“There’s been no denying, just realigning.”
Category: Altered States
Denial’s Benefits
These first two years since the accident
Have been about gaining distance away
From modes of tipping on edge of collapse
Which I would not let override endurance
Thus internal reroutings smack into walls
When continuing to push past allowances
With mainframe crashings from pressure
As keep reanimating limbs toward future
Mystery Rupture
Something unmentioned has been
A bulging vessel inner pinky finger
Several weeks ago since I noticed
Unsure how long it’s been injured
Could have happened lifting any
Edge with angled weight cutting
I’ve been ignoring it to let heal as
Occasionally acts as trigger finger
Because the pain upon touching
Was swollen and pulse-alarming
Connective tissues and associated
Don’t have tensile tenacity as prior
(All I Want Is You – U2)
Missed Opportunities
“It is vexing, but necessary, to let go of some further trainings that I thought I’d be doing.”
Toe Check
“Well…
It is pink and healthy, with no grit – except for the remnant shriveling skin hanging like a determined yet crumpled flag doing its best to still protect freshly exposed layers of nerve endings.
Thus, why the sharp, intense pain makes me want to keen to high heaven when the end of it is accidentally bumped straight on.”
Apparently,
“The few things that I choose to try to do on any given day are more than I ought to be attempting.
But I used to be able to do so much more!”
Frustration
“Because I need more help to overcome all of this.”
(Mess It Up – Jerro & The Kite String Tangle)
Small Stepping
There are exercises and nutrients that
With time and resources could benefit
But if I have just one unit for any effort
I must be careful as to where focusing
Down Time
I got hurt again yesterday early eve
Simply walking and snagging shoe
Tripped carriage flinging extremes
Tore into junctures where repairing
Flatt-End
“Cortisol haze from stress makes chest a heavy weight almost feeling like suffocating and illness in the mornimg.
It likely doesn’t help that I must drink caffeine mixtures daily in order to be able to think and function…
I refuse to take pharmaceutical medications that will leave a worsened effect while they’d claim to address my symptoms.”
(Somebody – Depeche Mode)
Death Of The Sunglasses
“Today, my signature pair that I’ve been recognized by fell backwards from my head into a definitive shatter.”
Driven To Hysterics
A Gesture
“As other cars and I were coming down the road toward the overpass, something was in the left lane on the one way street, blocking.
So I slowed to a stop at distance in case someone crashed into my vehicle, turned on my emergency lights, and ambled carefully forward on foot to assist the older woman in a wheel chair.
I got her onto the sidewalk, locked in her wheel’s brake, returned to and moved my car to parking, then asked her where I could take her within limitations.
As we rolled along gently so as to not jar her, she lit up a marijuana pipe, and the raw burn of it smelled familiar.
She had complained of being cold earlier, which I could agree with because the weather had quickly gone from intense heat one day, to overcast cool and promising rain this evening.
But she also had her pants down, so I wasn’t going to comment about how this likely contributed.
She had me take her to the far side of a park’s building, positioned just so to be out of the wind blowing around the corners and anyone suddenly appearing to accidently slam into or trip over her.
I wished her a good evening as took my leave, and soon heard her yelling loudly in her reverie as I’d made it further down the street back to my car’s shelter.
I didn’t feel like a hero.
I just gave some kindness when maybe it was more needed.”
(Night Trouble – Petit Biscuit)
Tangled Blankets
What is this -?
And how is it – ?!
(Adrift In Hilbert Space – Ott)
Huge Charlie Horses
I am trying so hard, here…!”
(Oh MG lower hamstring seizing painfully as if it’s going to tear itself off of my leg – WT?!)
Insult To Injury
“I mean, at least it’s more on the right side…”
(Toe shredding = new ways of discoordinated limping.”
Lacking “Norms”
There is no consistency that
I can rely on in these injuries
Zones are identified in variations
That intermittently work or worsen
Which keep putting me back into
States of great anxietal insecurity
Because I never know what I can
Count on in performance abilities
Add onto this that in trying to heal
New injuries occur in shift-adjusting
And their effect upon limbic systrm
Is like treading minefield explosions
Periods of “maybe I’m safe” occur
Then on into new crisis responses
(Bodhi Mandala – Desert Dwellers, Drumspyder Remix)
How It Feels
It’s mainly the lockdown
And warning impingings
Telling me my body
Cannot do as much
After already having
Pushed beyond limits
I’ll still get up and try by
Calculated workarounds
Provid-Ence
Being as it has all ultimately
Been up to me to guarantee
I only struggle harder now
For even smaller advances
Which honesty creates panic
When limbs need down time
New Patterns
It’s all I can do to
Step up to the old
Indian Elder
He asked me what I thought to be cause
I presented him with nature’s inbreeding
Could he thus then have any compassion
For a race that murdered for propagation?
(Color Of Your Soul – GRIZ)
Lag
Recovering from work efforts
Vs.
Networking for more marketing
How It Works
Brief momentum
Dissipating relies
Upon regatherimg
Strength to push
Crematoria
Why is it so darn hot out there?
At least this year I have the AC!
(Title Riddick movie reference)
Past Work Dream
I had a job under pressure, working my bootie off for so much less money, in a no-win, time-crunch situation.
But though I sweated and the timing was hectic, I could do it if paced myself – and I felt no pain with good muscle coordination.
It was nice in those dream moments to not be injured.
Merry-Go-Round
Spnning wheels
Over same tracks
Anything accomplished
Is just matter of opinion
Consumerism hunting
For this or that object
In day’s heat because
It is too hot to garden
Or to catch up on dishes
From broken dishwasher
Where ableism assumes
Shoulders have no limits
The Wrong Cup
Having just pulled fresh leftovers
Out of fridge, placing onto counter
I soon after reached for and drank a
Warm, bitter-sour days-old belatedly
Realizing discarded cups also there
As hastily followed consuming new
Asking stomach’s grace internally if
We could get away with imposition
Letting remains just pass through
Making nary a wake in trespassing
Slipping The Leash
We were born to be as one with nature
Yet taught allegience to false masters
Manipulation’s fear by violence
Imprinting lore of false prophets
Whereas it’s even noted in the Quran
That Jesus will come spit upon them
(Voices In The Storm · Didacte & Holloway)
Boundaries?…Limitations?
“I Scoff At Thee!”
(Still can’t get to bed until waaaay past midnight)
Missed Signals
She had requestrd to not use vinegar
Because her sinuses reacted, swelling
Counter arguments kept coming to where
When she got home, it was in two rooms
Feeling her chest clench and a migraine,
She cried out, “I asked you not to use it!”
To defensive replies of the other saying
They could barely smell it, devalidating
Whereupon her exhaustion tipped off into
Hysterical internal reaction to gaslighting
And she fled the scene to avoid
Shiftng into meltdown conflict.
Catch Me If I Fall
In a high-wire balance act
How can one be assisted?
(Separate Lives – The Alan Parson’s Project)
One Step Forward
“Three dragging me back.”
Feeeeehck
“What’s my focus today?
Yet another emergency?
I keep getting disrupted.”
*Sigh*
“I gotta get a grip.”
Summer Drop Out
“I am done with trying to jump through extra hoops.”
(A Forest – The Cure)
Traction
“I might be at last gaining…”
“Victory Feast”
(Crawling King Snake – The Black Keys)
Well, That Was Fun
“Went from crying to adventure to limping home while holding my back, satisfied.”
I’m…Ok…
Drives home with the feeling as if organs are bleeding…
Candid Corvid Productions 