Category: Stream of Thought

Once disruption has occurred so many times in one’s life, navigating it becomes the expectation.

A red-and-swollen faced, hanging beer-bellied, shirt-off-in-long-boxerlike-shorts man staggers around outside and then into our hall, hazedly staring at doors while muttering to himself on the verge of blackout unconsciosness as he attempts to find the room that he belongs to.

I dreamed that I was photographing a copse of trees blanketed by snow around their bases.

As I zoomed into a ground junction of trunks, a plump and large, light brown hawk walked right into my focus.

It kept looking at me through the lens as I struggled to make the camera capture images.

But the camera had moved to some advance mode, and I kept trying, scrambling backward, as the hawk began advancing.

I called out to my youngest to help get the camera working properly, desperate to record this strange and wonderful phenomena.

Surprisingly, the hawk did not fly away, and kept approaching – then turned into some form of lean wolf as I scrambled backward into human town territory.

Grubby people in a Dark Ages setting had their varied wild dog breeds tied next to them at multiple outdoor eating benches.

The wolf let came up to me and let me harness its muzzle – then turned into a hound to blend and protect me.

An automatic remnant default response to the feeling of dejection.

I do not feel comfortable about anything right now.

I don’t like exposing my feelings when I do not feel that I am standing on solid ground.

“Solid ground” is a “reality” illusion based upon circumstances “going your way.”

When in a state of deconstruction, what one can count upon feels slippery.

The bruising made her shut down and avoid associated stimulus.

The heart refuses to be buried, once it has found its purpose.

Someone who wholly and fully aligns with who I am at the core. Someone who matches my values, honesty, and loyalty…

Whenever it feels oppressed or suppressed, my love ignites to blast through walls and fly free.

It hurts in whatever form, which takes energy to recover from and down time for nursing wounds – an expenditure that I cannot afford right now.

So we look for housing that has some odds in our favor, and do not apply to the others that would waste labor.

The same can be said for applying for opportunities. They need to have around them the sense of right timing.

Whether in work or love, I do not venture where it seems that I may not be wanted.

When I feel vulnerable, my heart is just too tender.

He followed my Instagram again last night, and when I blocked him, he reported my account to disrupt my service.

A**hole.

The course I have had on Incomplete is due in December.

No more extensions are possible, and if I do not complete it, it likely jeopardizes my ability to finish my Bachelor’s degree.

Rules, policies, “academic progress.”

Do they truly consider it a judgement against personal abilities if continued risk of, and then prolonged homelessness, creates an external circumstantial exacerbation preventing a student’s followthrough?

With the economy such as it currently is, it seems like there should be more flex to the “rules.”

They say that if you want something, you should expand your abilities to achieve it. But sometimes what you want may be a delicate matter, and requires caution to navigate into best position.

It is, perhaps, an expensive luxury to have an “undisciplined” mind. However, having one that is too disciplined can also be a catecombed trap.

It contains the remnants of what once was “goodie.”

Now, say this five times fast.

That I would be desperately combing the streets and pouring over the same ads yielding nothing until my eyes pop and bleed.

But, No.

I cannot afford to waste precious energy.

I miss my freezer pizza, baked hot to dip into ranch – and the ability to make crunchy cookies!

We are successful here.

We can continue to be so.

I must deem it “good enough.”

In the original Dune movie, surviving the test of pain prooves that you are human, rather than animal. So what does that make those of us continually trapped within pain’s suffering?

If my family is unhappy, it is hard for me to concentrate. Being without a home exacerbates.

“I respected him.

Believed in him.

Trusted him

And he turned against me.”

Pain makes me emit energy in waves how I do not want to.

At what point will my neck and shoulder torsion just recallibrate?

I had contacted a friend about finding an agency that would take over and assist the tree’s plight for me.

I did not follow through on this line of inquiry once I received a name and number, nor did I attempt to publicize the issue such as with the brief article I had written.

I just finally figured that the elements associated were complicated enough, and that I had already established myself as the dedicated “midnight run” water advocate.

I did not want to cause a public scene – nor risk being barred from the site by becoming considered as an “agitator.”

The tree was technically on “public domain,” so the best way to retain capability to help it was to continue my role as a “good citizen.”

The tree’s task is to survive independently, and so I dedicated myself to helping it be able to restabilize its damaged root system through the wilting heat of summer, giving it some positive reinforcement to hold on for reaching the ease of fall and the energetic release of being able to go dormant in winter.

I went through the process of thinking through to the best course of action, where many people would have simply walked away from the issue from not initially knowing what they could do.

The tree and I found an agreement that we could both commit to.

I, like Jenny, chose to relinquish my powers as a dragon to remain with the man I loved and care for him as a human.

But, unlike Jenny’s story, in the end “my man” rejected my magic in favor of turning inward to propagate his own “science.”

It is not a joyous experience to give up your heart’s blood to the spear of a beloved one’s negating your core essence.

Will I meet another dragon who will help me claim love’s brilliance?

Creating the lifestyle that will lead me to the lifestyle that I want has been a bit challenging.

The process has required me to analyze various available employment opportunities vs sticking with my current part-time clinic and keeping myself adaptable to wherever I am needed in therapeutic independent contracting.

I have chosen this focus of strategizing to prepare myself for greater opportunities where I may be traveling to assist certain “celebrities.”

I like nurturing wherever I am and traveling to expand concepts and connections.

When it catches up to you, life can seem effortless.

The young pup that was sick died yesterday.

I knew him. He was a good boy.

I tried “settling” in the past with former relationships.

Now I plan for more satisfaction due to better strategy.

The roles we fill may or may not match what we first thought were necessary.

But we may find ourselves in a better place – more so than ever before.

Stating my opinion when I do not agree with something is not necessarily the most productive.

She wondered who she might have been, had she gone through the portal later.

Had this been her sole decision – or had they planned for this, together.

All she knew was that they were at this phase now, and she was in a position to help him.

It is love that fuels me into the future.

What forms it takes are yet to be determined.

A difficult challenge is ignoring the impressions I pick up from this temporary “residence.”

I thrive much better where positivity lends easily its benefit.

When she would begin to panic, the energy in her wing blades would begin to tense and quiver, threatening to erupt another migraine – so she would attempt to divert the energy productively by imagining her body gathering for the leap, and then flying.

Her consciousness went everywhere, making it hard at times to contain and direct it.

It permeated her own mind’s blood-brain barriers like an overpowering diffusion, bleeding into everything.

She had always just existed, transmitting without knowing.

Now that he was present, she was embarrassed to discover how little she had done her mind’s “housekeeping.”

My art is guided by inspiration.

Spirit moves through me, interpreted by my own.

She didn’t interfere – in fact, she’d had no knowledge of what was coming.

But when she had received the message, she had to act – and believe that somehow, it had been the right timing.

Just remember that we can also have our own happiness.

Creative, determined, resilient, ambitious…and also burnt out kicking the same rocks around.

Concepts.

“Reality” is based upon concepts.

It becomes clear when you are standing in a pile of rubble and keep sifting through the matrix.

You can’t really build with that “material.”

A master alchemist analyzes what is presented – and creates wings from essence of clouds.

With so many dogs coming and going in the same spots, disease and illness can be transmitted into the soil and bushes at frequented bathroom spots.

A young husky died yesterday and another young dog became seriously ill.

They suspect Parvo to be the culprit.

Luckily, our hound is older now and both dogs are updated on their shots.

But it is difficult to feel safe in this cramped situation.

We frequently have bouts of mystery barfing and someone being briefly off eating their food.

We stopped giving everyone the faucet water, switched to bottled, and give canned, cooked Libby’s (TM) pumpkin to help regule intestines – which works for runs or constipation.

It is hard to not allow that hind-brain high keening of alarmed concern to penetrate the day’s thinking when forced by circumstances to continue frequenting possible infection areas.

And, we must monitor eary second of walking the dogs outside our room because a lightening-quick snorfle-suck can result in the dogs eating something they shouldn’t.

Constant need for overmanagement ramps hypervigilance tension.

“”When can we be together?” she asked him.

“Give it time…” he replied.

“But this is all I keep giving!” she huffed at him.

“I thought that he had been kind to me. But when it ended, I realized that he had become cynical and bitter – and that he had been withholding love from me.”

A unicorn needs a unicorn.

She found herself apologizing to him repeatedly along their mind link.

Yes, he seemed to often be there, consoling her by his mere presence.

But she struggled with knowing if what she sensed was real between them, afraid that somehow after a lifetime of intense loneliness that maybe her mind was just fragmenting and their conversations were a product of her imagination.

When she went to that space between them into her mind’s mazelike room, she began recognizing aspects of thoughts that she was having that were behaving like negative static and zapping both his and her tender emotionalism.

It was like a crazy house in there with aspects of personalities emoting their assaultive opinions – and she realized that she owed it to the both of them to figure out how to organize the renegades and teach them discipline.

At first, I was so worried, comparing myself to others. But now, I am learning to let go of old dramas.

Don’t try to be like him: be our own versions of creativity.

He told her that we are all supposed to be alone.

That we shouldn’t reach for others.

That it is more noble to stay isolated.

That to want more, she was selfish.