“Livin’ in my insular world that the bottom’s dropping out of.
I can throw up my arms and go ‘weeee’ as I plummet!”
Category: Altered States
Fine
“I give up…
I have no control over anything.”
Frustration
“She’s out there preachin’ how I messed it up, but there’s no conversation happening.
To not say that I love someone for their uniqueness is avoiding a huge reason for my attraction!”
It Seems
“I can’t get it right.”
Self Correction
Withdrawal
Out On A Limb
Embarrassment
Anxiety
Captain’s Log: Friday
Our last date extension
To come up with funds
Cat & Mouse
When two lovers trounce.
She Began To Understand
When she had asked for an intervention
Not only had God listened, it turned out
From the panther that had reclaimed her
Spirit as it was being led too far astray to
The oldest in memory
That still had no name
She was caught in the middle
Like an atom as rendered split
Energy exploding to bridge worlds
So tears in their fabric could reknit
He was the lock
She was the key
Mutual desire
Set them free
Good Will
Her passengers were still looking for ways to help salvage the ship and have them all get safely to shore together, but the captain also understood the immense pressures of being a family’s leader.
Cups Half Full
Many people do not realize
They have abilities to shine
In ways taken from others
What More
Could a mother wish for?
Gratitude
“Thank you to the elements involved for helping me to make it to my family in time to help catch their fall, and for helping me to be a launching support for them to seek new horizons.”
Something Neat
Somehow, the new curtains completed her bedroom in such a way, that it felt like a captain’s cabin on a ship would.
I’m Not Freaking Out
“Are you freaking out?
‘Cause I’m not freaking out regarding today’s deadline at all…
Oh, noo-oooo…”
Antennae
Extending trust
Is difficult
Past, Tense
“I used to think that there was a reason for things.
Now I think more that one can find reason in things.”
Shifting Perspective
A way to suspend one’s self over the maw.
Callibrating
“396Hz vibrations actually increased my neck injury tension and head compression pressure.
I think that frequencies need to be adjusted to meeting where a person is in their own specific needs.
I’m not sure how this would be figured out, but I also found it to be true in my past experienced neurofeedback sessions.”
396 Hz To Destroy Negative Blockages
“I used to be interested in creating music to heal…”
My Dogs Are Waiting
“They don’t really have any other choice.
Their yard is taken over by the others’ activities – and my hound is given over too much now to sounding her mile out howl to be allowed to stay outside for long.
I have boots, now, and it was sunny, yesterday.
Maybe…
Maybe we could go for a small walk today.
But it takes a lot to get ready.
And they aren’t easy when I walk them together.
I have to have a harness system and brace within their veering to keep them in check and functional.
It’s much like managing a snow dog team, where I am the master, as well as the sled.
And I need to be careful how they pull on me while I keep my balance and feet planted.
It’s a toll challenge on my whole destabilized system.
And I’m not sure if I should be instead focusing on recovering from working.”
Why Can’t I Sleep?
“I need sleeeeep..”
“Base”
*sigh*
Darn…
“I will be missing my workout today.”
Just One Position
“Please at least give me one where I can be comfortable.”
Protocols
She had to be careful about what music she listened to these days in order to retain emotional regulation.
Insomniaaaaa
Baaanneeee
Fried Ringlets
“I guess I need to back off from blow drying my hair.”
(Broken Frequency – 7CloudAesthetic)
What I Do
To avoid Depression…
You know – that great opening chasming maw that is never satisfied no matter how many souls it swallows…
It’s Ev-Ry-Wheeeerree
“All sizes – and shapes – and forms!”
(Versions)
Self Chitter-Chatter
Definitely bird.
(TeleVisions – NØVMBR)
Steps…When?
Find Ableton tutorials that I paid for 2024
Open Ableton
Play first video
Identify objects
Navigate through haze
Process info – Darn It!
Adrenaline
Hypervigilance resulting in extreme insomnia ensured that the brain did not shut down while in shock’s repairing – yet also delayed recovery.
Missing In Description
It was anothrr major neck injury, which did not have breakage because she’d been relaxed by that day’s training session – but the impact had been severe.
Exercise
“The one consistency where faint hopes coincide.”
Stationary
I’m stuck on my phone
Too many sudden sounds startling to sleep
So why don’t I get up and try to progress?
Because it’s not enough
It’s never enough
And what I choose is “necessary”
In contrast to what my heart desires
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
Still Motion
Stuck in pause
Hearing clunks as others
Go about their activities
And I just cannot muster
The desire to join them
But maybe that’s ok because
They get the space for living
And I show up as a cameo
To be helped getting out the door
And then they get some privacy
Maybe this arrangement’s needed
And maybe I’m on pause so that
I do not hit replay of past memories
For I must guard that door carefully
And maybe my abilities are blocked
To wipe the slate clean for a reset
But this confuses and alarms me
Because I don’t have a quiet space
So that I can think and expand without
Having to curb reaction to stimulus
Staying in one place over time
Allows me to feel ebbs and flows
Yet I feel that I can’t produce
My life is on hold and I need
Yet am afraid to trust guidance
Independence allows room to breathe
Being alone is a known without
Worrying I won’t be enough
Because I need help
And also I know that
Once I recover (if, if, if, if, if)
I will want to fly again
But no man has stayed
When I am weak or strong
Always finding reason
To feel intimidated or let down
By their own lacks projected
Swinging like the disk of
A clock’s pendulum
And if I need help now
If I need saving now
Am I less than worthy
Of a man’s devotion?
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
It Seems That
“Much of my time is lying down, waiting for my internal rotators to line up so that I can function briefly – but then, I need to rest again.”
3 Day Countdown
It is extremely alarming (and hard to manage not over-reacting) to be unable to pay for my bills or housing.
Wishing I Could
The father in her dream told her forcefully that he was tired of her wasting time “playing injured'” and that she better start getting up at early every morning “like everybody else had to” and get back to work.
She got away from this confrontation, retreating to and locking him out of her bedroom, and fumbled with her phone for too long (dream delay imposed difficulties) to call her mother for supportive backup.
Then she began looking at ads and calling businesses where she could work so that she could move out and reclaim her non-toxuc independence.
As if this was a real option.
(Uuhai – Khar Khulz)
A Brace Against Pain
She knew that how we’ve been raised is to insist that the olders be included within a household for things of important merit, such as opening of presents.
But she also knew – apparently cutting edge – that when two families overlap, the youngers need to have a sense of their own reality’s independence.
Bantering At Anonymous Messages
“Listen, I can’t get emotionally strung out and strung along involved if my love is not actually here in my environment for me to be able to help with whatever the issue is.”
New Bruise
Falling gently backward against something at an odd angle placed irregularily.
Comfort
She needed direct, in person, essential exchange with him.
Parietal
Stuck compression.
Heartache
Ever since the concussion, she could not find comfort, and her heart would jolt her wide awake when in certain positions desperate for sleeping.
