Category: Stream of Thought

It takes this long to settle in and for nature to know us.

The hawks and crows come calling, wishing us well in our departing.

Rhythm stays with me in the pulse of my beating heart, in the breath I’m breathing.

It is always there, waiting to be called upon to add joyful clarity in subtle to exuberant gaiety.

This is why I enjoy lap drumming. Silence-to-music-to-silence again is always revolving.

As I itemize and categorize my aspects, when I come into contact with others, all this suddenly expands into positive, expressive dynamics!

I think I am a closet extrovert.

I keep to myself except for specific tasks and roles so I can maintain my own fresh perspectives.

When I look back at my life, I can see I’ve always taken alternative paaths that either I forged for myself, or cut through temporary obstacles to arrive on the other side of barriers.

Did I train myself to become this out of necessity, or is this how I was designed to be?

I always thought it was the former, but now suspect it’s becoming the latter.

I always wanted to live “The Good Life,” just like the stories on TV.

Strangely, it’s only now I realize they were only pretending.

Just like the rest of us don’t have a disconnect from reality – but sometimes we don’t fully understand what it means in what we see.

We apply “wisdom” in its various forms as a baseline to humanity.

That which goes beyond any one God’s promises.

I love how some words sound and look a bit how they mean, like “grin” looks and sounds like it’s grinning!

Doing what it takes to show up, and being present in each moment.

Easier said than done, therefore, note your accomplishments!

Those who stay true, even when odds are against them.

Breaking from those who would “top-down” when should step aside, a compressed spirit begins to expand…

I knew it was possible – it had to be, for I witnessed other people having it.

I kept feeling downtrodden and smothered, yet bought into the messages it was my “misperceiving.”

I was a “Debbie Downer” if I felt disatisfied.

But now, after having clearly identified things I thought would make me happy (and just how they would seem), I’ve actually happened upon a community where I have – without extra effort – moments of this untamed feeling.

It begins filtering into my consciousness as I walk along the edge of campus that I am no longer a part of the program. I am a free element, placed in position of observation, able to make choices at my own discretion.

All of you, here on Earth, now – and all of those to come, in our future.

“Inclusivity, baby…!”

When I open my heart to someone, I will go down the rabbit hole with them, hoping I can help bring them out the other side to a new and better beginning.

Today’s gamble: tow truck, repair shop, and timing.

To rent a car costs the same as a moving truck: pardon me as I stop in my tracks – flabbergasted!

Sometimes it feels like being smothered inside a sealed handbag – then swing-pummeled against a hard surface until bruised and complacent.

As I dashed out the door, fumbling on my way to a massage just for my own healing, the rainfall cushioned the blow of our car’s not working.

They say a “soul mate” 
Exists for each of us…

But, it also depends
On who’s Awakening.

(November 14, 2020)

It’s blessed relief to get to have one again.

A clear mind, free from fear.

Not the absences of fear, but having the ability and will to redirect it to one’s productive purpose.

Are we greater than our injuries?

As a woman, I’ve been told it is unattractive if I’m strong and bold.

As a woman, I’ve been shown what happens if I give another my power’s authority.

Perhaps it is better to be neutrally androgenous.

When broken, one must further fragment one’s self to keep the already fragmented pieces from fighting.

It’s important to prevent any one faction from dominating while the matrices in-between configure proper healing.

By writing it down, I ensure and preserve my own honesty.

I can feel it sometimes: that next level of ascension, where insecurities fade into the background, and all that matters is what we are growing together in our devotion’s loving synergy.

Good traits that can nourish a relationship are seen as bad when a relationship fails.

No more self-sacrificing, over-accomodating to make up for gaps in relationship circumstances, nor overextending myself when the other distances.

What the heck does this mean, then, to my actual functioning?

“Just don’t be me.”

Identity crisis

Finding a suitable match for me is not easy, for now I must make sure I, too, will be well satisfied..

In honestly assessing myself, my needs are diverse because I am not merely 2-dimensional.

Yesterday, I went through our storage in the bathroom, dumping two full bags of assorted nail polish (because they were over 10 years old by now) and happening upon several boxes of hair color from mild to bright and astounding.

Something tells me I’ve been craving color in my darkened days – and finding my eye shadow collection again, I look forward to attending events where I’ll get to display it!

Underground, there was the ache of silence and fighting demons. As I move forward, the view brightens, a river refreshes, and I hear songs of happy, productive humans.

I thought I was supposed to be a recluse: funny how circumstances frame a mindset.

A woman needs one, in absence of the real thing.

Can a woman depend on a man?

Some things do not heal, but only fade by distance.

That which one must regain for inner strength.

We happened upon a small drum circle last night, and the off-kilter-to-smooth beats were nostalgic as learners found their way, interweaving.

Afterwards, my youngest turned to me and suggested we begin our own duo by the river. I delighted at the idea, for our energy is bright and clear.

“How I wonder what you are…”

I dreamed of one last night who visited my earth, and together, we made sweet melody.

I follow through on my promises: moving to a better place was one of them.

Though a relationship ends before begins, I’ll use the impetus to win.

When one’s buffers no longer exist, premises can assist: here, I am this person; there, I am that. This necklace symbolizes, and flowers for thankfulness. Spiraling forward, making new tracks – while leveraging away from the past.

I found a gym that uses salt instead of chlorine for sanitizing its pool water!

I’ve heard that the person who caused damage then making amends can help.

If someone says my name, and there is a painful or fearful response inside of me, they have caused my shame or harm for investing in them: inner response then attacks self confidence and floods system with alarm, causing pensiveness.

I couldn’t get the hotel alarm clock to cancel, and its Snooze button kept going on and off during the half hour I tried sleeping.

I finally hard-pulled the side table away from the wall and found the little bastard’s plug – after accidentally pulling out the light’s, plunging my sight again into heavy curtained darkness.

Another day, and suddenly I’m thrust awake, to rise up and and take it all on again.

Your worries would be lifted, and light would guide your way.

Today is my first official day of work in a place I feel welcomed.

We’re finally making it somewhere – this is huge!

I mean, yeah…piss-smelling carpeted hallways from either unmanaged dogs or tripping-out residents.

But – this is huge!

It is strange to feel as I write, when tears alight.

We will be as those who were before – only better at responding adaptably, while ensuring prosperity’s propagation.