When she drove past the masjid, she often felt betrayed by how she had really been treated.
But then she remembered the day that she prayed to their version, and was reclaimed by a panther’s spirit.
When she drove past the masjid, she often felt betrayed by how she had really been treated.
But then she remembered the day that she prayed to their version, and was reclaimed by a panther’s spirit.
“My face does not usually get pimples because I keep my system in good regulation.
One on my chin certifies fumes’ constant exposure.”
“The scent of flowers blooming conveys the rich mystery of life’s love, still waiting…”
“Do you want your life to get better?
Then get off your a** and make it better.
Already doing that and ‘sh** out of luck?’
File your complaints, push back – and then, again – get off your a** and do something about it.”
“Wait a minute…
No –
Fu** this.”
“It tells me that I must rehome the animals.
But I know how we got here, so the armor must be redonned.
No matter the weight nor how I wished to stop fighting.
The cortisol rush comes flooding again as my body gets even thicker with more density.
I must learn to welcome it, for my life is not getting ‘better.'”
“When the wolf barks, it shocks my heart.
When the hound whines, it causes anxiety.
When the cat yowls, I am told it’s not enough.”
A hollowed distance kept her vigilance.
She needed more – but had to keep giving more, instead, carving out and bleeding dry vital internal space that was meant to give and receive loving, but now knew only how to give while sealing up to shore inwardly breaking walls against total collapsing.
For why basic survival keeps demanding more, and stress levels keep ramping.
“But on levels, hating it and PTSD-twitching.”
Even if she could sneak past using the bathroom without signaling the dogs to start barking to be let out, kids running, parents vacuuming, laughing and then cussing at 8am – basically literally hitting their ground running and living fully in pounding life colors tromping onto one’s ceiling and into walls surrounding – are guaranteed to get the cat yowling and dogs demanding why they have not yet been included from that family’s clomps of being let out, yet.
Yesterday, she used the on-site laundry again.
Which required much effort of in lifting and carrying as her joints and spine ground and compressed in bearing offset weight across distance, finding that darn code again, uneven terrain tripping, forgetting the basket and having to go back home again, etc.
Under time pressure, yet troubleshooting and determined to get cleaned in time the one basketful of clothes that she relied upon.
Before work, and in need.
Money and time spent later, she returned to retrieve her clothes and fly off to work – but the dryer setting had switched itself to no heat.
She had to shove the still wet, now heavier clothes into the basket and drive off to work with them.
Where they musted in the hot car all day.
Now her clothes are mildewed – and she’s out of money, soap, and solutions.
“Oh, that’s why it also reeks at the head of my bed.
The fumes are also being drawn into my room through the electrical outlet.”
“Have I accomplished?”
Speaks to me along air streams, through frequencies, and inside of vibrations, awakening encoding that I did not know for sure, but always suspected, was waiting to hearken inside of me.
Some things take more than one lifetime to convey.
Let’s begin our journey together, and I will listen to your heart’s story unfold as we learn and share love’s blessings along the way.
❤️🔥
“Growly-fierce impatience mixed with fears’ trepidation.”
“I can smell strong urine – even after having sprayed the orange deodorizing mist.
Where are the rewards?
Where are the rewards?!“
“And already, emails about late bills and pending cancelations- ‘your last notice!’ – jacking up more cortisol are flooding in.
That’s it…
My ringer us getting turned off until I’m ready to deal with the world.
“I know that when I have someone to love, there can be a buffer that helps to shelter me.
But I have not been more than partially loved, so how is still a mystery.”
“I can be one.”
Because I would have had no boundaries with you.
In fact, time “wasted” has not changed this at all for me.
There would be no courtship, no taking it slow – just diving into and wanting to give, share, and receive everything with you.
And you worry that you would be too much for me.
I need your grace…
Please help me calm so that I can rest?
“Why couldn’t my reason for waking be good instead of for sh** to clean up?!”
“Self analyzing in a type of critical judgement as my body quivers with adrenaline from being slammed into furious overdrive when I need to – instead – still be sleeping.”
“Sunrise treck – and I am livid.”
“Having to fully dress and walk the dogs out at distance to make sure no more messes happen in the next hour because I no longer have the privacy of my own yard.
‘And we were grate-ful…'”
“Then I get angry at 5:30am when my wolf pees on the floor, making the unit reek, and I have to mop it up.
I am just so fed up with this cortisol emergency jag treadmill!”
“I am bolt-wide awake at 5am.”
I wish you were here…
I look forward to seeing you, again.
Response: “I hear you and your complaint has been filed.”
“A good gardening afternoon.”
“I’m not depressed – but longterm vexed.”
While they sifted for meaning, she sought for the source.
“Yep! Got me groovin’ – and then my hypervigilance smoothed, and I am now able to fall asleep.
In other words, it broke my mind-locked loop so that I can now shift phases.”
“Everything is just work…toil…effort…struggle…!”
She could also play “cat and mouse…”
“No matter what you do, you can’t get the pieces together?”
(As a precious bag of dog food rips open as lifted from the shopàping cart…)
“Working on ‘problems,’ waiting for my love to come home…”
“Are Sass Buckets.”