Category: A Woman’s Plight
The Time Arrives
She was in a grocery isle, looking at garbage bags and cleaning supplies – of all things – and saw hum coming from her left.
Sunglasses still on to mitigate the bright overhead lights, she angled her stance more toward him and hazedly watched him approach, expecting him to turn and walk the other way.
But he kept coming, slowly, and was watching her carefully but directly.
Every step brought his visage more clearly into view as her mind scanned for attributes that would confirm his identity correctly.
Then he stopped right there, right next to her, not looking away – just as she held herself there, though swaying a bit from not automatically bolting away, herself.
He was ready?
They were ready.
To be real….
To figure out how to explain and discuss everything.
They were ready to face fears, together, with trembling relief.
—-
(This morning’s last dream before waking)
Claiming Rights
“You might be a pain in the butt,” she asserted, “but you’re my pain in the butt.”
And then, she hugged him.
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
“She Loves Me”
He said out loud to no one in particular.
“She loves me…”
That He Could
Drive her this crazy must mean that she cared for and loved him deeply.
Get It Together
She visualized turning him around, smacking his butt, and sending him on his way with a “Come back when you’re ready to really play.”
Of Course!
She had been crying.
It’s Called
“Heartache from being teased, then denied.”
EnThralled
He was enchanted by the fact that his actions affected her because she cared so much – while he seemed oblivious to the blatant obviousness of how his withdrawals cut her open, spilling her precious heart’s blood, again.
(Should I Stay or Should I Go – The Clash)
Fleeting Shadows
This time, she was
Ready, determined
To overcome her fear
And reach out to him
But when she saw him again
Then followed, he was gone
Quip
She quirked a playful eyebrow at him briefly and asked, “So you wanna do this with me?”
Yearning
“I think that passionately desiring but not getting to have detrimentally depletes me these days.
I’d already burned through layers of reserves before this point from prior single parenting.”
(God Only Knows – for King & Country)
Song repost from February 2025.
Soured
“Prolonged delayed gratification is over-played.
I have no more chips to give.”
(Don’t Talk To Strangers – Rick Springfield)
InEquity
“I look at my ex’s lives and at all of the love and support that I gave them.
They are all now flourishing in their own ways, in some capacity or other, in part thanks to me – better off for having known me.
Yet, for all that I generously gave, I’ve come away with injuries from their growing.
I am pock-marked, battered, and bruise-broken.
Who worthy would want me now in my worsened conditioning?
All of the ease of pretty and youth has been tapped – consumed by feeder users.
I have become a mature woman – with an injured soul’s heavy cares and worries.”
(The 6th Of January [Yasgur’s Farm] – Amy Grant)
Lockdown
Chest cavity seizes
Squeezing pressure
Wide-swath turniqit
Attempting censure
Restricted expansion
Around heart center
Insecurity signals
Confused leverage
(Photograph – Ed Sheeran)
Sorrow
The hurt was deep
As expanded limits
Seeming to
Never end
Keep On
“Keepin’ on.”
(The Bird – The Time, 1985)
F**k
“I don’t need nore fantasy without basis in reality.”
Cat Naps
Rest’s positive reset would be welcome.
Higher
There were limits to the heights she could reach.
She wasn’t used to admitting defeat.
Between You & Me
“Which version have you liked best so far?” he asked her.
She leaned in closer so that only he could hear her…”I’ll let you know when it’s just you and me.”
Others Failed To Notice
How alike they were in core modes where it mattered.
Investing Wisely
She might be viewed as a tease
If so, she was an honest tease
With payment
Guaranteed
(Cryin’ Shame – Cheap Freaks)
Ache
She kept feeling like she was missing her chances with him.
Crush
It was hard to keep being strong – to keep showing a pleasant and neutral face because she was not going to be the downfall of some passing stranger’s fragile day.
But when she returned to the car these days, she could feel her energy suddenly crash by significant degrees from just maintaining effort.
Baby,
“I know that you are used to being a force to be reckoned with.
But please don’t fault me for having caution – especially when it comes to protecting our sanctity”
(Been Undone – Peter Gabriel, Dark-Side Mix)
My Love,
“I need you to come right up to me and introduce yourself.
Our start doesn’t need to be – and likely won’t be perfect.
Even if I flinch and seem to shut down, don’t buy into it.
I see so many versions of you lately that it’s all I can do to dig into my space and hold myself together as I quiver inside wanting so much to just reach out and claim you as my own.
I am likely projecting a vibe of ‘stay away’ around me.
But it’s because I don’t want to make a wrong move with a ‘wrong’ guy…
I just want you by my side.”
(Bring Me To Life – Evanescence)
Song repost from April 2023.
The Promise
Could it be trusted?
They both stood at opposite ends on cliff edges to either side of The Great Divide – yearning, but still unable to see each other clearly.
Wondering…
Hoping…
Praying…
Waiting For The Sun
She wanted the man whose capacities were equivalent in breadth and depth to her own emotional intelligence.
Crummy Dreams
She dreamed that her ex-husband had died and she’d had to tell her children.
But when she went looking for the proof, found him alive and ran face to face with his preferred girlfriend.
Though greatly relieved on one count, she did not need to experience the deep pain from the death nor the encounter.
No one was there to comfort her.
New Year’s Movie Repick: Frankie & Johnny
What, About Now?
She still had obligations, but they weren’t the same as before…
And even though she discovered that she had some defaults, she was willing to work past them to be more receptive if he would convey clearly that he wanted her.
(Sleepwalker – Illenium ft. Joni Fatora)
The Empath’s Avoidant
Society wanted to ascribe
Their dynamic as a static
Destined to forever replay
Distance by abandonment
But she knew differently
Refusing to believe them
Because she knew beginnings
From whence he and she came
And believed they were capable
Of renduring these spells undone
Inner Eye
“And to try to see makes my brain want to scream!”
Where Are The Cheat Codes?
If I tell myself to approach the rebuilding tasks directly, the blocks prohibit.
But if I tell mysdlf that I am cleaning my room again to get back into music, they will lift.
And then, when I try to focus on making music, I will see the rebuilding tasks suddenly come clear because of intense dread, worry, and lack of stability.
And I will veer to attend to these tasks, one after another – each time by beginning to attempt to work on progressing in music.
For I am amazing at self sacrificing when the days must be saved.
But maybe, after more months and months of rebuilding…maybe someday I can begin to actually reinsert music for real into my life again.
If the rent gets caught up and we don’t lose our housing.
And I don’t keep slipping farther behind in recovering from injuries, rather than regaining my strength.
And then, when that brief moment of feeling safe and hopeful at last reenters my life again and I think that I can finally focus on my art, another drastic emergency will knock me back down again.
And the cycle will start all over…
Only with less strength to carry on.
A Precarious Balance
Sometimes, you get lucky with a sinking ship…
And it stops sinking when it gets full of just enough water to equal out the pressure where it once flooded into the hull freely…
And as long as you stop bailing and slosh around only very carefully, a balance is reached…
And somehow, the heavily floating boat might still be swept by currents to safety.
Water Logged
The divide was too wide for her to get across by herself.
All she could do was hope for reinforcements and work on getting the motor going again.
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
There For Each Other
For the past several hours, she just craved a hot bath and to shut down.
But she had been determined to show up and be there for others.
Sinking Ships
“Behind the scenes, she was completely wrecked.”
Candid Corvid Productions 