She wasn’t going to fight with a ghost.
Category: Altered States
What Offends Me
“Being messed with and given empty promises.”
Walls Closing In
Her inner horse began bucking and kicking in all directions around her as perceptions of impending failures and too long unfed starvation for love’s reality began collapsing in on her emotional psychology.
“One day at a time!
One day at a time!
For F’s sake – ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!“
Resolute
The concussion scenario being a dead end recipe for complete disempowerment, she just kept trying to do whatever she could try to do, despite it – peppered with moments of stopping for breaks to try to rest.
(Show Me The Way – Styx)
Talk About
“A War Of Attrition…”
(Sleep Token reference)
Braaaaiiiiinnn
“One could think that being told one must rest for recovery would be liberating.
But it isn’t – no, not one bit – not one bit at all when one’s boat is sinking.”
Wrecked
People driving stupid despite black ice season, then honking as if they have rights to push other people to speed up and join them.
Pulling over to reset because don’t want to take that b.s. energy home.
Angel Numbers
“No matter what, they all say stay positive.
They can go F- off, too.”
“Round About” (Song)
By Athena Stairs, January 8, 2026 Early AM
Trippin’
I’m flippin’
‘Round and ’round
Clock cycles bound
Time never found
Just wheels spinnin’
While grinin’
Never winnin’
Except to keep clingin’
To bare minimums
—
(Contact me for permissions)
“Safe” Love
Distant
Shallow
Idealistic
Conscripted Designs
“A song sings about ‘Maybe I’m still here ’cause I got work to do.’
And already feeling extremely alienated and dissociated, I just yelled back at the radio – ‘Well F**k You! I don’t want to be just a vessel!’
Now I’m feeling extreme deja vu.”
Click!
Turns off fan and leaves blessed heat, regretfully.
I Think, Therefore
“I shall stay in this sauna ‘forever!'”
A Singular Thought
“Bake me.”
Shiver-Cackling
It was so darn cold in her house this time of year – even with a space heater, heating pad, and electric blanket going.
However, as she went to turn off the shower portion of the bathroom’s heating fan that she had left on earlier to further dissipate moisture from the prior evening, she realized thar compartment had now turned into a sauna – and gleefully stepped into it with a wolf’s grin toothy smile.
Building On Belief
“A doctor’s assistant doing initial intake before I saw my primary recently listened to how I’d discovered that my workouts had actually been gaining ground in restabilizing my spine – and then how devastated I was to have that progress disrupted and basically wrenched from my hands from the concussive fall.
Whereupon, I was surprised and encouraged when she reflected my prior once faith back to me by saying assuredly, ‘But you can get that back…'”
I Was Astonished
“That the orthopedic doctor actually said, ‘What good would an MRI do?’ – and he’s a surgical specialist!”
Finances
“Things are coming together as a household as essential restabilizing pieces are almost acquired and some final gaps must be overcome.”
I Wish It Were Different, But
“My house is constantly dirty with dust and animal tracking due to the weather and the efforts it takes to keep up with the cleaning, which I cannot often do.”
(Smack My Bitch Up – The Prodigy)
Hysterical
Reactionisms
Emotional
Exhaustion
(School’s Out – Alice Cooper)
Maybe,
“Something vital was being pinched.”
Phasing
She could feel her energy glitching from the effort it took to stay in one plane.
I Am Literally
“Quite twitchy.”
Dr’s Note
“There’s this feeling that I can’t place, like being body-slammed or hit in the face – felt since hearing that the only recovery path for my concussion is rest minus brain use activities when survival requires opposite.”
(Black Velvet – Alannah Myles)
Song repost from January 2022.
I Am Tired Of Struggling
“Pick A Subject…”
(We Could Be Love – Hayden James & AR/CO, Rivo & Mark Hoffen Remix)
Sleep
Deprived
—
(Multiple meanings)
(Movin’ Right Along – Muppet Sing Along)
Parallel Tracks
Narrowed fields of vision
Along gaptic crossways
Make it near unfathomable to
Work several projects linearly
Thunk!
“I got a deep hip adjustment when I extended my leg out for a stretch while on my back.
Maybe I’m closer to some better tracking!”
Stress Jolting
Suddenly being woken up from the neighbors pounding nails loud-repeatdly into their roofing’s pummeling richochets against her outer bedroom wall and straight through her body was a disastrously immediate recipe for her body cortisol dumping.
Catching Up With Falling Down
She was hungry
And her neck and head hurt.
Getting up hurt,
Staying up hurt.
Thinking hurt.
Needing love and yearning burt.
Wanting hurt.
Not having hurt.
Lack of any options hurt.
Striving now felt pointless.
Purposeless.
Her father warned depression could come from concussion.
But that wasn’t why she hurt.
She hurt because the accidents hurt her and she couldn’t have what her soul and heart wanted because they hurt her.
She couldn’t reclaim her self determination’s independence or feel free – only disepowerment.
She couldn’t have tbe man she wanted who reawakened her to things long buried.
She couldn’t have the dreams that had kept her vital despite setbacks.
She was being rendered obsolete to society not just from arbitrary age bias, but because she couldn’t perform on the treadmill, any.more.
She was becoming irrelevant even to herself because she could no longer single-handedly provide for her family’s – or even now, her own – survival.
Insomnia
Night after night
I must sing along
(Imagination – Gorgon City & Katy Menditta)
Keep Workin’
“The equations.”
(Pull Up – Hugel & Mydoz)
Dear Followers
“Please, please feel free to unsubscribe.
This is my place for self expression.
None of you need to be on this ride.”
Darn It!
“I’ve hurt myself from today’s workout.
I can barely do anything, now, without reinjury!”
Concussed Fatigue
Another aspect of injury is that
My body tires quickly standing
(Passio – Paxy)
Couldn’tt find English lyrics translation
Where Are You From?
Fu** You!
Impact damage
Downgradation
Makes me want to
Scream in rebellion
Gaps In Synapses
I have three brain injuries now
Original, new, and combined
Did I say this?
Have I said this?
The walls are thicker
Behind closing doors
Help Me Before I Fall
I Was Afriad
After the concussion
My arms became weak
My hands and face had
Increased numb patterns
Body and limb discoordination
Was knocked back into tailspin
Neck instability meant any movement
Upon elliptical pulled on brain injury
So now I do even less at the gym
To allow myself to try to catch up
