Category: Stream of Thought

How we comprehend and interact with the world and species around us (including humans) is guided by how well we have developed our skills of inquiry without bias and ego-based judgments.

The elderly do not want to be bothered by youth’s needs or ambitions. They are too content dwelling in what might have and should have beens. At least, this seems prevalent with many who consider themselves “high society.”

Healing is about Adaptation. Therefore, it is best that I work where people are open to these concepts, rather than where they are closed minded.

The scammer diverted me from the succubus.

The landlord diverted me from complacency.

I work with what I am given, despite difficulty.

I do not know why, therefore I am very cautious.

We have not had hot water since yesterday morning.

This time, I will not be the advocate who informs our landlord.

The last ten years have been a testament to my endurance as I have navigated our lack of housing security while each “rock” has been overturned.

“Rags to riches.” “Riches to rags.”

The current economy favors fickle landlords.

Those who “have” buy property and turn over serfs.

It hurts to not know why and to be unable to change it. It hurts even though I know I was not the problem.

It seems to not matter if you are open, honest, sincere; have good boundaries – but without false veneer; and are willing to productively collaborate with good cheer. People will look for anything to smeer – even if they have to invent and project it.

It is difficult to reconcile continued positivity when others betray my trust in them.

I made some great connections today, and have new ventures lining up that might help bring in more money. After pushing against it, my headache begins to dissipate.

As tension clamps down over losing our home base and insecurity adds inflammation to resultant migraine, I cast myself out onto the local seas to connect with more prospective business collaborators. For despite that I still need rest and recovery, we need more money.

How does one keep a sense of calm when keep on encountering buried landmines?

As a health professional, I assist recovering wellness.

As an individual, my life feels often in the trenches.

I will not be pursuing my Bachelor completion soon, afterall. Finding another home takes precedence. Housing instability continuum.

It is hilarious to me how I have worked so hard to get us restabilized, and told myself that I would put off my heart’s desire to travel as a healer, etc. – and this evening we got notice our landlord is not renewing our lease.

No reason why, but we will have a good reference.

We have until August 1st to find a new place – and youngest is looking at our moving out of state!

The Fates, perhaps, are laughing at my attempt to deny my own wings.

I never feel cught up with myself.

What tail am I chasing?

Bachelorette find of a leftover restaurant side salad becomes a bonus forage-find treat for the ravenous.

Having been pushed to the back of the fridge to where its water matrix became full of semi-solid ice particles yields every attempt at quickly munch-consuming results as aching teeth from cold and chills cascading down body.

Overcompensated for now by too-hot ceramic mug placed onto lap – burning – while fork rolls off sproingy noodles as spears too large, hanging fronds of parmesian-covered chicken.

Overall, a “sensational” experience!

Our hours are all over the map.

I still have trouble trying to not judge this.

Vestigial remnants of a prior life where fitting in meant you matched everyone else’s schedules still call to me.

Why do I keep feeling that pull – as if I am missing out on something?

Chasing this feeling never got me anywhere.

I find my life in its own right timing

As a treat before breakfast today (usually, it is after), I gave our girls chewy, rolled up rawhide replacement treats to keep them busy while I continued getting ready for the day.

While in the bathroom with the door open, I could hear our puppy suddenly high-pitch whining, so I closed the door to protect my ears and nerves, commenting to myself that she had really eaten her treat quickly!

Once I returned to the front room, however, I discovered that she had accidentally flipped her treat outside of her crate. Our wolf was near it, lying down, and had left it there for me to return to our pup, instead if taking advantage and eating it!

I was so surprised and elated at this generosity, I mobbed our wolf with happy praise, pats, hugs, and a kiss on the side of her face – then gave her an extra biscuit.

Anxiety and fear of the unknown resulted yesterday in hind brain’s critic negative judgement trying to warn and nail me to a cross for buying food to eat while on the road after starving from efforts expended in working with clients, and later gluten-free graham crackers to meet my brain’s need for balanced sugar reboit after giving so much of my energy to others.

It is hard to address needs to take care of myself while confronting feelings of financial insecurity.

Four days in a row of client therapies after another neck adjustment has produced muscle spasm lockdown and fighting over which vertebrae will sublux while I tryto prevent this by outmaneuvering last night’s tension-compression migraine.

Clearly, I need to prioritize shifting from shoulder to neck physical therapy, but at last my shoulder is progressing (woot!), so I must just hold my ground and attain a neutral balance involving, unfirtunately, NOT doing the dishes in this moment.

Being able to give back and pay forward helps me feel reimpowered because it is again within my hands to help others.

It is easy to feel panic when leaving any form of dependency, yet harder when food and other insecurities reinforce because the future is yet unseen, and the past still too close to be “forgotten.”

I am beginning to feel my own return to me.

It takes me late into evening to unwind from the day.

I shake with excited energy, barely able to believe this wondrous reality that I now live in such a good community where other business professionals recognize and value honest integrity, while sharing skills and building positively dynamic and flexible.relationships.

As an positive person, I capitalize on whatever positive gains I can glean from circumstances that affect me, within and outside of my control.

Just when I gain any recovery, I immediately leap forward again as if I am a participant of a race and cannot stand to get behind expanding from constant learning.

As I clear up leftovers from the past, not only am I prepping to delve into more English training, but also new therapy modalities to add to my clinical abilities.

Settling down, taking in the more level scenery, working to calm the restlessness inside while still striving to achieve. Being grateful for and mindful of the large to little things

I have earned my rewards, whereas younger women reliant on their “beauty” merely expect theirs to be handed to them.

And men of all ages comply easily and willingly, continuing to reinforce this wrong kind of messaging – and thus, quite frankly, propagate demise of our society.

When you are a mother and a partner’s lover, things are not so simple for a woman as they are for a man.

When and why did men get a “pass” – and in return, why can’t they be more supportive and understand?

I capture, affirm, and breathe life into it – making intentions priority.

pas·sel

/ˈpasəl/

Learn to pronounce

noun

INFORMAL•US

1. a large group of people or things of indeterminate number; a pack.”a passel of journalists”

Oxford Dictionary.

As I have community now, which equals more resources in options for self care improvement and senses of positive reinforcement, I begin to unravel those knots which stayed tangled no matter how I worked at them on the mountain.

It has been confirmed that my eyesight and perceived overwhelm with inability to think straight at times is from my neck and shoulder tension pulling to compress my neck vertebrae into pinching nerves when muscles begin further tightening when I must act quickly to timelines.

And while I still have little control over when and how this happens, I can begin working at my psychology to reframe this away from feeling as if I have become a weakling and am dwindling into incompetence to feeling proud I am on my way to hopeful recovery.

It is startling how much losing my ability to feel healthy and endurant had eroded my self confidence, and I feel grateful relief that I can attend to shifting this

I had just gone to the stylist this last week and was proud of my hair having grown suddenly (for me) to halfway down my back over this last year.

But, after this last session, something bothered me. It didn’t feel quite like me anymore, though I remembered how enthralled I had been at its sudden growth spurt as if trying to show we could compete after a man I had liked got a new girlfriend

My hair floated around me as if I were an enchantress in some hidden forest, and I had enjoyed the effect – but for some reason, I was itching to be set free.

So this morning, I got out my flat and texture scissors and cut it back, slowly, until it was returned to its usual positioning, just at mid shoulder level.

It looks and moves better…it flows with me.

I feel lighter and imbued with candid authenticity.

True alchemy is taking even just the hint of a positive potential and breathing life into it so that it can truly begin

Though I cannot receive the therapies I provide, I have begun experimenting with how I use machines in very light weight training – mainly playing with the muscle planes of tensile elasticity along bones and within motion to strengthen fragile connection zones of tissue.

When I can back away, my conscious subconscious can reorganize for another day.

Some people are obnoxiously “confident” – not because they have any real abilities, but because they conform to societal “standards of beauty.”

Continuing with the thematic of ensuring project completion, I finished sessions with the last of my students today so that I can now address taking and completing further training.

It took me a long time to vocalize and externalize despite abusive childhood training reinforcing insecurities.

And when I finally hit my stride and began feeling solid in different times of my life, men left me.

What messaging do I take away from this?

Where place myself in the realm of dominance vs. submissive?

Perhaps I will stick with Neutrality

I saw the picture of them together and observed her look: eyes downcast, patiently waiting, letting him be the dominant while she was submissive.

I have done that. I remember what it felt like to be ignored and walked all over when I loved someone and they took me for granted.

I was raised to be an accomodator, but I have striven instead to be receptive. It is a fine line between flexing and getting neglected.

I just didn’t like how close she was to that chasm. It looked to me that she had fallen into it – as if she had been chastised.

And I realized that I never want to be in that position again.

If this is what is required in relationship, I would rather be untethered.

Maybe there just isn’t a right match for me in this day and age.

Maybe I am ahead of my time, again.

It would not surprise me.

My life’s theme.

Being denied the power and resources to enact change while being criticized and disparaged for not doing so really beat down my positivity.

My parents’ house had more solid, dry stairs from a cleared driveway which diminished tracking effect once got into their house.

Our steps were rotting and coming directly off mucking property, so no matter my efforts, keeping clean was impossible.

I used to like walking barefoot in the house, but not anymore – especially in the kitchen.

“Maybe I could mop more!” comes a thought previously unbidden because now we are no longer tracking in sheep sh**!

It sucks that mine seems held down by the past – by arbitrary effects of circumstance.

Having done much work on understanding the self, I can only intuit it resides with my “wealth” – and those boxes that linger, keeping me on the shelf.

it seems pretty clear what my tasks should be.

It is strange to me that so many people pretend on Instagram to be celebrities.

Many are scammers, yet others want to capitalize on the feeling of being rich, powerful, and desired.

However, each celebrity is a flawed human – the same as you and me.

They just got lucky in their professional gains, have great marketing, and a makeup team.

It just occurred to me that
We could pay rent early
Instead of waiting…