“No matter what I do, I can’t seem to escape.”
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
“No matter what I do, I can’t seem to escape.”
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
“Reactions to compounding lag in an injured system from having to repeatedly respond to new emergencies that push pressure loads beyond capacities into enforced quick adapting can lead to reactions and/or shut downs which present behaviors much like complex PTSD – either drastically slowing or suddenly forcefully expelling energy as a result of the system’s desperate attempts to create space for self regulation.”
“Even with continuing and multi-varied discouragements, I must cling to a moment ago’s realization that as I continue working new patterns over and over, my methods are beginning to adapt into streamlining.
Perhaps much of the issue exacerbating my injuries is constant disruption negatively reinforcing sensory overwhelm and overstimulation.”
“Although I may have just been exposed to COVID right in time to potentially sabotage attending my retraining, it is nice to note that my handwriting is beginning to smooth again at times – compared to right after and since the accident injuries disrupted motor skills coordination.”
“Upon complications, upon complications…
Nothing new, really – just another day in a choppy sea trying to keep our heads above water.”
“Tomorrow’s going to be a long day due to even less sleep than usual.”
Already bones are freezing
Then suddenly overheating
Because primary internal heat
Likes it eighty without layering
“To be able to clean my own bedroom?!”
“Even only mildly and briefly vacuuming increases facial zones’ numbing reactivation!”
(Grrrr)
“I have some ‘neck folds’ and ‘jowel’ contours that I keep working on to retrain fascial strengthening and smoothing due to the anterior portion of my neck injuries.
But trends in society like to say that this is how I should look for ‘my age’ – and if I didn’t have them, they would likely project jealousy!”
She’d heard this evening that a suspected immense ship had come into range of their planet – and begged inwardly that he’d arrive to be with her as soon as possible, while they still had time left.
Ever
Feel
Good
Enough
“The Geico Gecko? OMG – I’m speechless!” says the woman talking to it.
(She should be – because she shouldn’t be seeing that critter or talking to it in her reality!)
“The goal is to keep going forward…
Survival.”
“To see doors closing that I once thought were still open to me.
Like…
I don’t think that I’ll ever do a year abroad now for school.
The concept seems ridiculous now with exhaustion from disability.”
I think I must shut down this entire need
This cycle of longing driving into frenzy
It is the situation – the abandonment cycle
Had I known, I would not have fallen into it
But I thought that it was an open invitation
That it was genuine honesty – for once given
Not another bait / switch retract scenario
Designed to send me into another tailspin
“Put on makeup when I’m crying?”
“I don’t know…
But I have coffee.”
Bites
Now
“No…you don’t get to see my internal mess, here…”
“Since when does it no longer mean shocked or having color drained from, for example?
As in sudden reaction leading to other reactions…”
(Lockdown, migraine, etc.)
“Of course I recoiled when I saw you.
You can’t just walk into my scene and expect me to be able to control myself without any warning when I am already fraying at the seams!
Are you here to help me, or just to tease and torment by your leaving?
You make me want to get my hands on you and show you some things about manners!
Then, you wouldn’t be leaving…”
—
(Title & content of multiple meanings)
“I did…
I’m an anomaly in the system – under pain and pressure to give in.”
“You know – it takes a lot of strength to maintain my composure and not throw myself upon you – and I just don’t have the muscle strength nor pain tolerance to keep up with these ‘playing it cool’ reservations!”
It was just another neck tension migraine…
She was passing through a dim dressing room when she was anonymously given a dark cape with a collar like a lion’s ruff, which allowed her to pass through the veil.
Go back to sleep now?
Can I not be in pain?
“I greatly dislike how the injuries from the accident have increased burdens that I was already carrying.
What is this?
F-ing Boss level?!”
It isn’t easy carrying the weight on my own
No, in fact, I am very tired to faltering now
But I still know how to instinctively brace
Creating a type of pressure distribution
I just wonder what it would be like
To not have to hold the line alone
“It doesn’t help that my quads in addition to taking force straight through them of a speeding heavy car, they also froze and still adhere to thigh bones and tissues around them.
It is taking so very long in trying to get them to reactivate and differentiate again – which lacking this pulls even more on hip joint attachments.”
“Rather than using it to harm or force others.”
Responding to a beloved family member:
“Thank you for responding with your points of view.
I apologize – but I had to stop reading because it felt like the validity of my real, hard-earned, and deeply considered experiences was being blasted apart by religious assertions irregardless of my truth.
I am too fragile at present to retain strength of neutrality after sharimg something so preciously personal to me which I have fought my entire like to reclaim and own as mine.
There have always been many religions and beliefs that promoted, supported, and nourished love and promoted health of our natural environment.
I believe – and it makes sense – that ‘God’ has spoken to each ‘tribe’ of humanity through time in ‘words’ and concepts that share common truths.
Therefore, it is by right and my own ‘God bestowed’ ‘free will’ that I choose to retain independant discernment and listen for ‘God’s’ truths in the wind, in my instincts, through other people’s goodness, designs in the natural world, rhythms of the galaxies, etc.
Even Islamic beliefs, in original dictates, reinforced that every person’s relationship with ‘God’ was between that human and ‘God’ as sacred and inviolate – and admonished other ‘believers’ to stay out of others’ privacy of their homes and ‘knock it off’ with persecutionary criticisms and actions.
The original reasons for ‘Jihad’ were because entire tribes saved by Islam were tearing each other apart – and then about to be slaughtered by multiple invading forces that were surrounding them.
It was primaruly for self defense and to retain homelands and establish a reugn of just peace in that region.
Islam was given in order to save a mass race of people from sudden extinction, and is from the same ‘God’ of Abraham and Jesus – in fact, it openly recognizes these prior prophets.
After Islam’s prophet died, next ruling factions took the original teachings – as has happened with any prophet or great teacher throughout human history’s original lessons – and took what they wanted, changed what they chose to change, and threw away truths that they did not want further seen, understood, nor propagated.
Our remaining, ‘societally-accepted’ doctrines left for society today have been cultivated throughout centuries by political powers that be – irregardless of ‘God’s’ original, sacred intentions.
And, technically, when Jews, Christians, and Muslims are fighting, harming, and murdering each other, they are a family fighting at the same dinnner table and blaspheming in ‘God’s’ name.
Extremist zealotry, in itself, can also be seen as work of the ‘deceiver’ using scriptures and people as pawns to destroy Eden’s foundations of mutuality in co-existence and shared caretaking.
Many religions today cut that part out and say since we were cast from Eden, we have been given the right to carve up the land and each other – with no personal sdlf accountability.
B.S. – and No Thank You.
Please do not expect that I shall ever convert to nor support any ideologies rife with distortion that try to and/or continue to propagate hypocrasy and atrocities – especially when done in ‘God’s name.’
If I misunderstood your reply’s intent due to my current sensitivities, I hope that in the future we may have opportunity to share concepts and the wonderous joy about ‘God’s love,’ and recognize the sancity of ‘God’s wisdom’ in encouraging diverse human and nature’s forms expressing ‘His’ love in our world – and even beyond our world’s boundaries.
I love you so much and appreciate your points of view.
I know that you, also, have certainly worked hard to ascertain them.”
“Trying to switch grades to pass/no pass and prepping for next retraining workshop.”
There’s really no “control”
When one is falling fast
Maybe just some guiding
Yet this can help life last
If hard flail plummeting
Likely get broken pieces
If dropping in composure
One accepts “inevitability”
But one can also glide
Diving direction angles
Aiming for a trajectory
Offering better survival
“I found my glasses lense which popped out due to the frame breaking – and then I taped it all back together.
= I am a N.E.R.D. qualified specialist in training.”
“Without glasses.”
“Shall be made…”
“Born of simple aspirations…”
“That I could succeed at something…”
“Pings my head so much and makes me constantly change directions.”
“Working out today in mid-gravity-assisted decompression-realignment exercises, my left lumbar did a hard teadjustment in a way that it never had before – which painfully ‘knocked the wind out of me’ for a few minutes.
I am hoping that it was needed, and that it will reduce tension on my right hip’s mobility constrainments.”