Category: Stream of Thought

Targeting certain foods to replace, such as white sugar and boiled potatoes which spike blood sugar and/or cause inflammation, is a good place to start in balancing one’s dietary makeup..

I have been afraid to calorically restrict my diet again, given what happened the last time where when I eliminated carbs I lost weight so fast that my skin was hanging.

I only lost thirty pounds, and in my mind from high school remnants, I thought I should get down to one-twenty.

But, I could tell that at one-fourty, I already felt perilously close to unhealthy.

It goes way back to when I was ten years old, emerging in a family in which I did not belong, and feeling more like an outsider than ever.

Somewhere, I still have that picture of me in blue overalls, white with rainbow on top long sleeved shirt underneath, looking kind of “country” with this same quirky smile on my face as I stood behind and looked at Jerry Brown when he was early running as California governor.

While skills may be transferred, new patterns must be grown.

It becomes more simple as I focus on my own needs – which I can see more clearly if I look close around me – rather than spinning my internal wheels rapidly jangling, wondering about a “you” that I never even knew.

I knew that the part of the message “when your insides match with your outside” was somehow the key for me.

I now realize that I was trying too much at once inside and pushing too hard and fast while the outside world was not responding to match me.

This had created in me too much frenetic energy and overcompensatory pressure expectations on my self to perform, when clearly I was exhausted and discouraged by thrusting my weight at every closed door.

So, I slowed down. I have been focusing on a project here or there and not starting another until one prior is at completion.

It is hard to not feel anxious or like I am sluffing off at responsibilities. However, expecting only what I can do on a few things at a given time.is calming my limbic sysyem and slowly shifting my point of view.

It helps that income seems to be stabilizing, and that we have a good rental situation.

When my ability to provide for our family is shaken or taken, it is difficult to calm inner turmoil.

I began asserting calm regardless of my circumstances, as this was the only way to control the only element that I could: Me.

In response, perhaps, my circumstances are now shifting for the better.

The Law Of Positive Attraction is fickle and not as easy as they say it is to conjure.

I guess the true riddle is understanding how in one’s self to get out of the way of its manifesting.

Though I grouse in processing the way things ended between us eons ago, etc., he has been supportive however he could be from a distance if we were in dire circumstances.

This evening I called him just to say Thank You for everything, and that we seem to be at last recovering our base stability.

I could hear his shakey relief nothing was wrong, and affirmed it is a good turn that I am changing our contact’s association.

We received the temporary rental assistance, then fell back out of the system – as it is want to eject those it is helping

However, tenuous tallies show that as of May 1st we can just barely hold our own again, without government subsidy.

These are some of the things I am working on, and though they may seem concrete, I look for ways to shift them.

949 is an angel number associated with tolerance. Number meaning 99 is a signal of persistence. This is pushing on to your goals despite the troubles

https://www.sunsigns.org/angel-number-949-meaning/

I don’t like feeling emotionally of center, and for the last several weeks, I have been swimming in too deep waters.

I finally made it back to the gym with the machines I like, and since my neck went out anyway earlier today and the ER scans from last weekend showed nothing noteworthy, I played bilateral racquetball on my own and had a great time swinging and having fun with it – finished off with light weights on specific machine of my choosing

For a moment, even though my neck is torgued in spasming pain, I feel centered as myself again.

As my cervical vertebrae slid-popped back out of place while I worked on a client, the impingement onto my nerve rendered my right eye fuzzy sighted again.

At least I have it confirmed now that my sight is being affected by neck muscle tension.

One would think it easy for a practitioner to get help from a fellow therapist, but no one knows my techniques that restore neck mobility like I do.

It is quite vexing to know how to help others recover, yet not be able to receive the same or better assistance.

Kindness in love makes the world’s wealth abound,
Whereas violence and greed corrupt our potential.

Spirit wants to break free into physical connection expression.

Trusting that my processor has filed for an extension, I plow through last year’s trials and triumphs as I seek qualifying expenses to write off.

I suppose the process, as it drags me back through that which I’ve just clambered out of, might bring a sense of some closure to the anarchy.

It had been sitting on the mountain for a year, through weather as snow and moisture creeping.

The economical trend is that this is a seller’s market for vehicles. Someone with money would see my car as a worthy investment – if it was already theirs.

I just cannot fathom dumping thousands of dollars into fixing it from the broken timing belt and upper engine damage, knowing it will also need further repairs for upgrades.

This car has been what I needed a car to be and I do not know how I will replace it.

But, I must stop financial wounds, before they bleed.

I think I need to sell it, even if only for minimal gain.

I dislike this decision, but it seems necessary to preserve our situation.

I spoke with my counselor today and she got to experience what I call “transitional jatter” when different project realities are colliding and overlapping from different perspectives.

She reassured me (we have history from a year ago together, so she “knows” me) that what I am phasing through right now is “normal,” given what I have gone through, and that even though it doesn’t feel like it can, things will shift within me again for the better.

I do not need a lot to be happy, but I like quality in what I have.

Independent Healer – lol.

If we are asleep, other sleepwalkers find us.

If we are awake, they are deflected.

How does our tribe find us?

I am looking forward to when this spasm beast lets go of my neck!!!

New players came in and engaged roles with me, as if allowing me to try on partnerships.

In the end, the one I liked most took his time, getting to know me while sharing his life interests.

There was no rush or pressure, and things moved along easily between us.

This does not mean it is how things must always be.

But, the dream allowed my relaxing.

I can step up to various roles.

I just need to feel centered.

There was no one at the back of the store but me, and suddenly I heard a woman yelling and hollering out back. It didn’t sound like she was the typical off-meds crazy person, and she kept on broadcasting.

I hurried up to the front of the store and told the cashiers and tellers, and soon saw the local fire department truck and paramedics appear.

it turned out that the night delivery driver had lowered her truck’s ramp and got her leg caught under it when it descended too quickly.

It is better to go it alone until I find the man who understands me correctly.

Scans are clear so PT and muscle relaxers should help get pressure off nerves, eventually.

I wonder what impression of me and my life I am presenting in these selective snapshots about things I would not normally share.

It feels like desperation when tension presses upon cervical hind mem-brain and rarely reduces.

It likely has more to do with my lagging faith and hope in humanity because I am afraid we are failing.

I see couples out there making it work – but more often, I see how societal interaction is degrading.

It is need to find my heart’s life mate and passion’s purpose to elevate our spcies’ destiny.

Clean up wreckage

Complete English training

The realization that one spot tweaked in the neck could bork a whole system in one-second unhinges self confidence.

Luckily, I now have an orthopedist I am seeing and can soon begin trouble-shooting.

The hidden loss (my deepest grief) was watching the men I have loved suffer injury, then turn away from the light that made them shine – which meant that they also chose to turn away from me, because I reminded them of it.

I took two weeks off from working out to reliwve pressure where I could from my system while still exceptionally high performance pushing.

My physical reward is migraine, seizure, and legs tight edema swelling from clinic sports percorming.

Oh – and apparently now my body is having a sugar insulin crash-thingy reaction.

Wee!!!

MESSAGE RECEIVED, BODY.

If they follow a lot of women, I do not let them follow me.

I can tell when I have been pushed too hard internally, and then have given too much externally, when I return to my family and the dogs’ behaviors seem against me – making me angry.

If he knew me well and knew the details of my situation, he likely would have advised me to finish up what needs finishing before I joined in adventures with him – especially after upon seeing how much pressure was fragmenting.

It isn’t just the man – it’s me.

I have always had a taste for the “unique and rarely attainable.”

The loop is closing again as I turn inward to complete more loose ends.

Mine is a wild variety, which does not follow conformity – even if my own.

A current trend is to speak as clearly as possible about one’s desires so that others may understand well enough to be able to determine if they can be supportive.

“I want him to recognize the inherent value of my quest and seek to join and nourish it with me.”

All that I had worked to become was not valued there. I had become unwanted – and demoted from status as a worthwhile human being.

Therefore, I got us the F*** out of there so that we could recover and reclaim our true identities.

My car is in transit to our location – woot!

I have figured out how to get my car transported home and am orchestrating the pieces for it to happen.

This concept came up today in discussion.

Not so much about age, but about accountability.

Should I be a senile “ol’ Biddy?”

Or Myself: charming and witty?

Angel number 1033 calls you to believe in your power without fear. You’ve grown so much from your past, and it’s time to move on and accept spiritual blessings headed your way. Numbers 1, 0, and Master Number 33 make up this angel number, and they are all highly spiritual frequencies. Trust your gifts.

https://subconsciousservant.com/angel-number-1033/

I added another day to my work schedule to attempt to gain solid ground.

Having been around “vampires” for most of my life, and then discarded once they sucked my “youthful” energy and deemed I was soon entering “expiration date,” it is difficult to have given my all for 40 years, and then to have had no choice but to fight for the next 10 years in the chop-slosh of navigating the elements for recovery.

Reaching 50 and now 51 is a major holding ground STOP on all negative malarkey.

But, having reached a type of sanctuary, it is hard to reconcile “damage” done to me.

I am baffled as to how to activate recovery, having used all resources to come this far.

And now, I know myself so well that I am not sure any counselor can tell me anything.

How do they know what is right for me? I have earned the right to decree these things.

I just want support and encouragement to reclaim my vitality, as I re-envision purpose.

The meaning of the angel number 1133 is one of hope and optimism for the future. This is a message from your guardian angels telling you to never give up on your goals and to chase your ambitions. As a result of your efforts, you will receive future benefits.

https://www.ipublishing.co.in › ange…

Angel Number 1133 Meaning – Symbolism and Spiritual Significance – iPublishing