Category: Stream of Thought

I love that I called his bluffs…I didn’t know “I had it in me!”

How can a process so important to cosmic variances be termed so silly?!

We know each other, intimately.

It keeps pulling and won’t let go of my being – despite my flurried swats to”Just get off of me!”

It holds me hostage by my own attachments that I’m still discovering.

Seamless transition between waking and deeper channeling states.

I won’t venture farther like the others and become a tool.

I’ve worked too hard to regain the sense of self that I have.

I reject that which harms me, seeking to redesign my reality.

I’ve got to be “relieved”…this is the only option that can bring best gains, ultimately.

Who knew emotions were something to be worked on?

Luckily, I’ve come to understand they are like wild horses – full of passionate self expression.

They can be trained and tamed to some degree, like spirit-unbroken steeds.

Those who work with stallions (vs. geldings) know what I mean.

And once you gain their trust, they share secrets about the world you’d normally not see.

Is it really such a good idea?

I know we have the media technology.

And the world is primed for absorptive following.

But, all emperors think they know best.

It’s called a complex.

I don’t like being told what to think, nor how to think about it – so for the most part, I ignore them.

Spectrumed rays of an embered sun burst from her chest as her heart opened.

She kept trying to cover the area to stop the outpouring; attempted to seize the rays as they streamed, unending…

This evening, I happened upon a dance event, where the music was to my liking.

Being initially shy, and still having the dogs to walk and dinner to get for my youngest, by the time I returned, there was only a half hour left.

I got one song in at my pace, with my eyes closed, channeling the energy. But then the music slowed, and I stretched and huddled against the wall to stay warm, observing.

I’m not sure they will play my type of music at the next gathering, but I got out there and expressed myself – exuberantly!

As a species, we’ve been hit hard by the pandemic causing loneliness and too much experienced loss.

Like birds, we’re migrating to better grounds where we can avoid further isolation and population mitigation.

A flock’s survival instinct is “safety in numbers.”

I like them.
They are mine – and –
I will put them where I want to!

A dangerous concept –
When it’s been lacking.

“Why are you doing this? Come back!” the woman pleaded, desperation weighing in her tone.

He refused to turn and face her as he marched down the hall, grabbed his keys, and exited the house – his partially secured bow tie flapping.

Analysis of avenues and attachments:
Slower response – but, better payoff.

They say that what we focus upon helps guide our tendencies – that it’s a matter of self discipline and meditation.

What they don’t acknowledge is when your instinct and heart gang up on you, you become conscripted by your soul’s interventions!

“If you choose that one, your career is finished. Maybe you can float a few more projects, but ultimately, people will forget about you.

If you go this way we’ve chosen for you, you get the golden feed bag and the chance to stud when you want to.”

This sense of decompression, despite pressures squeezing.

I had not realized that our living circumstances and location could have been having such an impact on our mental-emotional health being negated.

I guess that’s what can happen, when you’re an optimist!

It’s a fine trick of the mind to master patterns.

Then, to notice how they interact with you, and you with them.

Then, to observe yourself from a distance.

A piece of Finish Pancake custard tumbled off my fork, fragmenting into three pieces to divert my attention as one bypassed my guard and flew to the ground next to our hound’s crate.

I thought to myself, “Perhaps this is an opportunity to share the delicacy with her…” while noting how absorbed she was in playing with and conquer-chewing the larger, edible plastic bone normally reserved for our wolf.

Then I realized this could tempt her to want more, anytime she would smell my cooking it and see me eating it.

I paused, with prudence, to further examine the idea as I cleaned it up without her noticing.

Whereupon I realized that maybe, I am in this same position.

I’m this, where my heart is directed.

People do it to gain attention.

They hype up their position, gaining followers.

They live for the moments of “hits,” “likes” – and even conflict.

I’m writing to force myself to emerge, to let myself be seen as I’m quivering.

I don’t trust people to manage themselves well.

Maybe because I’m coming out of hell.

What I’ve seen has been obscene.

I love creating titles that hint at and point in different directions, with possible multiple meanings.

If I belonged to you, you would not listen to me nor take me seriously.

Show me how your way is different from my experience.

Make me Believe.

Why was I sent to him, only to make a fool of myself by sharing so much – uncensored?

Is here where I chide myself, and swear off men?

That which I crave isn’t good for me.

(Title from “Blade Runner” movie quote.)

“The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next.”

I trusted – and was painted as a monster.

Humans can be dangerous and destructive as we learn to master the complex impulse overwhelm of our growing insights and emotions.

The goal is to keep moving forward while improving our abilities and commitment to embetterment, so we outgrow any deformities.

In fighting a battle I could never win –
Sent to Hell, tormented by Chagrin.

Start. Stop.

Push – Go, pause, fumble – stagger.

Stop. Wait…Wait some more…

Analyze, categorize, prepare as strategize.

Worry, fret, breathe – take a breath!

Check again.

Nothing…

Time is stopped as scraping money for functionality.

Bank deposit processes are frozen over the holiday.

I don’t date…

I saw a youngling in the pet store –
And for the first time, I wanted one.

No…I wanted that one.

What am I that I migrate?

It takes mere hours to take apart what took years of trial and error to build as fortification for our chickens’ safe sheltering.

We are finding good homes – people who will delight in taking care of them.

It’s a sad acceptance to close chapters, grateful we got to raise them.

It takes this long to settle in and for nature to know us.

The hawks and crows come calling, wishing us well in our departing.

Rhythm stays with me in the pulse of my beating heart, in the breath I’m breathing.

It is always there, waiting to be called upon to add joyful clarity in subtle to exuberant gaiety.

This is why I enjoy lap drumming. Silence-to-music-to-silence again is always revolving.

As I itemize and categorize my aspects, when I come into contact with others, all this suddenly expands into positive, expressive dynamics!

I think I am a closet extrovert.

I keep to myself except for specific tasks and roles so I can maintain my own fresh perspectives.

When I look back at my life, I can see I’ve always taken alternative paaths that either I forged for myself, or cut through temporary obstacles to arrive on the other side of barriers.

Did I train myself to become this out of necessity, or is this how I was designed to be?

I always thought it was the former, but now suspect it’s becoming the latter.

I always wanted to live “The Good Life,” just like the stories on TV.

Strangely, it’s only now I realize they were only pretending.

Just like the rest of us don’t have a disconnect from reality – but sometimes we don’t fully understand what it means in what we see.

We apply “wisdom” in its various forms as a baseline to humanity.

That which goes beyond any one God’s promises.

I love how some words sound and look a bit how they mean, like “grin” looks and sounds like it’s grinning!

Doing what it takes to show up, and being present in each moment.

Easier said than done, therefore, note your accomplishments!

Those who stay true, even when odds are against them.

Breaking from those who would “top-down” when should step aside, a compressed spirit begins to expand…

I knew it was possible – it had to be, for I witnessed other people having it.

I kept feeling downtrodden and smothered, yet bought into the messages it was my “misperceiving.”

I was a “Debbie Downer” if I felt disatisfied.

But now, after having clearly identified things I thought would make me happy (and just how they would seem), I’ve actually happened upon a community where I have – without extra effort – moments of this untamed feeling.

It begins filtering into my consciousness as I walk along the edge of campus that I am no longer a part of the program. I am a free element, placed in position of observation, able to make choices at my own discretion.

All of you, here on Earth, now – and all of those to come, in our future.

“Inclusivity, baby…!”

When I open my heart to someone, I will go down the rabbit hole with them, hoping I can help bring them out the other side to a new and better beginning.

Today’s gamble: tow truck, repair shop, and timing.