Category: A Woman’s Plight

She slipped and scoffed at him
That burning hell-hole of angst

Pouring lavish resentment
Into stewed remains of love

Something she’d never have done
No matter what anyone did to her

But the sick, thick, twisted irony
Kept choking – corrupting senses

As witnessed generation patterns
Acid-pouring on purity’s memory

So she lashed out in a short burst
Because he had untrained her dog

Who was too big to be jumping up
And now had adopted anarchy in

The name of another’s propagation
Passive-aggressively unraveling all

And she clipped that it was his fault
The thick skull had cracked his tooth

Ashamed that she had degenerated
Unable to restrain responding rage

I’d gone on a quest
To find a male spirit

I could bond with
To replace my ex

And found him
In a crossbreed

His feathery, lanky hair
Sifted between fingers

Cascading beautifully
In strength reassuring

Warmth in his kind eyes
Laughed adventurously

I’d forgotten there was
A pair of hazel worthy

I showed him that there
Was more to life’s living

He helped me feel that
I was worth everything

Yet I knew that if I
Loved him as I felt

I might seal that door
To my own partnering

And so we grew distant
Until he chased a sheep

And I had to
Rehome him

We don’t speak often
Of how our hearts ache

And of the other one
Who passed as kitten

Afraid of stinging
Burns of rejection

Vulnerability is brief
In allowed exposures

They say she has more wisdom
She is more mature than before

But I have had these qualities all along
The dfference now is I am a bit tougher

Her kitchen was a mess – and she needed cookies.

(Title play)

What if she was wrong, again?

“I was left as if I was the problem.”

“As I slowly emerged from deep sleeping, I awoke to find myself and my children entangled in others’ nightmares of a life only slightly worth living.

When a sleeper awakens and begins fighting for others and protecting them in hostile territory, there is rarely forgiving.”

“I used to value and enjoy them until I repeatedly experienced people I needed to show up for me using them as escapism.”

I was breaking away for the first time
Staying often alone at parents’ house

Carefully opening wings in heat of sun
Wheelbarrow-spreading their shavings

I loved the feel of simple manual labor
Muscles flexing while tied with nature

In the evening I dyed my hair black
Put on makeup and went dancing

At Goth night after driving to S.F.
Along 280 scenic contrasting 101

I always loved going into The City
Lured by the underground hidden

Had my first and only meetup event
Proud of such brave disappointment

I was trying to break new ground to
Become something freshly different

Met my ex-fiance online during
Later strove to create our future

Sometimes it’s like I’m just spinning circles
All that time and effort looping atonement

It became clear that with more being foisted upon her, she was again having to manage too many things.

“I just don’t want to have to be hypervigilant anymore – the only one who’s wide awake; the only one who gets these deeper truths and is willing to stand up and fight for them.

I accommodate.

Period.

It’s worse than an addiction because it is ingrained.

I am built to love – not to polive anybody.

But then, I end up having to be the warrior.”

“I am not sure who I can be my best self with.”

“He who wants the rose must respect the thorn.”

But what if the rose is embarassed by its thorns?

What if it doesn’t want to have thorns?

And what if this makes the rose even more bristly in its own srlf defense so that its thorns just keep growing thicker and thicker around it so that it can hide itself from any potential external judgements?

I mean, really…Who’s gonna love a rose for its thorns?”

“I wonder if worry will ever leave from around my eyes…but maybe this is what life is all about.”

“I like myself and feel attractive, but don’t have confidence about others’ opinions regarding.”

She did not really understand
Her mother’s love expression

Why wouldn’t she be supportive
Of the fiance making her happy?

How could she feel justified
Dismissing him offhandedly?

She claimed it was because
He was too young essentially

Sometimes the daughter thought
The root cause as type of jealousy

One thing for sure had been true
The younger man had weakened

Limited in navigation experience
He caved in to societal pounding

Which ultimately such pressures
Had him choose to break promise

Her mother had been laughing
Haughtily scathingly righteous

To learn that her rejection had
Crushed her daughter’s suitor

I swear, sometimes it’s needed
That ego gets a hard checking

When it comes to protecting
The sacred bond of couples

“How do we function in ‘normal’ life when hopes and dreams have become scattered?”

When they had finished
She lay in his arms briefly

Then suddenly began
Getting up as programmed

Because she had learned that
Hypervigilance was the only survival

Mechanism she could depend on
And distance if wanted to keep a man

“Shhh, come back to bed,” he said
Sure arms wrapping to cage her gently

And she yielded gratefully
But couldn’t help twitching

Like an injured bird afraid
Of love’s healing hands

“I have asked of men for their truest love, and none have given me the answer.”

No longer could she camouflage
By hiding in daylight her status

For the betrothel ring
She’d bought herself

To bide years alone
Today lost its stone

“I’ve always been ‘all-in.'”

“I dreamed I was pregnant again, far enough in to where people could notice.

I could feel “her” little foot pushing out from  my left inside, and body stretching in my right.

It’s a glorious feeling to be a mother…to be providing a loving “home” for a little one.

And still soul grueling to be without my life mate to feed my heart’s fire.”

“With the pressures squeezing down like a vise, my personal behavior here may become erratic this month and beyond.

Let’s just say, ‘I’m screaming inside.'”