“It SUCKS!”
Category: Altered States
I’m Sorry, But
“It is VERY ‘disconcerting’ to come home from the laundromat with somebody else’s bonus sock – and my few towels and clothes now with bleach and other stains on them!”
Hon,
I feel stuck…
Like I cannot grow nor adapt, anymore.
And my inner critic has become disillusioned, I feel without hope, and my demeanor is bitey in private.
To The Bone
“I’m just weary.”
Did I Mention?
“This last weekend, a lovely home owner allowed me to dig up runner strawberries that had escaped from her yard to add to my mobile garden’s replenishment.”
A Three Weeks’ View
“Three weeks ago, I was told I qualified at last for a first service.
Then I went to an office to finish the paperwork and update the other paperwork for a second service.
Then, I was told to go fix something at a third service the next week by the fiirst service – which I did – and I also had to go back to do more paperwork on the second service because the prior week’s efforts triggered more questions, so that’s week’s efforts and precious gas expense weren’t enough.
Then, the first service communications completely topped and connections disappeared, no matter any diverse attempts to contact.
Second service disconnected help despite compliance due to limited staff not processing paperwork properly, so today on the phone for hours and maybe it will be reactivated.
A fourth service last week said come back this week.
Meanwhile, third service is still in the mired cogworks.
However, I just now got a call from a hard-working advocate that second services will be restored – but not until tomorrow, and now reduced.
Misery
“Have I accomplished any thing?!”
In The Chop
“Am I comin’ – or am I goin’?”
(Repeat…)
I Need Some CoF-Feee
“I need some cof-feeeee –
And a brigh-ter out-look on life…”
A Day Off
“Time for a nap.”
Grounded
Like a plow horse worked too hard with little rest, there was no more “get up” in her “go.”
Time To
“Rebuild Adrenals.”
I Feel
“‘Used up,
Washed out,
And hung to dry.'”
Word Of The Day: Hysteria
“Internal sobbing collapse from pushing too hard and long – yet it’s never enough.”
Spun
“About…”
(Concept play)
Silent Keening
“Income feels completely turned upside down.”
(Louder Than A Lion – Eisley)
Doldrums
“I’ve never felt so ‘dead’ in the water.”
Miracles In Plain Site
Gettin’ Snarky
“Remember when you thought you were done?
And then you realized suddenly you weren’t?
Yeah…
How’s that workin’ for ya?”
My Frown
“Is getting deep-set these days.”
Hey!
“I already did this depression sh**!
Did it…!
Lived it…!
Crossed the fe-cking threshold –
Mo-ving On!”
(God’s – Sleep Token)
Mag-Ni-Fique!
“I look…
like an Oompa-loompa…”
Iiiiìiii’mmm
“Bor-der-line hys-ter-i-caaaaallll…”
Listen to Iiiiiii’mmm – 6.4.26 by Candid Corvid Productions on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/pPjR7lyyQRSAfAqLV9
Frazzled
“Can I not look how I feel?”
Levels
“Of Toil…”
“Crappy” Responsibility
“Having to watch your dog’s every straining efforts’ productions so that you make sure to pick up every piece of poop so that no one has to step on it.”
Word Of The Day: Innovating
“Turning ‘crappy’ situations that are thrust upon you into better opportunities.”
A Final, AngryTwitch
“Caring about comfort and niceness while diminishing the flat gray emanence of the floors emanating into my home is no longer an option if I wish to live in better connection with my animals.”
A Big F— You
“Trying to make progress on one end, the wolf goes into my bedroom and pees on my one favorite rug – resulting in my having to haul it out from under my heavy bed and basically tear apart my bedroom and clean the rug outside as an unwanted side project.
It has been ‘marked’ now and it will become a target, forever, if I keep it.”
Darn It!
“No more carpet!”
Wreckage
“I would like to say that things are back to norm, but there’s a lot of damage to attend to.”
Wha-Haaat?
“Balance in my life?”
It Is Hard
“To be hurt.”
It’s The Fumes
“When I feel like giving up, I must remember.”
Word Of The Day: Pebbling
“Today is my first time hearing of this word that describes the action of someone who loves you sending little notes, pictures, etc., as a form of affection because something lovingly reminds them of you during a 24 hour period.
They are coining this as a type “neurotypical” behavior that is positive, but possibly misunderstood by “normals.”
I thought that this type of consideration was just a way of indulging romantic nuance behavior – so I guess that they are saying that romance is neurotypical?
Who are those emotionaly critical analysts?
Monoculturalists?”
BreakOut
“My face does not usually get pimples because I keep my system in good regulation.
One on my chin certifies fumes’ constant exposure.”
Big Mouth Flappy-Yappy
“Do you want your life to get better?
Then get off your a** and make it better.
Already doing that and ‘sh** out of luck?’
File your complaints, push back – and then, again – get off your a** and do something about it.”
Pressure’s Vise
“It tells me that I must rehome the animals.
But I know how we got here, so the armor must be redonned.
No matter the weight nor how I wished to stop fighting.
The cortisol rush comes flooding again as my body gets even thicker with more density.
I must learn to welcome it, for my life is not getting ‘better.'”
When It Hurts
“When the wolf barks, it shocks my heart.
When the hound whines, it causes anxiety.
When the cat yowls, I am told it’s not enough.”
Refrain
A hollowed distance kept her vigilance.
Sucked Inward
She needed more – but had to keep giving more, instead, carving out and bleeding dry vital internal space that was meant to give and receive loving, but now knew only how to give while sealing up to shore inwardly breaking walls against total collapsing.
There’s No Good Reason
For why basic survival keeps demanding more, and stress levels keep ramping.
Trying To Deal With It
“But on levels, hating it and PTSD-twitching.”
And Forget About Sleeping In
Even if she could sneak past using the bathroom without signaling the dogs to start barking to be let out, kids running, parents vacuuming, laughing and then cussing at 8am – basically literally hitting their ground running and living fully in pounding life colors tromping onto one’s ceiling and into walls surrounding – are guaranteed to get the cat yowling and dogs demanding why they have not yet been included from that family’s clomps of being let out, yet.
Another Source
“Oh, that’s why it also reeks at the head of my bed.
The fumes are also being drawn into my room through the electrical outlet.”
(Burning Fire – TechnoDEMONS)
Living, In It
“Somewhere between the cogs of the machine with its greasy, gritty, tarlike oil builtup stale and rusty-dusty from the tears of so many generations before us as its gears grind onward, hungrily waiting for each one of us to slip and fall to our own demise of being dragged under and ground up as grisled lubricant while life gets compressed and squeezed out of us…
Somewhere in this hellish mockery of an “advanced civilization,” we must learn at first how to just merely survive, and then, if we figure out how to generally predict the system’s patterns and practice how dodging and weaving to avoid succumbing, we can – despite being unwilling victims – thrive.”
Anything
“Have I accomplished?”
