“Did you miss me?” the neighbor asked.
“I appreciate my privacy,” she responded.
“That’s not a straight answer,” he noted.
“But, it’s my reply.”
Category: Altered States
The Swing
It either mattered
Too much or
Not enough.
Up That Hill
“Pushing
And Pushing
And Pushing
And Pu-Shing…”
Wax Pa-per
“I have a lot of it, somehow, and find it very funny that I am temporarily using it as shelf and drawer lining until I can find my real stash.”
Drips And Drabs
“Always looking for safe moments of ‘give.’
Like when the storage bill is due, but it turns out there is a 7 day grace period…”
Patterns Of Rejection
“Abandoned or
‘Inadvertently’ shoved
Onto the ice flow.”
And The Wolf
“Just bypasses the barrier gate that I’ve hastily set up to come into the bedroom and look at me.
In her quiet way, her cloudy eyes clearly convey what she thinks that I should next be doing.
(Time to take them out, a-gaaaaaiiinnnn)
I Don’t Know
“When things get real hard, I bear down and push through them – no ‘nonsense’ allowed – and my expansive thinking is not as much available to me.
So with my hound suddenly misbehaving – getting food aggressive with the wolf and then bay-screaming in housing tight within community after reexposure to a dog that had in the past attacked her but had been part of our family…
When I was nervous, afraid, and/or insecure as a child, everyone just avoided, hard disciplined, and/or yelled at me.
I am not a natural intuitive when it comes to dog psychology.
And with the hound, giving whining and other associative ‘negative’ behavior ‘good’ attention just seens to reinforce her insecurities.”
(Another Tricky Day – The Who)
A New Suit
“Of armor settles over me.
Lighter with more mobility.
Yet, more restricting.”
Muscle Tension
“From doing too much, and ever compounding.”
Moldy Zucchinni
“Fine!
Frozen pizza it is, then!”
Laughter At A Recipe’s Instructions
“Yeah –
That’s not happenin…'”
My 50’s
Zombie
“I’m not a-waaaaaaaaake!”
Agitation
“They say ‘things get better with time…’
No they don’t.
Not if they keep ramping up intensities.”
Now, That’s
“‘Gratitude.'”
Beyond “Empty-Nesting”
“Being tossed from one’s own nest.”
Banishing Misery
“Having to keep on pushing and prodding the self forward too much.
Yet, rather than countering or meeting such energy directly, if my partner could just swoop on in joining, then it would not be so hard to give over the lead.”
It’s Funny
“Because I absolutely adore and crave creative romance…
But I feel so burnt out right now that I just want to ‘cut to the chase’ and experience being loved.
I need to feel my love’s warm and caring arms around me.”
“Love Messages”
“He” was coming “tonight” and told the viewer to get ready – elaborating for her to prepare by clearing her schedule, fin8shing tasks, and scattering rose petals.
It would, indeed, be a night that they would always remember.
She had just cleaned up and mopped a nass of dog pee.
She was wearing sweat pants.
And she could not afford time nor money nor energy units to suddenly go out and scramble to find rose petals.
Cave Dweller
“What is PMS, anyway?
Don’t look at me as if I should know – just because I am female.
I mean, it turns women into emotional spikers – even to the point of feeling volatile.
Where is this attractive?
How can this be part of good mating strategy?
Are our bodies angry because we are not pregnant?
Is PMS supposed to push us to having aggressive initiative that overcomes initial reserve and shyness?!”
(Move [Keep Walkin’] – TobyMac)
(
Eating Pickles & Cheese
“Over the sink, while the dogs pant on the edge of the kitchen, pressuring me.”
Perceptions
“Are subject to assessments, then judgements.”
After 4am
“I finally divested.”
I Fell Asleep In My Clothes
“Because I couldn’t ‘stand’ to walk, again.”
(Content play)
(Back On The Chain Gain – The Pretenders)
“Recovery”
Working pushing capacities
Continuing to sort and clean up
Wreckage of drastic transition
Trying to make the best of it
Close To The Edge
Trying to make good decisions.”
Life Stages
Masks can provide a forum whereby self expression reveals.
(Title play with words)
It’s Late, Again…
“What have I been doing?
I must be partying…”
(Never-ending moving details…)
Missed Phone Call
“Nothing to report…”
The Great Phone Brigade
“The issue being that this new phone is a middle step between…
More powerful to where it no longer qualifies to perform easier, downgraded versions of programs.
Not advanced enough to do much beyond near-teetering upon total lockdown collapse from managing too much data – thereby rendering cross-transference of information that once could have easily been shared as now untenable.”
What Is Any Of The Struggle For?
“At Baseline…Just Getting Through It.”
Wasted Time
“The efforts that have been expended today to produce just one post on this phone now that hosts massive incompatabilities within and between programs is a loss of time and increase of stressed vexation that just Royally SUCKS!”
Earth Mover
I used to move Heaven when once could use wings. But then paused in flying, forsaking finer things.
Held back for a ground dweller who refused to fly. Delayed even further as young learned to try.
Then found wings were broken as wrapping up tight. No matter my efforts, encountered more blight.
Then one launched and another as I fell on my head. Put shoulders to ground, shoving boulders instead.
Pushed out of my cave, found myself on a ridge. Could not leap with faith, so I clung as I’d dig.
Unmoveable rock only yielded going up. No water in my well – only dirt in my cup.
What I valued before has been back-filled and more. What dreams I had then have now passed through a door.
As find myself Elsewhere, still don’t know what for. Deep pain in the struggle stays a mystery, ever more.
—
(Reference to the phrase, “to move Heaven and earth”)
Prizes!
“I reached into my coat pocket for my headphones, and when I pulled them out, they were wrapped tightly around my chapstick and a honey cough drop – like in that carnival Go-Fishing game.”
“I Go For You, Too”
In A Bird’s Eye
Self Made Woman
“This may be a true statement on many accounts, but I could not have gotten this far without help from supportive people.”
“Lord?”
“I did ask for help when…
Nor when…
Nor even when…
But I lift my hands to the sky now and beg: please help my hound go pee!”
—
(Her extreme anxiety from loud repair worker engine machines preventing her…)
Me With A Hound And A Husky
“How does ‘Come on’ mean ‘Go over there?!'”
Injury To Insult
“Walking outside with my dogs, like a surely drunkard who’s been hit by a bus…now where’s my alcohol?!”
I Have Been Thrust
“Into circumstances that I would not have chosen for my self.”
Wrenching Setbacks
“The untrained and too-strong dogs pulled my joints into beyond-tolerance strain-torsions – thereby destroying my plans of attending to moving droves of plants and furniture.
And I realized upon first entering and encountering the same behaviors and pee mess as I lost my reserve and became semi-hysterical-flustered trying to figure out how to use the harnesses I’d never seen before while fresh pee on the floor was occurring…
I am just too fec-king burnt out to be helping with this situation right now – especially when my own paradigm is still torn and tatter-shattered.”
Bonus Find
“An uncovered remaining container of still fresh gluten-free blueberry muffins.”
Callibrating
Tracking and analyzing resources and patterns at distance to determine best efficiencies for recovery.”
Why Still Here?
“in my car, ankles swelling, managing things on my phone, as if I do not have housing.”
Car Bin Remnants
“I am not going to eat that uncertain number of days-old hard boiled egg, despite the fact that it is cold as if it has stayed refrigerated and emits an innocent lure temptation.”
Candid Corvid Productions 