Category: Stream of Thought

Pain and weakness referral into my outer diguts now, huh?

Ok…

This is going to be “fun.”

Certain dreams are not “practical,” yet are still what I want.

To this day, it still hurts my feelings – because if we were not meant to be together in some fashion, I should not have been sent to him

It took me being back home with my mom and her huge hounds to give a starting reboot to my prior associations.

It turns out that most of the guys she’d been attracted to had some variant of high-functioning Autism.

Yet, they had each been beautifully and physically coordinated with genius-level scientific and/or artistic external expressionism.

“It is a divine message from the angelic realm that means you are in perfect balance between your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. It is a sign of success and that guidance is available to you if needed.”

https://joyfuldumplings.com/1055-angel-number/#:~:text=you%20towards%20fulfilment!-,1055%20in%20Numerology,available%20to%20you%20if%20needed.

(“Joyful dumplings?!”)

Effects from the accident have disrupted my ability to physically perform my therapies.

(Title play with words)

The amount of work it takes to stop and repair financial and physical damage from an accident conscripts time and energy.

I must recreate a foundational matrix which is strong, yet flexible.

Starvation for a love hidden beyond any reason can make a woman turn inward upon herself and no longer trust her ability to discern truth from fantasy.

The more she examined this phenomenon, the more she was not sure that any future relationship would be healthy for her.

For all that she had encountered in male partnership so far had been direct or indirect thievery.

She knew that the love between them was there, but it had gone to ground and was hidden in his soul’s waters, barred to her access.

It wasn’t her fault, though she was prevented from mingling with them because he needed to protect his own identity.

Fragility makes a man want to close up and ward off any offers of trustworthy intimacy.

And because she knew this about his “condition,” shr felt bound to stay by his side, rather than leave and abandon him.

She didn’t realize that he was afraid of the strength of her spirit; by the conviction of her advocacy; and by the power of the love that she had for him and tried to show him.

A type of sinister corruption of similar powers had already been directed at him in childhood – and had nearly destroyed him.

The call of her heart and light of her vision were simply greater than he felt comfortable with.

But what he could offer was sardonic, joking, and critical cynicism – which was funny, but did not enhance her confidence in her abilities, nor make her feel loved and supported.

Nor wanted.

Nor cherished.

In fact, it had the inadvertent effect, as if a poison.

And her growth became contorted and convoluted.

Inspiration:
Master of Inspiration
Light to the World
Visionary

Recognition:
Leader
Warrior
Adventurer

Mastership:
Master Builder
Master Architect
Visionary

Partnership:
Peacemaker
Partner
Diplomat

Compassion:
Teacher of Teachers
Master of Compassion
Master of Healing

(www.corepassion.com)

“Give thanks for unknown blessings that are already on the way.”

When you smack a compass hard, does it reorient?

I will let these injuries provide access to deeper levels of healing.

I ask myself why I am so reactive, frustrated, and lashy privately, whereas I did not exhibit these emotions while visiting my parents recently.

Maybe it is because I was cocooned by their support temporarily. Being with them provided a respite and buffer for me to ease through shock.

Now, it is up to me to reclaim everything.

I do not currently consider myself fun to be around. Pain’s inflammation chases joy away.

(Title play with words)

IF an insurance company provides for a rental car after an accident, they do not cover the cost of insurance for the rental vehicle, and they do not cover the deposit required to pick up the vehicle.

So, if a person no longer has funds due to injuries from the accident preventing them from returning to work (= loss of income), that person is simply SOL.

We are both visionaries, sent to help humanity.

I am struggling to keep my island intact while helping the world from the inside-out as I can.

You already have your core base established, and thus, have a broader reach for positive influence.

The things that are the most difficult for me to deal with are not necessarily because they are difficult, but because in the past too much vexation has accumulated regarding my being repeatedly prevented from resolving them – and therefore, I now feel aversion from even trying.

Perhaps I should have left from the moment he first began distancing.

But life was different then: just emerging from the 80’s.

And I was very young, just learning to flex my wings.

If not the one(s) being “pushed,” there is only “freeze” or “flee” – unless primal urge to protect initiates.

It was the first time I had been catcalled since my early teens in the Silicon Valley.

I am used to there being some sort of driving force within me.

So when I looked inside today and felt nothing but neutrality, I began panicking and feeling my hopeful perspective plummet.

Maybe there’s no “perfectly ready,”
Although misunderstanding can
Lead to inadvertent mistiming.

Having overcome too many struggles, I must rest and reconsider concepts of manifestation.

Returning home after five years puts into awareness that in a way I was forced by circumstances to live as if I was in exile.

Looking through glass shuttle windows,
Sensing for how one would fit in locally.

And so I asked again…

I did not want to spend this time, struggling more – yet more quiet and withdrawn, filling out paperwork, coordinating and organizing through inflammation’s back, shoulder, and nack aches.

From the inside’s drawing depths, the distance now farther to reach surface of the external, I see the light glimmering in ripples.

What matters are the simple things behind the grand gestures: what we underrated – and so buried in overcompensation, trying to be “good enough,” worthy enough to be seen and heard.

Yet, we are enough, just by our inherent qualities and by the simple fact we are existing in this material plane at the same time, together.

Life is much more amazing than we have dared to acknowledge that it can be.

Take the time to let it be.

Find your way.

Breathe.

And Believe.

Getting smacked around by life is not easy.

(Rear-ended at a stoplight)

For two weeks I have been excited, waiting to speak with a local school advisor because I had seen online that they had a Masters in Film program.

Turns out, it was misinformation.

I find out about my next possibilities.

Stepping out into the unrelenting wave of heat to the sound of mechanics loudly whirring with high-intensity, incessant thrumming from the across-the-way car wash reminds me of arriving those two evenings at the airport in Cairo.

My time spent there was behind the scenes, where I witnessed another world’s struggle that tourists have little comprehension about.

The communites there are very similar to ours way down deep in their core beliefs. They value love, honor, and valour.

As summer’s been climbing in the temperatures, I’ve been finding my body remembers those travels.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmoo

When we say “it doesn’t matter,” it is important to clarify what aspects about a particular issue we are referring to. Otherwise, something important and relevant to one’s identity might be lost in the wash.

I called in to a radio show to give the awesome female DJ a shout-out.

Then, when she came back onto the air, she returned the favor!

Spreading joy and expressing gratitude to fellow artistic contributors that I meet.

I had purchased from the local thrift store a smaller-sized crock pot for use in the hotel during the several months we had stayed there last year.

Because its volume was less than what we normally need, I donated it back to that thrift store when we finally found a home.

Now, our oven has burned out and there is an unknown waiting time period while the landlord decides to fix or replace it and plans are enacted.

Meanwhile, we need to eat.

I think I found that same crockpot today – and am repurchasing it!

A fun boon is having not just one – but two pairs of “cheap” sunglasses.

When one falls onto the street and gets scratched, I’ll have a backup!

I must focus on developing my own.

It is nice to return to the occasional sense of it!

It isn’t enough to just think of finishing my Bachelors degree.

In order to do so, I need something even greater beckoning.

To gather enough encouragement by noting others like me out there, yet to not view nor read their works while I continue deep-diving into my own well’s spring of knowledge.

Once I saw Jane Seymour in Sinbad And The Eye Of The Tiger, I gave up on the media-driven impulse that I should ever compete and just focused on presenting my authentic attributes.

“l’m out of the game.

Bench me…

Bench me…

Benched!”

(John Cusack as Jake)

Trying to stop drinking my favorite drink – which is the only thing that has helped my brain be happy – is not easy while the walls crumble around me and my body is shakily detoxing.

If I need yet cannot depend upon others, then I must distance from them and keep myself apart.