Category: Altered States

“A doctor’s assistant doing initial intake before I saw my primary recently listened to how I’d discovered that my workouts had actually been gaining ground in restabilizing my spine – and then how devastated I was to have that progress disrupted and basically wrenched from my hands from the concussive fall.

Whereupon, I was surprised and encouraged when she reflected my prior once faith back to me by saying assuredly, ‘But you can get that back…'”

“That the orthopedic doctor actually said, ‘What good would an MRI do?’ – and he’s a surgical specialist!”

“Quite twitchy.”

“There’s this feeling that I can’t place, like being body-slammed or hit in the face – felt since hearing that the only recovery path for my concussion is rest minus brain use activities when survival requires opposite.”

“Pick A Subject…”

Narrowed fields of vision
Along gaptic crossways

Make it near unfathomable to
Work several projects linearly

“I got a deep hip adjustment when I extended my leg out for a stretch while on my back.

Maybe I’m closer to some better tracking!”

“I’ve hurt myself from today’s workout.

I can barely do anything, now, without reinjury!”

Another aspect of injury is that
My body tires quickly standing

Impact damage
Downgradation

Makes me want to
Scream in rebellion

I have three brain injuries now
Original, new, and combined

Did I say this?
Have I said this?

The walls are thicker
Behind closing doors

After the concussion
My arms became weak

My hands and face had
Increased numb patterns

Body and limb discoordination
Was knocked back into tailspin

Neck instability meant any movement
Upon elliptical pulled on brain injury

So now I do even less at the gym
To allow myself to try to catch up

I need to get back into
Previous yoga-pilates

But it was not safe to
After the car accident

So it’s hard to believe
Strength will recover

Although time’s passing
Says to do now not later

As my body resettling
Moves to new “normal”

It brings to the surface
Support tissue atrophy

When lying upon a shoulder
Things sink where shouldn’t

Causing destabilizing strains
To bone attachment structure

Going into third year of recovery’s
Recurring negative enforcements

—

(Title of multiple meanimgs)

“We are pretty dissatisfied in this current predicament.”

When my grandparents finally rested,
They either gave up & chose to die or
Stayed in bed for the rest of their lives

Being unable to work
Dependent on systems

Has very much sucked as
I prefer self determination