Category: A Woman’s Plight

“I just don’t want to have to be hypervigilant anymore – the only one who’s wide awake; the only one who gets these deeper truths and is willing to stand up and fight for them.

I accommodate.

Period.

It’s worse than an addiction because it is ingrained.

I am built to love – not to polive anybody.

But then, I end up having to be the warrior.”

“I am not sure who I can be my best self with.”

“He who wants the rose must respect the thorn.”

But what if the rose is embarassed by its thorns?

What if it doesn’t want to have thorns?

And what if this makes the rose even more bristly in its own srlf defense so that its thorns just keep growing thicker and thicker around it so that it can hide itself from any potential external judgements?

I mean, really…Who’s gonna love a rose for its thorns?”

“I wonder if worry will ever leave from around my eyes…but maybe this is what life is all about.”

“I like myself and feel attractive, but don’t have confidence about others’ opinions regarding.”

She did not really understand
Her mother’s love expression

Why wouldn’t she be supportive
Of the fiance making her happy?

How could she feel justified
Dismissing him offhandedly?

She claimed it was because
He was too young essentially

Sometimes the daughter thought
The root cause as type of jealousy

One thing for sure had been true
The younger man had weakened

Limited in navigation experience
He caved in to societal pounding

Which ultimately such pressures
Had him choose to break promise

Her mother had been laughing
Haughtily scathingly righteous

To learn that her rejection had
Crushed her daughter’s suitor

I swear, sometimes it’s needed
That ego gets a hard checking

When it comes to protecting
The sacred bond of couples

“How do we function in ‘normal’ life when hopes and dreams have become scattered?”

When they had finished
She lay in his arms briefly

Then suddenly began
Getting up as programmed

Because she had learned that
Hypervigilance was the only survival

Mechanism she could depend on
And distance if wanted to keep a man

“Shhh, come back to bed,” he said
Sure arms wrapping to cage her gently

And she yielded gratefully
But couldn’t help twitching

Like an injured bird afraid
Of love’s healing hands

“I have asked of men for their truest love, and none have given me the answer.”

No longer could she camouflage
By hiding in daylight her status

For the betrothel ring
She’d bought herself

To bide years alone
Today lost its stone

“I’ve always been ‘all-in.'”

“I dreamed I was pregnant again, far enough in to where people could notice.

I could feel “her” little foot pushing out from  my left inside, and body stretching in my right.

It’s a glorious feeling to be a mother…to be providing a loving “home” for a little one.

And still soul grueling to be without my life mate to feed my heart’s fire.”

“With the pressures squeezing down like a vise, my personal behavior here may become erratic this month and beyond.

Let’s just say, ‘I’m screaming inside.'”

“Risking to love again takes bravery to a whole new level.”

“Finding out that you’ve been lied to in the most horrendous ways when it is too late to attempt to salvage the relationship.”

I’m not sure anymore
What makes one good

Is it sharing the same dreams or
The feeling of being understood?

Is it only transitory
Transactionality?

Is it bonding of the heart
Or all just a mind’s game?

“I look around at what I have been, what I am, and what I am creating.

I still have amazing capacities to love and nourish, but I can no longer afford to give of my heart without it being reciprocated.

I can give to children, community, friends, and relatives, but my partnership…this is something sacred.”

“I have worked hard for, advocated for, and chased love.

It’s time that it courts me.”

“A man I love and admire grows farther away from me.

One I glimpse almost daily, it seems will never approach me.

And the one who wants contact only wants an occasional piece of me.”

Here comes another “insurmountable” deadline.

She had to realize that this was her life, now.

One struggle to survive after another.

“I need things, too.”

“I need lots of ‘yes’ signals in my life as I am battling too much pain and resistance toward overcoming trials and achieving success.

I am just tired.

Period.

I need positive, easy reinforcements.”

“It’s important because it helps us dream dreams to overcome the falseness of ‘reality.'”

“I am on my own.”

For feminine to yield
Male must amend.

Standing and fighting for the little patches of ground upon which she stood had become her instinctual default.

She didn’t know how to loosen her grip and trust any other process without a trusted partner’s help and guidance.

She needed him to reach for her, take her hands, and help awaken her from slumber.

“For as much as we might yearn for this, we have been dissuaded by acculturation.”

Sometimes it was as if he could read her mind and they shared a soul connection.

“I gave…

And gave…

And then gave more…

Now, it’s my turn to receive.”