“The first time, we lost the funding help because they delayed.
The second, I am now losing everything because they made other plans.
And didn’t tell me.
But then told agencies without my knowing.”
Category: Altered States
The Message
“That first day, it had come – completely different feom the ones before and since.
Seemingly speaking directly to me.
Not full of romance.
Bracing me.
Reassuring.
Encouraging.
Telling me that it wasn’t my fault.
That I had done everything I could.
And to keep going.
Soon after, I rushed out to get to work on time.
And saw the two copies taped onto our garage door.”
Distortion
“Some people propagate this to gain their own advantage.
Sometimes all one can do it to abstain from feeding into it.”
Point System
“Somewhere, my good must be earning interest…”
WTF
“How am I going to handle this one?”
The Blow
Shock
Massive betrayal
Incredulity at the unnecessary harm caused
Branded
Hoisting the weight
Locking down
Figuring out how to get it off of me
Shut down
Happiness?
“Fleeting moments of glimmering sparks, best remembered as protected.”
Every Day
“Is definitely not a fecking holiday.”
Regardless Of Efforts
She had checked in person with the service provider the day before, yet when the important phone call came, her service had been turned off anyway – rendering her incapable.
Foibled
Again
Watching Them Flee The Rain
“I remember when I could run…”
Reasons
“They are important…but I need solutions.”
Holding The Line
No matter how hard it gets to
Still stand for the truth of good
The Edge Of The World
Some things must not be said when one has reached the tipping off point.
Race-Horsing It
“Busting through barriers like a bronco careening forward at speed, trying to out-distance self damage.”
(Feeling Good – Nina Simone, Bassnectar Remix)
Showin’ Up
Anyway
I Don’t Feel Right Today
Migraine and too much uncertainty, shifting.
Empty Spaces
When we were close
I could feel you
But now
I feel
Panoramic View – AWOLNATION
“Don’t Go To Bed Mad”
“Ok, how about enraged?”
Furious
I AM
All Of It
“Played right into it.”
Repetition
The treadmill’s
Curse and cure
(God Only Knows – for King & Country)
Unsung Hero
“When the matriarch’s husband died several years before her, we all gathered to watch his ashes being poured from high in the air out of an airplane over the coast of the ocean.
When the matriarch herself perished, we all just scattered like the chilled late afternoon wind that had dispersed his remnants.”
Last One In
“Be sure to lock the door.”
Survival Strategies
Work in the absence of
Alternative functionality
Loneliness
Becomes too much to swallow
And then, overflows
DisEnchantment
Humans were flawed, yes…
But having flaws and giving into them
Are not the same
Disconnect
There is an emptiness
Where no.light enters as
Emotions stay concealed
Illusions
Mirages
Everywhere
At The Dock
If something isn’t real
It isn’t real
No matter how far
It carries you
(Nothing – Depeche Mode)
Silence
Can be loud
Can be vacant
Can mean something
Can mean nothing
Mirrored Dynamics
Poverty’s Hydra
“Without enough funding, problems keep arising – no matter where you chop to cut the line.”
My Head
“Is firming up, again.”
How Did I?
“Get pulled into and caught up in this constant struggle for survival?”
(No Survivors – Jeremy Camp)
Ok…
“There’s a reason why I am eating a chocolate-covered cherry nearly every day, recently…”
Feck
“Can I have a day when I am not having to ‘freak-the-fu**-out?”
Medication
“Pretty much for the entirety of working to recover from the car accident, I have avoided medications.
But once the impact’s swelling of the concussion hit, taking a routine combo has been key to my regaining any progress traction.”
(Equinoccio De Serpientes – TRIBU)
Tail Spin
“Pulling out of one surpasses extreme levels of difficulty.”
“Hi, Guys…”
“I am beginning to be able to feel my anterior neck muscles, again…”
One, Two Three, Four
“Put it in a pocket – out the door!”
Motor Reactions
“I am getting better at catching random objects in my functional environment before they fall after being knocked, but there is no cure for the witch hazel bottle squeeze-spilling out at the base of its cap where its design should have prevented, every time I tip the bottle to use it.”
Running The Gauntlet
“We had to errect another barrier with chairs this evening.
There are now three layers of gating – including chairs and not including bedroom doors – that must be traversed in clambered, tricky imbalances around and through to get between bedrooms and the kitchen.
I must pragmatically think of this now as if it is a retraining course.”
Unreal Messages
“‘You don’t have to be strong all of the time…’
Oh, yeah?
Where’s my help?
All of the dishes get dirty by others after I’ve washed them – already hurting myself;
I’m doing cross-country terrain navigating regarding just my house even – through, around, and over hurdles with torn hips and ligaments screaming upon lifting and landing;
And no matter the efforts I put into anything, if I don’t keep up momentum, everything immediately spirals or crashes into diminished returns.
I am on my own, here – literally, IT’S ALL UP TO ME.
So kiss my a** – why don’t-cha?
Or step up and help me move this ever-sinling/capsixing ship of my life thing!”
Candid Corvid Productions 