I have a comfortable bed
Or so I’d like to think of it
But there’s rarely a position
That I can find this comfort
Maybe I need to add another
Layer of foam to cushion me
Perhaps too much inflamed
Pain never abating hinders
The recovery I’ve needed
To overcome the injuries
I want to garden
But do I not lift?
Or grip and dig,
Or kneel, or shift
As extend to retract
Endurent dynamics?
What can I do
And shouldn’t?
One day left for rest
Isn’t enough further
I just workout and
Travel spiral circles
Going over same paths
Seeking spark’s interest
Things get done without
Motivated life’s purpose
Except living day to day
Trying to restore basics
She deserved better than giving up, so she just fought to deal with the ‘impact.’
(History repeating in waves)
“What do you want from me?” she asked the ether, looking skywards.
“I want you to be happy…” a male voice replied – which both calmed and further unsettled her discombobulated nerves.
Sunlight’s warmth to greet me
Leaves, grass, trees, and sky
Mountains protecting
Soothing inner eyes
“‘Oh, sweet relief!’ as we returned to the first floor of normal sounds and colors!”
OMG – even the gown and curtains are pixelated, and everything is just blocks and lines like in Minecraft!
Aaaaauuugghh, my reality is melting!”
“Difficulty because hospital corridors contain multiple frequency reverberating hums, and everything in view is 3-D grids.”
“I don’t know why, but it is harder for me to get to my own doctor appts.
Had to get to MRI’s this morning.
First of all, I am no longer ok in the morning.
You could say it’s because I don’t get to sleep until around 2am or so, but my internal biorhythms are altered.
And I won’t detail the diffuculty, but once I got into the hospital where everything was shutdown to minimum operations on the weekend, I had to request wheelchair assistance to help me get checked in and settled into the correct waiting room properly.
The anxiety crush meltdown of gratefully accepting a wheelchair to be shuttled more quickly and safely than my legs and increasing disorientation could take me was alarming.
But there was a kind, older lady that I helped get confirmed in her own location, and she extended to me saying, ” Always ask for a wheelchair in the airport,” confidingly – as I just about broke into tears for needing the darn thing.”
“It feels like there is no real help, only signs and signals pointing the way if one keeps looking for and innovating solutions despite ‘diminishing’ capacities.”
“The injuries are becoming a psychological hindrance as they do not fade – but, in fact, become more insistent and prevalent.
The mind cannot help but panic when experiencing increasing complication impulses – yet, it must struggle to overcome meltdown shutdowns while seeking a newly defined pragmatism.
For it makes sense that as more systems reboot, extent of prior damages becomes ever more clear – and that system overload would increase as additional jagged impulses are seeking to be added to healing’s reintegration.”
“Means something entirely different in seeking balance when one’s boat is flipped, and staying submerged in water’s engulfing suction seems to be the end result, anyway (unrelenting) – especially when one’s sea legs are no longer stable above surface in sailing.”
“Trying to reclaim norms, but norms are now distorted.
This doesn’t mean that things are ‘bad.’
(Sweat)
Things, relatively, might be ‘good.’
(Distrust)
In fact things may be, given skews, ‘getting better, again.’
(Panic)”
“‘Objects in motion stay in motion…’
Newton’s First Law of Motion; also known as The Law of Inertia
I just keep going because it feels like if I stop, I’ll just need to lie back down.”
“If there are only a few to a handful of people whose opinions really matter to any one of us, then why are we so chock full of social anxiety?
A beloved sibling sent this to me this eve.
“I had to cancel work until next week because there’s no doubt I got reinjured.
I hate this.
I hate too much pain and lack of pleasure.
I hate limits without any workarounds.”
“It distresses me that when I hear how people like to go for a walk or hiking, my body now says, ‘That’s not for me!'”
“‘Cause I’m gettin’ better…
Yeah, that’s it…”
“I am reminded that I should have done less; that I should have stopped sooner.
But I just keep pushing – until I’m dropping.”
What could this be?
Why do I feel empty?
I give to others
And help family
I think my body hurts
As engage arm or leg
Gravity is tough going
If spine to neck flayed
To rise from bed
Needs a purpose
Towing the line is
No longer worth it
If movement is stiff
Maybe stay in place
Catch up to moment
Give self some grace
“Here’s to my 2 years ago act of valiance – for which I’m still paying!
Woo-Hoo!”
“Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that I strained a neck muscle.”
Tapping into rage to fight back the pain.
“It seems that much of my time is forced into experiencing it.”
There is much to be said for
No longer gripping the walls
Just letting go of resistance
In hopes to pass beyond this
Painful torment pushing us
To succumb to its pressure
Yet I don’t want to give up
As I fall into the darkness
And still hope for finding a
Better than usual outcome
“Why on this day of 101F straight-singeing sunbeams did I decide to transplant in my garden?
Because my body finally said ‘NOW,’ and I’d been waiting several months to have enough pull together to be able to.”
After effects from work.
Like a collapsed flan.
“Walking down the thrift store isle, the trail of unwashed human reek kept extending until – for once – I embraced the too-perfumed exudence of a young woman walking by, which brought relief.”
“There comes a point near every late evening.where makeshift stamina’s grace collapses, and further movements are accompanied by quiet grunts and wheezes.”
“A bee zoomed in through the driver’s side window and got stopped mid-journey by the passenger’s.
So I quickly unrolled that one, and it hurried on its way.”
“My mind was innovating verse while deep trance navigating in sleep, and this is one of the lines that filtered to surface:
‘Quone is ogg.’
Archaic language? Otherworldly?
I have no real explanation.”
No gentle side-curling that
Creates extra compression
But sprawled diagonal across the bed
Face-down head between two pillows
“I inclusively greeted another woman pulling behind her belongings as I shuttled my suitcase into the building to prepare for clients.
As she passed the entrance that I had just gone through, it seened that she over-the-shouldered flung out, ‘That was a criminally insensitive thing to say to me, laced with deeper meanings.’
She must’ve been having a very bad day, indeed.”
A guy on an overburdened low-rider bike sauntered across in front of our lane’s turn crossing the road.
As I got closer, I saw the mounted keyboard on the side and a foldable sectioned pad on the back for the homeless-by-choice younger musician’s sleep comfort.
“Alright!,” I exclaimed out loud – but he couldn’t hear me.
“Movin’ Up!”
“Like bleeding out energetically without needed stop-gap filler to meet, feed, and reset their function.”
Candid Corvid Productions 