Category: Altered States

Hypervigilance resulting in extreme insomnia ensured that the brain did not shut down while in shock’s repairing – yet also delayed recovery.

It was anothrr major neck injury, which did not have breakage because she’d been relaxed by that day’s training session – but the impact had been severe.

“The one consistency where faint hopes coincide.”

I’m stuck on my phone
Too many sudden sounds startling to sleep
So why don’t I get up and try to progress?
Because it’s not enough
It’s never enough
And what I choose is “necessary”
In contrast to what my heart desires

—

(Title of multiple meanings)

Stuck in pause
Hearing clunks as others
Go about their activities
And I just cannot muster
The desire to join them
But maybe that’s ok because
They get the space for living
And I show up as a cameo
To be helped getting out the door
And then they get some privacy
Maybe this arrangement’s needed
And maybe I’m on pause so that
I do not hit replay of past memories
For I must guard that door carefully
And maybe my abilities are blocked
To wipe the slate clean for a reset
But this confuses and alarms me
Because I don’t have a quiet space
So that I can think and expand without
Having to curb reaction to stimulus
Staying in one place over time
Allows me to feel ebbs and flows
Yet I feel that I can’t produce
My life is on hold and I need
Yet am afraid to trust guidance
Independence allows room to breathe
Being alone is a known without
Worrying I won’t be enough
Because I need help
And also I know that
Once I recover (if, if, if, if, if)
I will want to fly again
But no man has stayed
When I am weak or strong
Always finding reason
To feel intimidated or let down
By their own lacks projected
Swinging like the disk of
A clock’s pendulum
And if I need help now
If I need saving now
Am I less than worthy
Of a man’s devotion?

—

(Title of multiple meanings)

“Much of my time is lying down, waiting for my internal rotators to line up so that I can function briefly – but then, I need to rest again.”

Stuck compression.