Category: Altered States
Back To Work
“Well, all of this has certainly sucked – and I am pretty much back to fending for myself again, despite injuries.
Yeah, I need to file for disability – because there is no way that I can attain previous numbers, again.
And yeah, the physicality of the therapies tears me apart, but that is why I’ve entered into modality retraining.
But I have to get through another year before I have things shifted onto a new track, and any help from society is waning.
At least, my neck having surgery is not a viable option, because at this point, it wouldn’t help anything.
My hips, however – they won’t consider surgery due to my age.
So I am just sh** out of luck – literally, no matter which way I turn.
At least I can try to regenerate some cash flow, again.
And let’s not even discuss my shoulders or spine…”
Yeah…
“It is kind of brutally funny, this living amid personal tragedy.”
Suspended Animation
Although she seemed to have little control over the direction that her ship was hurtling, she could play with the gravity adjustments and attempt to reduce her discomfort.”
EEE-YA-AH!
“Aparrently, lifting weight makes my hip joints lose their sh**!”
(“The PAIN!!!” – original Dune quote)
Focusing Upon The Quantum Gap
Big Toe
“It has taken several months, but it is healing!”
Not Much Rest
“For the weary, in my house.”
(Silent Wave – Vibfy, Best Tracks of August, Lost Underground)
When Walls Crumble
“She couldn’t care anymore about others’ opinions.
She needed the man inside his body.”
(Lost Elevation – Vibfy)
Full Body Muscle Spasms
“I could help my body recover, if I were the therapist on the outside, rather than stuck within it.”
Identifying The Issue
“I have some brain injury that interferes with visual data perception – ie: icons, pathway navigation relationships, once I engage my eyes to use the computer.
It also interferes with brain to vocal throat and jaw verbal transitions from thought to speech.
I mask this last bit well, but can feel the lag and glitches in stream of thought disruption and delays in muscle activation when I externally communicate.”
Note To Self
“I hate the smell of ‘bong water’ lingering in the moist bathroom.”
—
(Smell of unknown origins)
And Then,
“Semi-peed on the potty pad.
Sheesh.”
So Many Things
“The new dogs tore up some of my roses, which need watering and tending.”
What’s All This Buzz?
The humming of a system
Coiled tight ready to strike
Veinous pounding speed
Launching fight into flight
Ain’t no progress being made
On higher plane hopes tonight
Another day wasted
Apparently preparing
To counteract
More blight
And Then,
As she tries to move toward any office functionality, more financial losses are found to be accelerating.
Locking Down
Family having just returned, the dogs go off again like wild banshees for the umpteenth time.
She’s not going to go out there.
Because if she does, the rage at pain and sense of injustice regarding her own baseline security’s needs not being tended to will just blast a hole into their delicately repairing relationships.
If I Leave My Room
“Everything else will demand my attention – but the day’s worked-for calm has been shot to Hell, anyway.
Now I have to put my body into movement to try to ride out the cortisol.”
Pragmatic B.S.
“Well, at least this injury is new…
That’s good, right?
Evening out to more territory being f-ed up is positive, right?
More terrain taking on load damage surely means I’m healing – RIGHT?!!”
God, Why?
“I don’t even know what I did, but now my right shoulder blade is twisting-tight ginked.
Perhaps because I need to PUNCH something real HARD!
So fun being ‘wrecked’…”
Give It To Me
Just give me some actual peace
Where not only can I recover but
Then next emergencies just feck right OFF
Instead of causing adrenal muscle spasms!
Another Fight
“Past benefits taking current benefits, and I’m still in the hole – FECK!””
Voices In Dreams
“I don’t know what you’re saying,” as she shifted groggily, trying to sleep.
“I’m still cold and my hip’s displaced,” indicating they’d just have to wait
(The World You See – Cristoph, Franky Wah, & Artche)
Another Word Of The Day: Fantasy
“A way to cope with and survive despite the hardships of reality…though these days, reality is pressing to crush me.”
Going Crazy
“Stuck within tangled branches.”
I Understand
“Why people settle for less.”
(The Way You Make Me Feel – Michael Jackson)
Luckily
“I have someplace to be.”
Come On!
“Other people’s pot permeates my room.”
The Bathroom
“Smells like roses, but I do not know what from…”
Somehow
“I used five hours…”
(Dire, Dire Docks – Super Mario 64 Soundtrack)
Why Do I Feel
“More fragile, more sensitive, more tenuously introverted this time around?
I still extend and interact, but inside I’m quivering.”
(Highway To Hell – AC/DC)
Sleep Deprivation
“From things we must tend to when daily life has been thrown out of balance.”
Up Too Late
“More agency paperwork.”
(Unintended – Muse)
If They’d Just
“If they could do contrast on my spine, they’d see more extensive damage than I’m given credit for.”
It Turns Out
“Both hips also took damage.”
Grim Whatevers
“I don’t have many of the few supports that I used to rely upon – whether caffeine for brain waking and then later calming, or rest in sleep.”
“Frenzy”
A Bone To Pick
“Must be picked when needing picking.”
(Games Without Frontiers – Peter Gabriel)
Free Will
“I don’t want to have faith in a god who causes or allows suffering.”
(Oh! Wot a Dream – Kevin Ayers)
Struggle
“‘Brings down the walls of pride,’ state lyrics from a religious song.
‘Middle fingers in the air,’ if that’s the type of god we must endure – giving me more and more crisis to bear (all of us, for that matter).
No ‘free will’ kept promises, here – just mixed-messaging lashes and unconsentual bondage.”
It’s Very Nice
“To be able to help my loved ones gives purpose to the struggles.
Avoiding unnecessary vet bills in time of financial deficit is crucial.
I’ve been helping to unwind dog muscle lockdowns to free up bellies for digestion.
Of course, then I need to rest my back on top of a heating pad.”
Candid Corvid Productions 