expose it from cover.
I actually have excellent self esteem.
It’s just that in current society, I know that it isn’t considered attractive to not promote an already acceptible thematic.
So, I guess when I see natural pictures of myself, my mind layers on the criticism from what it thinks other people would think of what I can see.
Is this a leftover survival coping mechanism geared toward outmaneuvering abusive adults too quick to react with displeasure at me when I was a child?
Or is it because I dared to love a man younger than me, and once I turned 50, all this prebiased societal messaging began bombarding my psychology environmentally?
It is difficult for me to establish new ground to stand upon becsuse I do not see anyone around quite like me facing my realities.
The pressure to conform feels daunting, and I am unique in my own proclivities.
Still, ageism may yield hidden benefits.
Working The Angst (The End/Undead)
(Wanderlust – AK)
Always The Healer
Stepping back and letting the rest of the world vie for resources so they can address their own crisis.
Flogging Myself
We have ants coming into our bathroom and my pants with belt were on the floor, so I gave them a good whip-crack to dislodge any ants that may have climbed onto them.
Now I have a red welt mark on my left inner thigh from the belt buckle.
Apparently, I am still learning my own “Strength In Power” capabilities.
(Is this last quoted texr now a TM? Lol.)
Tip ‘O The Hat To A Fraud
Having exchanged pictures, I now have “before” and “progressing” views showing me that my muscle toning efforts are coming along nicely.
“Honorable Mention”
My puppy ate my new undergarments…how can I not laugh at the absurdity?
Straightforward
They say to mask and hide what we feel and need.
But, if we do this, how can solutions find us?
Non-Comp Clause
I will still show up, but I won’t compete.
Don’t Get Me Wrong
I am still swinging away and hacking at the vines…just not as quickly and effectively.
Continuum
Taxes will be late if I do not complete them.
I likely can’t get back UI money lost – unless I sue them.
While timeline to collect on a patient’s claim is expiring, getting our cars registered and mine at last towed off my parents’ property for closure has become priority.
Classes I have paid for are lapsing – but, the mountains I keep climbing are very tiring.
Even when it was “worse,” I still fought to keep up.
Now I’m just wiped: Enough is Enough!
(Out In The Ocean)
A fun, quippy song.
Alliance
I would like to partner with like minds who believe along lines as I do.
Yet, if they remain unreachable, there’s nothing much more to pursue.
(Too Deep – Official Video)
(Luna Elle: Too Deep – In Studio Performance Clip)
I love how she just looks natural and candid here.
Attempts To Bridge
All of my efforts seem to have been thwarted, including intro and resume letters being sent back as “undeliverable as addressed” after being slit-on-sides open.
I know that “The Best of The Best” praise the concept of “keep trying” (which has always been my motto) – but, honestly, I feel rended apart as if at the cusp of a blackhole’s tidal forces, making my allegiences feel divided.
If there were a way to have my family nearby and accessible so that I could still tend to and nourish them while I participate in my greatest dreams, this would be my ideal solution.
But, to choose either/or when we are still just now recovering seems foolhardy – especially when my every attempt to bridge is being deflected.
Night Skates In Medellin – Serene Flow
I would love to do this (after much practice).
“Shadow Fairy”
Can you see her? She is facing the twig.
“The Real Deal”
I may not be an idealic fantasy, but I am a genuine friend.
(Out Of My Legue)
My Photography
The fact that my pictures come out as well as they do is “nothing short of a miracle” as my outdated phone offers no consistency and even now resists focusing.
What would my captured images be like if I had excellent tech with adjustable detail and day-to-night lighting options?
“Sequence”
“A Place To Rest”
“Shadow Play”
Today’s Joy
While speaking with my best childhood friend and going through broken down boxes, I found my car title which has eluded for 5 years or more and began transferring stuff to new boxes so new associations take place over old.
Then, I got to speak with my eldest and grandchild, and then spent time with youngesr while making banana pancakes and chicken marsala to finish up a lovely stay-at-home day.
(Handclap)
Pretty Version (Lovefool)
Geralt Of Rivia – Protector Of Destiny (The Witcher Netflix Series)
Evening Movie Pick: Serendipity
(All The Way For You)
It would be great to learn the guitar to this!
Loss In The Gains
In February, I thought I was speaking with quite literally the man of my dreams. The one I keep having dreams about as if by “a sending.”
I was ecstatically happy and felt at first supported, which inspired me to create a variety of songs as our comraderie comported.
But then, having found out that “his” side was a lie, I feel deflated, disuaded…I cannot even cry.
Six Words To Say Every Morning And When Doubt
“GOOD THINGS ARE COMING MY WAY.”
From The Law Of Attraction Solutions (Fun, supportive people)
“Burnished”
An Epic Life
If it isn’t going to come to me, I must create it.
Signs And Symbols
I am told that love is coming, but when I look there’s nobody there.
I cannot let go of my purpose – or else there is nothing left to compare.
(The Way You Move)
(The Battle Of Devas)
What I Can Do
Be a “Goddess” and Rock my Independence.
Creating Success
I will begin branching out, looking to support theatre and film crews while I apply to work for select individuals in addition to my current job.
Where I Am Now
A red ray light, floor-to-ceiling body capsule with a vibrational base plate reminds me that I still have a few new tricks up my sleeve.
Although, contrary to common belief, it may not actually be good to use it these last two days in a row – so my brazed skin and heavily vibrated organs report back to me.
I am planning to take an acting class in the next couple of weeks, but only plan to audit it because I want the live exposure-to-concepts put into application, but currently cannot take on any more home workload.
We are in a place we had hoped to find upon moving to this state over three years ago, and yet, I am struggling to muster any sense of internal excitement.
It is like arriving back to the party venue long after the joyous event is over, carrying the fatigue of having been everyone’s safe driver for the evening.
Weary
I got pretty good at navigating agencies – whether educational, community, or governmental.
It’s just that without my core family, and barely hanging on by a thread prolongedly, the desire to keep pushing boulders up a hill has left me.
“Celestial Beings”
“Another World”
(Keeper)
“Always The Sun”
Media Entitlement
Performance actors have been told that they belong to the public, their fans, etc.
Perhaps the works they have created might affect attachment and “brand” allegiance
However, the artists themselves deserve their claims to privacy and personal choice expressions – just like the rest of us.
Candid Corvid Productions 