Category: Altered States

Somehow, the new curtains completed her bedroom in such a way, that it felt like a captain’s cabin on a ship would.

“Are you freaking out?

‘Cause I’m not freaking out regarding today’s deadline at all…

Oh, noo-oooo…”

Extending trust
Is difficult

“I used to think that there was a reason for things.

Now I think more that one can find reason in things.”

A way to suspend one’s self over the maw.

“They don’t really have any other choice.

Their yard is taken over by the others’ activities – and my hound is given over too much now to sounding her mile out howl to be allowed to stay outside for long.

I have boots, now, and it was sunny, yesterday.

Maybe…

Maybe we could go for a small walk today.

But it takes a lot to get ready.

And they aren’t easy when I walk them together.

I have to have a harness system and brace within their veering to keep them in check and functional.

It’s much like managing a snow dog team, where I am the master, as well as the sled.

And I need to be careful how they pull on me while I keep my balance and feet planted.

It’s a toll challenge on my whole destabilized system.

And I’m not sure if I should be instead focusing on recovering from working.”

“I need sleeeeep..”

*sigh*

“I will be missing my workout today.”

She had to be careful about what music she listened to these days in order to retain emotional regulation.

“I guess I need to back off from blow drying my hair.”

Definitely bird.

The father in her dream told her forcefully that he was tired of her wasting time “playing injured'” and that she better start getting up at early every morning “like everybody else had to” and get back to work.

She got away from this confrontation, retreating to and locking him out of her bedroom, and fumbled with her phone for too long (dream delay imposed difficulties) to call her mother for supportive backup.

Then she began looking at ads and calling businesses where she could work so that she could move out and reclaim her non-toxuc independence.

As if this was a real option.

She knew that how we’ve been raised is to insist that the olders be included within a household for things of important merit, such as opening of presents.

But she also knew – apparently cutting edge – that when two families overlap, the youngers need to have a sense of their own reality’s independence.

“Listen, I can’t get emotionally strung out and strung along involved if my love is not actually here in my environment for me to be able to help with whatever the issue is.”

She needed direct, in person, essential exchange with him.

She had removed the item, for though it was supposed to protect, it drew from her energy.

Yet once it was taken off, her strength diminished back to a feeling of frailty.

“That I am becoming less flexible, and more specialized…”

If she knew.

Hide and Seek